cfhtommy's journal

Love Promotes Intimacy

T J — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 17:54:16 GMT

Well here I am .. day 17... I hadnt been able to keep up journal entries here because i wasnt able to log on for some reason .. but it let me on today ... and today day 17 is a tough one for me anyway... When I read "Love Promotes Intimacy" I got scared and said to myself ".. gosh we havent been intimate in a LONG time"... then when I read the chapter turns out I was right .. I have not been intimate with my wife in LONG time.... and boy do I feel like a bum! The second our marrige hit the rocks I sang about her secrets to anyone that would listen...because I was hurting I guess I feel like I had to hurt her back ... pretty stupid ... thats no way to show someone you love them ...I dont know if I'll ever get that trust back from her .. I dont know if I'll ever trust her again either .. but I can not even begin to tell you how much this book has helped me ... putting all of this in Christ's hand has been the most mind easing thing in the world...

I can say this .. Im only on day 17 and even though we dont live together right now.. and I have no idea if either of us are ready to live together... she and I are getting along better than we have in two years...and that make me happy

Day 5

T J — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 14:09:33 GMT

Day 5 .. where do I start...well.. I really wanted to ask her 3 things that bothered her or made her uncomfortable .. but boy oh boy .. shes been telling me for the past three months .. so I decided to take a hard look at the way Ive been treating her at home and in public for the past 11 years ... the truth is ive been treating her like one of my buddies and not a wife... I started thinking about unconditional love... so who im my life do I love unconditionaly ... well my mom and dad .. my sister .. my daughter .. I then thought of all the things that my wife has told me that embarassed her or made her feel small .. and I asked my self .. "Would you have done that to yer mom, or sister" well the answer is no way.

So I went over to her place and sat her down and explained that I have not been showing her unconditional love by acting the way that I have been over the years ... I asked her again to find it in her heart to forgive me .. and hoped that we could move on .. I could see that she was getting a bit choked up .. I was .. we hugged and that was it...

I pray that I never stray from this again ... she does deserve better

Day 4

T J — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 16:55:24 GMT

OK today is Thurs day 4... I was going to pick up the phone and call her to see if there was anything that I could do for her today ... as soon as I picked up the phone it rang and it was her... she was just calling me to say hey ... I told her that I was just getting ready to do the same thing... I then asked her if there was anything that I could help her with and there wasnt anything ... but I offered .. truth is I do this all time anyway, as we have the 10 year old .. and I'm always askin if there is something she needs done ... and this is obviosly another dare that I will carry on every day...

So far so good though ... I am finding that when you have these little goals every day it helps you from dwelling on the past and keeps you lookin to the future...

Day 3

T J — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 16:47:13 GMT

Well day three was easy ... I again brought her a soda to her office and said that I was pretty sure that she needed one again... we had a laugh and she gave me a big hug again and I told her that I would see her later .. I think as long as I have to pass her office when I go to the store .. I'll just try to make this a habbit ... I know she cant get away yo do it for herself...

Day 2 and 3?

T J — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 00:12:35 GMT

Day two went great.. .. the best two days of this 3 month separation.. no fights no anger just kind words fromthe both of us.. I am still hurt and I know she is .. but it has been nice for me to put on the happy face and not want to pick a fight just to feel something...

I bought her a soda and brought it to her office because I know they dont have her brand there .. she thanked me gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek... and I told her I was just thinking about her while i was gettin myself one...

Later after I brought the kiddie home from school, we waited at her apt for her to get home from work ... where I had dinner waiting .... I DONT COOK! So thats a pretty big thing for me anyway... we ate together as a fam ... I said thanks for lettin me eat with ya'll and I gave them both huge hugs and I headed to my place...

End of day two and I'm feeling pretty good about it..... I know there is hard time ahead ... but through prayer and a little patience ..I think I'll get through it...

PS ... I kinda combined day 2 and 3 there ... is that bad ?... i mean .. I dont plan on pickin a fight tomorrow or anything ... ha!

Just what Ive been looking for...

T J — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 00:54:53 GMT

Ive been sepperated from my wife of 11 years for the past 3 months.. and given our issues with each other it seems that we are at an impasse...Not to go on too much about my life .. but other things in my life are falling apart too (business failing ect ect) About a month ago .. I started to to think that maybe if I brought God back into my life things would start to get better.... So Ive found a nice church that I enjoy going to and sure enough things started to get better with me .. but our marriage still seemed hopeless.. well, my old college room mate has been trying to get me onthe phone for a few weeks now, and i have been ducking his calls cause its just too painful to talk about this stuff with friends sometimes .. and everyone else in my life keeps tellin me " forget her" "move on" .. but I just cant cause something deep inside has been telling me its the wrong thing to do ... after all I made a promise before God to stay with her no matter what... So the phone rings last night and my old college room mate tells me about this book... and that my marriage could be saved .. It was like a smack in the face .. finally someone understands where I'm commin from ... I'm so happy to have found this site as well .. I am starting the dares today.. ! She has also started to go to church again (different church than me) so I pray that she lets God help her find her way as well...

My only question to all of you out there .. If I start the dares ... how do I get her to read it as well without being too presumptous?

So after day 1.. I can say it was a complete sucess.. I look forward to the comming dares