Collaborate without boundaries

My Journey: Take 2

  • Comments 5

Day 1: 

I have chosen to re-do the Love Dare as my boyfriend has decided to break up with me once again after giving us a second chance for only 2 months. I am devastated and I hate arguing with him. I love him with every part of my being. He has said some very hurtful things yesterday and I don't know how to take them. He said he doesn't love me and he is not attracted to me anymore. This is the same thing he said to me when he broke up with me on our 2 year anniversary in December. I started doing the Love Dare after that, and we got closer and he saw me changing. He agreed to give us a second chance, but he still had his doubts. We were communicating somewhat  better during the times I was doing the dare. I didn't complete the dare the first time. I put everything at God's feet and told Him I couldn't do it on my own anymore. I needed his help. He brought us back together. Shortly after that we starting saying I love you again and were intimate for a while. I have chronic pain and it makes cleaning and doing stuff outside difficult. He doesn't understand that. He doesn't know how to cook or how to clean. He's 3.5 years younger than me and we both come from divorced parents. I'm not good at communicating how I feel and neither is he. We started arguing again here and there, but I never went to bed angry with him. I prayed for him and went to sleep. The more I pray for him the more retaliation I get and I know the devil is trying to have his way in our relationship. I don't want him to walk away. I don't want him to stop fighting and say what's the point? I'm hoping that by doing the love dare again and trying my best to complete it that he will realize I haven't changed and I am still me, the woman he fell in love with two years ago. So, if she says anything mean or hurtful, I will either not say anything at all or try and say something nice to him. I love him, and I don't want what he is saying to be true even after he said he would never lie to me again and saying, well I guess I lied about that too. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and it's even harder to sit back, remain calm, and place it in God's hands again. Especially, when my own faith has been lacking and I haven't been in church like I should be...like I promised God I would be. Please, keep us in your prayers. :'( We are a great couple when we don't have issues like this coming between us. He told me up to Thursday that he loved me and then stopped as well. 

  • Did you journal in your first attempt doing the dares?

    Welcome.  Realize this will be a journey between you and Christ, not you and him.  He will be used as a tool to mold you.  do dare a day, no more, no less. Do the dares as they are intended to be done without manipulating them to make them easier.  Do not have expectations of him when you do the dares.  Do not read ahead in the book other than the appendix, espeicaially about leading the heart..

  • you did the dares previously and hoped God would fix things, and when things got better, you quit the dares before you were finished with them.  Doing the dares as they are intended to be done is giving God the control of fixing the relationship,  You quitting the dares was you taking control from God.  It was like you said thanks God, I'll handle it from here on out.  But you see how that worked out when you took control.

  • So, finish this round, and strongly consider doing a second round.  There is a dare or two that are limited to married couples, so when you get to that dare or dares, you do need to switch how to do that dare.  Speaking of this, you mentioned being intimate.  i am assuming you are meaning sex.  If so, remember, God created that for husband and wife, and it is to remain within a marriage, not in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.  That needs to stop, even if it upsets him.  Would you rather upset him or God?

  • Never make a promise to God and not keep it.  

    Keep in mind what i said is not judging you or him, but we are called to set each others paths straight.  For I know i need people in my life to set me straight in many areas.

    Do not worry about if he says he loves you or not at this point.  

  • Here's my thoughts:

    People say things they absolutely do not mean. Who tells someone they are not attracted to them anymore? That doesn't even make sense. You can't be attracted to someone one minute and disgusted by them the next. He's saying whatever he can to 1) hurt you because that's what humans do and 2) to justify his actions to himself.

    As far as changing, I think we all need to change, None of us are perfect. You should work on changing your imperfections that you can see. He may even tell you what that is to him. There's one day that you will have to ask him what bothers him about you. They may not necessarily be true but it's true to him. Realize you are not perfect and neither is he. Work on yours and try to overlook his.

    Make church and Bible reading a priority. Show God He is first in your life and everything else will follow.

    My wife has recently started telling people that I have beat her our entire 19 years of marriage and I promise I have never laid a finger on her. I say it's lies but for some reason she has convinced herself it's true. It really really bothers me and it's embarrassing but I know one day that God will judge us all and I have nothing to worry about. So try to ignore those lies your bf is telling you. I say his mind is in a place where he has to say things for the reasons I stated above. Deep down he knows the truth.

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