Collaborate without boundaries

Starting this in earnest today.

  • Comments 3

My wife and I haven't been poster children for communication.  I recently found out that she was having an emotional affair with one of her very close friends.  We have started counseling, but my wife has several walls up, and doesn't really talk or interact with me.  She has recently agreed to end her communication with said friend per counselor suggestion, but it did not go easy, as she has berated me and been very emotional about not being able to talk to her best friend.  She was very defensive, and irate when she found out that I had talked with my pastor for advice.  I am not a perfect husband, I have lied about small things, been angry and negative, and not put my wife first for a long time.  So I know that it takes two to make a marriage work or fail, and that I am just as much to blame for her drifting to an emotional relationship with her friend.  She tells me she doesn't know how to talk to me, or really know me, that she just wants us to get to a place where we can be happy no matter the outcome.  She is without a doubt the love of my wife, and I can't imagine her not being apart of my life or being my wife.  We still say I love you, and are very active in our church, I'm just really struggling with the not knowing if my wife is committed to fixing our marriage or is already planning on leaving.  She tells me if she didn't want to try she wouldn't be here, I just wish she could give me a little reassurance.  I go to God daily with this struggle, and I know it takes time, but it's still a struggle. 

  • Welcome.  YOu may have already read on here that this will be a journey, one between you and Christ not you and her.  she will be used as a tool to mold you into loving as Christ loves.  Things will get worse before it gets better.  Do a dare a day, no more, no less. This will give her the space I am sure she wants right now.

    Do you have the book?  Do not read ahead other than the appendix, especially the part on leading the heart.  

    When doing the dares, do not change them in any way to make them easier to do. If you are to talk in person, do not text or call instead.  unless a last resort.  Have no expectation from her when doing the dares.  She may ignore what you do or even get mad at you for doing the dares.  But keep doing the dares.  

    She will be up and down like a roller coaster.  your job is to not follow her on the roller coaster.  

    She will feel a loss in giving him up to talk to.  It may not make sense to you but it nonethe less is common.  Do not take it personally when she grieves for him.

  • It does take 2 to get to the point where you are currently at in your marriage but it only takes 1 to change it.  Putting God first in your life, instead of your wife, will impact your life like you would never believe.  Look forward to your journal entries and your daily walk in Him.

  • Hi Dan, im in a similar situation thou my wife wants to leave me she has made up her mind ans has already started to look for a place to rent. We havent slept to gether for about 8 to 10 months and she says she doesnt love me. You are blessed at least your wife is willing to want to work on your marriage. My wife I believe has turned away from God and that for me is hurting me more than the fact that she doesnt love me. All I can say is no matter what dont give up, I certanly will not give up, keep praying because Gods will will be done. God can do anything, even at the last minute when things seem so impossible, God can still change/fix it.

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