Collaborate without boundaries

R3D5 Humbled

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A long post tonight........Apparently it has really irritated my DH that I have walked around for the last couple of months like I am "walking on eggshells".  I think he is referring to my apprehension to do or say things at times.  Also for a while, I would move way out of his way as he approached.  I felt like he didn't want to be anywhere near me.  He says I am still doing that, but I don't think I am.  He mentioned both things a couple of months ago and I have tried to be very aware of it.  But the walking on eggshells - when you feel like you are living on borrowed time and afraid that any day, you will be asked to leave, it messes with you.  I think as I have traveled through this love dare journey, my fear has greatly subsided, and I feel like I am not exhibiting those behaviors very much if at all.  But apparently it's enough for DH to still bring it up, or maybe he is just trying to still find something to complain about.  At any rate, I didn't say anything.  I just listened and took it to heart.  I will continue to try and be aware and make sure I change that behavior best that I can.

I have been humbled in a couple of ways today.  It is amazing how God pointed out to me today that He is using this circumstance and specifically my obedience.  First, as I was driving to work this morning, a work colleague of mine called me and asked if she could ask me a non-work related question.  I said sure.  So she proceeded to tell me that she had just finished reading a book about suffering, and was really wrestling with some questions, and that my name came to mind as someone to talk to.  Basically, what she asked is how you could trust that God's plans are good when He allows such suffering.  I paused when she finished talking, and realized in that moment that God was asking me to make use of the season that I am in.  I explained to her that I was in fact in my own season of suffering, but that God used suffering in our lives for our own good, and that it is something to rejoice over.  I shared with her something from my journal about 2 months ago, when I wrote that viewing my circumstances in light of who God is rather than viewing God in light of my circumstances kept me on track.  I do not know the plan, but I do know the Planner, and that is enough.  She said that she had a breakthrough while we were on the phone, and thanked me.  Then at lunchtime, I had a counseling appointment.  My counselor always opens our session with prayer, and she thanked God for my faith and the example that I was setting.  It was a beautiful and humbling prayer, and I told her so afterwards.  I told her that she was too kind.  She went on to explain that a couple of ladies in my Sunday School class were her clients (of course she didn't say who!) and that they were inspired by my faithfulness throughout this ordeal.  She said that I was influencing people in ways that I had no idea.  Finally today, a young man that works for me called me crying tonight.  He coaches high school football part-time, and one of his players was diagnosed with cancer today.  He said that he knew that I was a religious person, and asked if I would pray for both the boy and for him.  How humbling it has been to think that God has chosen to work through my broken, messed up life, to use me as a tool in His plans.  I am so thankful to God, and pray that I will remain a humble servant.  I am also thankful that God protected my marriage for one more day.
  • My heart rejoices at your post.  Yes He uses the broken to reflect His light upon a broken world.  Thank you!

  • Especially in the beginning, it is real tough not to walk around on egg shells, hanging your head in gloom.  it  feels like  the air you walk through is filled with shards of glass.  

    and it does irritate our  spouses.  or maybe it's just something else they know they can throw at us.  

    But, be the best you, you can be.  And as your comfort in Christ grows, the egg shells will begin to disappear more and more.  he will sense that, but will still bring it up.  And he may only bring it up because he senses you are at peace and happy where he is miserable.  he thinks this should be reversed.  Because he has chosen to follow the world's way of being happy.  And in frustration, he will point out you on egg shells.  Just trying to gain the control he thinks he should have.

  • Wow, that's a lot of testimony you are providing to people, even when you do not know it.  pretty awesome.  People are watching you, even if they do not know your circumstances or the trial you are going through.  They may not even know what they are witnessing in you, but they know it is something good.  And some will be convicted by this.  And hopefully these people choose to accept the conviction in the spirit they should and seek Christ more than they have been.  

  • And some may mock you for having Christ.  Even your husband if he realizes at some point this trial didn't break you or keep you walking on egg shells.  Because he really wants to be happy and can not shake the lack of success pursuing happiness.  And if this happens, rejoice, you have grown and are in God's will.  And at some point, your husband may choose to seek what you have.  

  • The people in your path are not there by accident and God does not light a lamp to hide it under a bowl. Keep doing what you're doing and trust that God has a greater purpose. I agree with Tim.... Hopefully your DH will want some of what you have in Christ. You have the ability to show him a way out of his depression into real joy. Praying for you always!

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