Collaborate without boundaries

Day 32 Shock and Awe

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Well, I prayed that God would give me the courage to bring up the idea of sex tonight.  It's been awhile, so I was very fearful of asking, given all the rejection lately.  Ever since my DH told me that he wants a divorce, he has become so attached to the dog.  Tonight after dinner, he went to his bedroom and put the dachshund up on the bed and laid down beside her, and spent a long time back there with her.  He never did that until just the past couple of weeks. I never thought that it would be possible for me to fight against jealousy over a dog.  The dare was so difficult, but I did it.  I asked if he wanted to after I got through walking the dog. He said "Uh....well....uh....I guess so".  So I left to go walk the dog.  When I got back, I hopped in the shower.  When I got out, he asked when did I want to.  He seemed very bothered, like it was killing him to even consider it.  He seemed to be watching tv, so I told him just whenever he chose would be fine.  I waited for a long time in the other room.  It was very awkward.  After 30 minutes, when the show he was watching on tv ended, I waited for a couple more minutes for him to get out of his recliner.  I almost went into the den and told him never-mind, that maybe we could another time.  I am so glad that I didn't.  I am so glad that I waited.  He finally headed towards the bedroom. And after so very long and much to my surprise, we were intimate.  And it was such a blessing, I think to both of us, even though he didn't have anything to say afterwards.  But I silently thanked God for the opportunity and privilege to love that man.  I know it doesn't mean that he's changed his mind about a divorce, but for tonight, I am in awe and so thankful to my Heavenly Father, from whom all blessings flow.  Funny, being intimate with DH never led me to praise God afterwards. I will never take it for granted again.

Psalm 130:5

I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, and in His word do I hope.

  • I feel fearful doing things too.  But remember fear is not from God.  

    I bet it is common with our spouses to spend more time being kind to the pets.  It's just another way to get to us.  To prove they are still nice in the midst of what they are doing.  Just another way to get us to react to prove we haven't really changed.

    Thank God he accepted the invitation.  And realize how difficult it was for him to say yes and follow through with it.  Because he felt saying yes was showing you that he let his wall down a bit.  

    don't take this as me saying you did anything wrong, that's not my intention.  But, be cautious in that you left it up to him to make a lot of decisions and each decision was an opportunity to say no.  For example asking him if he wanted to after the walk.  He could have said no then, then he could have said no after you came back, then said no after waiting for you to get out of the shower.  Then no again when you let him decide when to be together.

  • Each time our spouses have to let the wall down it takes a lot of effort for them to do so.  And the more times they have to make a decision to be kind or do something with us, the harder it becomes for them to continue with the decision.  

    Do not be concerned if after this he gets colder for a little while.  if he does, it's just his way to show you that the intimacy didn't phase him or get him to lower his wall.  It's just a way for him to think he is in control and a way for him to justify himself in how he is behaving.

  • That's great you enjoyed the moment, then gave thanks to God for the moment.  

  • Tim, at first I didn't understand what you meant by giving him so many opportunities to say no, but as I read your next comment, I understand.   I never thought about it in those terms, but it makes sense that  each time he had to make a decision, it was a situation in which he had to let his wall down.  He definitely has a very big wall built up right now. Sometimes, he accidentally lets it down, realizes it, and sometimes will even stop midsentence in order to put the wall back up.  If he would just put that much effort into reconciling our marriage!

    He has complained since telling me that he wants a divorce that I have been controlling in the past, so I guess that's why I have been prone to letting him make so many decisions.

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