Collaborate without boundaries

R3D30 A house divided

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I am having a crisis, and it is of my own doing.  Last night, I looked at DH's phone while he was in the shower.  On Friday before he left to go hunting, he called his attorney.  It was just under a 2 minute phone call right after he left work.  They called him back about an hour and a half later.  He didn't answer it.  It looks like it went to voicemail.  He checked his voicemail one minute later.  There were no more calls after that.  I am struggling to believe the best.  Did he call the attorney and tell him to move the divorce forward?  How could he?  He was in such a wonderful mood as we worked together to get his stuff ready to go hunting that same afternoon.  And as he started to get into his brother's truck, he leaned down for me to give him a kiss.  And he sent me pictures that night from the cabin.  And when I got home, he acted glad to be home, and delighted that I had made his coffee, and he tapped me on the shoulder and said thanks.  Is that the behavior of someone that wants a divorce????? Or, did he call the attorney to tell him that he is not moving forward right now.  That doesn't make a lot of sense to me.  Supposedly he hadn't hired him yet or have a timeline yet, so why would he call him to tell him he's holding off?????  I am trying to believe the best.  I have gone back and read the "Believe the best" dare from the book: "You must decide to stop running to this room and lingering there after every frustrating event in your relationship.  It does you no good and drains the joy out of your marriage.  Love chooses to believe the best about people.  It gives them the benefit of the doubt.  It refuses to fill in the unknowns with negative assumptions.  And when our worst hopes are proven to be true, love makes every effort to deal with them and move forward.  As much as possible, love focuses on the positive."  I am having a hard time believing the best.  I asked DH yesterday what the plans were for Thanksgiving, that I probably needed to start buying groceries this week.  He didn't really say anything.  Tonight he was on the phone with his daughter, and had her on speakerphone, but I doubt she knew it.  As I was walking through the den, I heard her say "so we are going out to eat Wednesday night?” I just kept walking.  He immediately took her off speakerphone, and got off the phone quickly.  I finished putting the laundry away and went back to the den and sat down on the couch.  I said "well I take it that I am not cooking on Wednesday night?"  DH danced around it.  He said he didn't know what anybody was doing, that there were no concrete plans yet.  Every year since we have been married, I've always cooked for DH's family on Wednesday night before Thanksgiving.  I feel devastated.  Maybe he feels awkward asking me to cook for his family given the circumstances.  If that's the case, maybe I should just tell him that I would enjoy cooking for his family.  Or maybe he is proceeding with the divorce and I will be served papers soon, and he's thinking I won't be a part of the family's celebration.  I wonder if I should ask him if he even wants me to go to dinner since he hadn't shared anything with me about it and I only heard about it by accident.  Or maybe I should just go with the flow.  He and his brother usually leave late afternoon on Thanksgiving Day to go hunting.  Since I won't be having lunch with my Dad that day, maybe I should cook for just the 2 of us before he leaves for the farm.  It's just very stressful right now.  I desperately need God's rest. I just need to be still.

As far as today's dare, I prayed this morning that God would reveal any area of division that I need to deal with.  Nothing has come to mind.  One thing that God revealed to me in the last round - I shared with DH 2 weeks ago when he told me that he had met with an attorney.  I feel like at this point the only division is what DH is causing.  In so many ways we are a house divided, and we need the God of reconciliation in a mighty way.  Despite everything, I thank God for protecting my marriage another day.  I wasn't served papers today and I wasn't asked to leave.  I boldly approach His throne this evening and pray for reconciliation - Reconciliation of DH to God, and reconciliation of our marriage.
  • The house may not be in unity (divided), but with God and you in unity, it makes up for much of the division between you two.  

    Love believes the best.  He called the attorney and was put on hold  and never even talked to anyone.  He called to say just drop the paperwork or at least to put it on hold.  Then later the attorney saw he missed a call and called him back.  And your  husband saw the call come in and chose to just let it go.  Otherwise, why ignore the call.  He knew they were calling otherwise he would not have checked the voice mail immediately.  and if he wanted to  call back, he would have.

  • Now, let the lesson of no snooping really sink in.  If God wanted you to know about the call, you would have known about the call to the attorney.  

    During the trial with our  spouses so messed up in their thinking, family traditions, especially around the holidays or milestones, are no longer adhered to by them.  It's just another  way of them affirming to you and themselves they haven't softened up.  why it is so hard for them to say, oops, I goofed up.  Or wow, you have changed and I really, really like the new you.  I do not  know, pride in the way?  evil mocking them if they consider coming  back, just the world and their flesh getting to them?  Probably a combination of it all.

  • Replace the negative thoughts and replace them with the good.  that you have your very own Heavenly Dad that  loves you so much.  That this Heavenly Dad has the power to do miracles in your life.  Biblical proportion miracles.   Think of Him, think of your husband letting you kiss him, tapping you on the shoulder and saying thanks, and the nice things he has done.  And then let God know you enjoy those things but enjoy Him all the more.

    Replace the thoughts of the call history, because that's just it, history, and also the  call with the daughter, and dwell in Christ first, then secondly in the goodness your husband has been showing.

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