Collaborate without boundaries

R3D14 At a loss

  • Comments 2

I had a hard time finding an activity to do together today.  DH went outside to look at the back yard.  He planted grass seed in the back yard a week ago today.  So, I went outside in cold weather, walking through a very wet yard, to help DH look for new grass growth!  Not something I would normally do, but happy to have the opportunity to.

I have been teary-eyed all day.  I don't want a divorce.  I have felt such an extreme sense of loss today.  I am in the middle of raging spiritual warfare.  I feel such an emotional pull to give up hope, to resign myself to the reality of divorce, to just start packing my stuff.  I am tired.  I feel defeated.  I'm lonely.  I'm sad that my DH doesn't want to try and make things work.  I know that I need to cling to God, and I have tried to today, but it's been so hard.  I know that God works all things for good.   But right now, this just hurts. I even feel at a loss as to what to pray for.  I feel like David's words in Psalm 13 - How long, God, how long?
  • I have no clue, but maybe God is not giving you the comfort you desire right now, in order to bring you to the point of you desiring to stand for the marriage more for Him than more for not wanting to be divorced.

    I am not sure if that will make sense.  I am not saying you, or anyone else currently on this site.  But I can say I for so long, and maybe still am, standing for the marriage because I do not want a d vs standing for the marriage to please God and to do His will.  

  • Makes perfect sense.  I have pray on numerous occasions that my motivation for standing for my marriage be pure.  I made a list of all the wrong motivations, such as embarrassment, loneliness, etc, and confessed those to God, and made a list of the right motivations, like obedience, testimony, love, and asked God to fill my heart with the right motives.  It's a daily struggle I must confess.

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