I have to start today's post with these two words. We had a therapy session today where some truth came out. For the past 6 months we have been in couple's therapy. All this time it was thought by me that it was to help our relationship. The actual purpose of the therapy appears to be simply to enable her to have the strength to tell me what she really wants. And what she really wants is her lover. She has no desire to have an intimate relationship with me anymore and she has not and does not want to work on our marriage.
So I continue. As it is in Joshua, God has not abandoned me. I will not forsake Him in this path that I am on. After therapy tonight I took her out to dinner, to a favorite restaurant of ours. We hung with our kids, and watched a favorite program. As I wished her goodnight and I asked if she needed anything. Tomorrow I will prepare her favorite meal for dinner.
She hoped I did not hate her. I told her I loved her still.
Do I have it? Am I there? Am I a strong enough vessel for my Lord?
Do I love only when loved? Or do I love. Do I love in the hopes of saving this marriage? Or do I love. Do I love to save this family and provide a stable home for our boys? Or do I love.
Does God love us because He wants something or does He just love?
I have met God in my aloneness, and He just loves. Can I?
The voices of sin and of this world are already there, rushing in to protect me.
God grant me serenity, keep the voices of sin and death far away from me, lead my heart in Your purposes. Keep the peace that passes all understanding in my heart, and though I walk in this valley of despair, I know that You are with me and love me. Make in me a reflection of your unending and complete love.
As I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you nor forsake you. —Joshua 1:5
It is not over. God is never late and with Him all things are possible.
Do your dares, each day. And that is it. The rest of the day share with your kids and the Lord. Start to focus your Love on Him first, and everything else second.
I was in a much worse scenario, and as I said God is never late and with Him all things are possible.
But one thing I believe is that my relationship with Him was first, no matter what.
I believe God is going to really bless you for staying with her. The only reason why he allows the D word is adultry. It is present but still you continue to love her unconditionally. It takes someone special to do that. Continue to pray and have hope. I'll be praying as well.