Collaborate without boundaries

R2D27 Totally Unrealistic!

  • Comments 4

Unrealistic expectations. I brought a ton of them into our marriage 3 1/2 years ago. I spent time today really reflecting upon the unrealistic expectations that I had for DH.  I expected that he would be neat, but he has never been neat!  I expected that he would not pile up the mail or the newspapers or the stuff out of his pockets or the laundry! I expected that he would want to plan things ahead of time rather than last minute. I expected that he would do things the way that I would do them. I expected that he would not wear wrinkled clothes. I expected that he would enjoy doing the same things I did. I expected him to meet my emotional needs for love and acceptance, needs that only God can fulfill. I expected that he would speak my love languages of touch and words of affirmation, neither of which come natural for him.  He's a gifts and acts of service kind of guy.  Boy, realizing that love has no expectations sure does free me up from feeling a whole lot of disappointment!  And it frees DH from the judgement that I passed on him when he didn't meet my unrealistic expectations.  It makes me happier with my marriage.  Realizing that God alone is sufficient to meet my needs is comforting.  I have laid these expectations and more at the foot of the cross.

I am now positive that things are a little better.  It has been 2 months since DH mentioned the "d" word.  Today, he asked me if I wanted to ride with him to take some paint to one of his properties.  Of course, I said yes.  When we got there, he introduced me to his new tenant and the tenant's wife.  It felt really good to be introduced as his "wife".  Lately, he just hasn't introduced me at all.  Still no talk about anything very personal, but definitely some improvement.  I praise God for His work.
  • Things do sound better.  Thank God.  

    2 months is a shirt time to level out his roller coaster.  He may feel confused at times, scared at times, and really not want to eat humble pie.  

    If his roller coaster goes down for a moment you keep yours consistent.  That will help stabilize his coaster.  He's probably still unsure about the new you and if your changes are real.  Keep being patient and give him time.  As well as Jesus time to work in you and him.

    Make sure to not have any expectations of him letting his wall down for now.  It's easy to desire a quick change when we sense our spouse softening.

  • I am sure that he still feels confused at times.  Thank you, Tim, for reminding me to be consistent and to continue to have no expectations.  It is a temptation to desire a quick change and that is not realistic.  

  • For some of us, it is so easy to let our foot off the gas in growing in this journey when things appear even just a little better.  Be on the watch for your flesh to possibly want to let it's guard down as far as staying in Christ.  Many people have promised they would never do that when they get in this position, but after a while when things get better, or when they start feeling Christ's comfort, all of a sudden, prayers slows down, reading too, and the journey stops or slows down considerably.  but then usually God gets their attention again.  I am sure you wouldn't do this, but just watch out for it.  Easy to do.  

  • How wonderful to be seeing some change!  I am rejoicing with you!  I agree with you about the expectations and how freeing it is to hand them over to Jesus.  What an unnecessary burden we put on ourselves and others when we don't, right?  Amen and Amen!  

Page 1 of 1 (4 items)