Collaborate without boundaries

R2D29 Crickets

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Today was a difficult dare because I never tell DH that I love him anymore.  That is so sad to me.  Up until 3 months ago, I told him all the time.  So, I told DH that I love him  and that I hoped he was having a wonderful day.  Nothing like hearing crickets on the other end!  As I suspected, he did not respond.  Silence.  When I didn't get a response, I said a quick prayer and just thanked God for giving me the opportunity to love DH to the end, whenever and whatever that may be.  I cooked his favorite meal as a tangible expression of my love - his favorite thing is pinto beans, greens, and cornbread.  Again, I didn't get a thank you, but I really don't expect them now.  I am just happy to have the opportunity to serve.

God put this crazy idea in my head today, at least I think it was God.  I was reviewing my journal and giving some more thought to the unrealistic expectations that I placed on DH.  Last year at Christmas, DH wanted to bake some cakes.  I was already making a coconut cake and chocolate creme pie.  We didn't need any more dessert - his family doesn't eat a lot of sweets and my family is mostly out of town.  So, I was kinda rude about how we didn't need any more cake.  Then, when he went to make the cakes anyway, I expected him to make it like I would, and got out the big kitchen aide mixer, which he doesn't even know how to use.  Looking back, I am so ashamed of that behavior.  It evolved from pride.  When he told me about wanting a divorce, he even brought that incident up.  Then tonight, he was getting a bowl out of the cabinet and asked me if I wanted him to use a plastic or glass one.  I told him glass.  Later, it dawned on me that I gave him the wrong answer.  I was reading Dare 30 about unity, and then an article about unity from Focus on the Family.  It said that without personal choice and preference, a spouse can get lost.  Convicting. Tonight, I had this crazy idea about going and buying the cake mixes that he was making and pulling out the little hand mixer that he had when we got married, and leaving them on the kitchen counter where he puts his lunchbox when he gets home from work, with a note that I gave him the wrong answer last night about the bowl, that I should have told him to use whichever bowl he preferred, and that the cake mixes represent my desire for him to have personal choice and preference within our marriage, and that I want him to feel free to bake cakes whenever he wants, however he wants, for whomever he wants.  Period.  This idea of personal choice and preference has been a source of division in our marriage because I have been insistent on wanting things done my way too often.  I am so grateful that God has opened my eyes to this source of division this evening, and that I will have an opportunity to share that with DH tomorrow.
  • It's great you are having no expectations from him.  but, in a way, as I do too, we come to have expectations of them not responding.  Just don't have expectations that they will respond positively or negatively or at all.  Hope that makes sense.  

    You are seeing how the dares are changing you for the better.

  • You always hear how silence makes people so uncomfortable.  But for our spouses, they sure seem to have mastered being  comfortable with "crickets".

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