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R3D27 Letting go of expectations

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Today a dear friend of mine asked me what I thought the secret to marriage was.  At the time, I just shrugged my shoulders.  But as I have given that some thought, I believe that today's dare may partially hold the key.  Rid the poison of unrealistic expectations.  I say partially, because I think we at times we must be willing to eliminate the poison of expectations.  Period.  Not just unrealistic ones. Even during the best of times, expectations will be unmet because we are all human and we fail.  So even if an expectation is reasonable and realistic, there may be a time during which I need to let go of that expectation.  Or, circumstances can change, and what used to be a realistic expectation can become unrealistic for a while.  When expectations are unmet, it causes dismay, anger, bitterness, heartache, confusion - all kinds of ugly things can spring up from unmet expectations.  I regret that I placed so many unrealistic expectations on DH.  I expected him to behave a certain way when we got married, to do things the way I would do them, and on and on.  I have released him from those expectations.  Sometimes I will catch myself and have to let go of those expectations all over again.  

My DH left with his brother to go deer hunting this weekend.  They own a small farm together with a cabin on it about 3 hours away, specifically to hunt on.  It's their first weekend over there this season.  My DH looks forward to hunting all year long.  When I got home from work, I helped DH pack his things, just like I always have.  It was an enjoyable time.  I helped him carry stuff out to his brother's truck when they were ready to leave.  Before he got into the truck, he leaned his cheek down to me like he was waiting for me to give him a kiss.  That's the first time in 5 months!  He used to do that every single morning as he would leave for work, but he stopped after he told me about wanting a divorce.  I miss kissing his cheek every morning.  I don't know if he just did that to make it seem less awkward in front of his brother or not.  I was wondering what his brother would think when we didn't hug or kiss goodbye or anything.  I know love believes the best, but I just don't want to read the wrong thing into that gesture.  I am thankful he did that though.  I have wanted for a long time to ask if I could start giving him a kiss on the cheek again as he leaves for work, but I am afraid to ask.  First, it almost sounds ridiculous for me to ask since he is still claiming he wants a divorce.  Second, I am just afraid of being rejected.  Once he and his brother got to the farm this evening, he sent me some funny pictures.  His long underwear wasn't quite dry when he left, and he pulled them out of the dryer and put them in a plastic bag.  When they got to the cabin, he hung them out on the cabin porch to dry.  It looked like the Beverly Hillbillies or something!  He shares stuff with me, for which I am so grateful.  I am also grateful that the results from the bloodwork that they drew at the doctor appointment yesterday came back normal.  So he will still see the urologist, but so far, so good.  God is good, and I praise him for protecting my marriage another day.
  • Remember, when your friend asked about marriage, that was a great time to share testimony.  If you are unacustomed to doing so, as I am, it will become more and more natural as you continue in this journey.  

    You are right about expectations.  

    If your husband really didn't want to give you his cheek, he wouldn't have.  /but have no expectations of it becoming a regular occurrence now, nor have no expectations of it not happening.  Leave it to him to decide.

  • Remember, when your friend asked about marriage, that was a great time to share testimony.  If you are unacustomed to doing so, as I am, it will become more and more natural as you continue in this journey.  

    You are right about expectations.  

    If your husband really didn't want to give you his cheek, he wouldn't have.  /but have no expectations of it becoming a regular occurrence now, nor have no expectations of it not happening.  Leave it to him to decide.

  • If he continues to show kindness, your flesh will want to pull his car up to yours and for you to take control from God to speed up the changes in your marriage.  It is crucial to remain patient, kind, but Be still and let God work in him, not you doing the work.  

    His words and actions do not match as you are seeing.  Put no faith in his words.  Our spouses say so  many things and most of the time they have no clue what they are saying nor remember much of what they said.

    Keep finding comfort only in Christ.  You can enjoy and should enjoy the good moments with him, but let God know you enjoy Him so much more and have Him way above your husband.

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