Collaborate without boundaries

birthday and anniversary

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it's our 25th anniversary coming up.  and her 50th birthday coming up too.  She mentioned one time she would  love to go to Las Vegas. I have no desire personally,  but would happily for her.  

IN the beginning month or two or the first few weeks of this trial, man was it a roller coaster ride.  One minute she said yes, she is all mine.  the next minute she said she's leave me if I did anything to any of  her guy friends.  One minute we'd kiss in front of  the kids to show them we were together, the next minute she was at his house.  One minute she said she'd give up her secret phone, the next moment a guy would be dropping her off at 4 am at our house.  

in those moments I bought her a nice ring.  A ring that stated we were together.  I was shocked.  she loved the ring.  She isn't much for jewelry but man, she adored the ring.  for a little while  She wore it.  She has never wore any jewelry I have picked out for  her.  None.  Then it got to her, she softened. then she declared the ring would be returned.  and she did.  I, through pride, thought, well buddy, that was your chance to have a nice ring.  I won't do that again.  The funny thing is, that style ring she told me years ago she didn't like.

So, I thought of getting her another ring or a trip to vegas for a combined 25th and 50th.  but, if it's the trip.  I don't think we are ready to go on one together.  and am I setting her up if I send her out on her own to be in vegas where what  happens in vegas stays in vegas?  We don't lead people into temptation. Yet, do I believe the best that she's no longer seeing or meeting males?

another thing that hit yesterday...I have thanked God that we are still together, even though it's been over 6 years since she in her mind, declared we were d.  yet, we still live under the same roof, even though she's contacted d lawyers, looked at houses.  Met many many males.  in the beginning one of the first questions I asked Sean how long will this take to reconcile.  I could not imagine being able to live through this trial.  After two weeks I was a complete shell.  Not able to breath or eat or sleep or think or work.  Yet, God has kept us together to this point where she does talk to me upon occasion, not much conversation ever at all, but about the kids etc.  And I have to  realize she hasn't used the word d after the first 11 months when she asked for one.

not sure again why I am journaling.  I guess if anyone sees where I need to be held accountable, something I have never liked.  LOL.  Or if I am going overboard or on the wrong path in the gift department.

Also, joy...It seems I am just being hammered non stop late.  Car problems, work not going real well some days, kid problems, a dog that's got a terminal illness that still wants to be walked over an hour a day, and a house that's needing work and so much  updating.  I just can't keep up.  and yet, I am allowing all this to take away my joy.  Now that I am typing this, I feel the joy springing back.  Thank God I decided to journal when I didn't really think I had a reason to.

As usual, I didn't proof read, sorry about typos or incoherent thoughts.  

She still rips on me.  over really, really stupid reasons.  Almost comical I guess.  but a moment later she shows no anger.  she lets me know now and then without really telling me, that she's going out with her girlfriend. the flesh says yea right, but love believes the best.

a couple days ago, I went up to our bedroom to change.  the door was closed and I hesitated walling in wondering if I knocked would I wake her up from a nap.  I heard her  talking on the phone. The flesh allowed me to listen a few seconds.  the old me would have listened until the  call was completed.  but I knocked and  walked  right in. Man, she had the phone hung up before the door was opened.  

I said I wasn't listening in, but it sounded like you were talking. She said quickly, I was mad at her.  (meaning she  just hung up on her girlfriend. )  the flesh thought, sure, it was him and you just  hung up not to get caught.  but, I let it go, and did my best to continue with love believes the best.

  • Ignoring those devilish negative thoughts is so hard. We know we should believe the best but the devil is always whispering in our ears. It's a constant struggle. My wife is angry... nice... angry... nice. I know how frustrating it is. When God tells us that pride goes before destruction He really wanted us to listen. Our pride is the number one obstacle to everything. We always think we have a better way than anyone else, including God Himself. Our goal should be to eliminate our pride.

  • Tim,

    Well you know me... LOL... Accountability. Well. I do remember those questions. I also remember when the man thing was the biggest issue. Now, believing the best is what you need to do. However, the situation that you have been in all this time, you also have the responsibility to protect your marriage. Which means that if you find that she is still talking with men, seeing men etc... then you must step up. And maybe God has molded you to the point He believes you are ready to face it head on. Maybe, that is why so many trials are getting to you.

    Now, as I always tell you. PRAY ON IT. Seek out HIS WILL, OVER yours. Pray for God to open to you if it is happening. That you want to walk in His way, without you having to go and seek out based on suspicion.

    But... If you are truly willing to deal with it, then seek it in prayer, not in real life.

    As for the anniversary and birthday, those are all great ideas. But you need to pray about those. Cause in her lack of Christ, even if you go, you may just invite sin into your walk just to accommodate her and the desire to please her and keep up with the world.

    What about something like a retreat, or a club med type get away? And for both of you, not just her. And you are correct in thinking that a trip for her alone is not a good thing. Or think of something you both may of hoped for when you first got married or was dating. It may be a great thing to fulfill something you both have forgotten about.

  • Sean, I am glad you are back on the site.  But, you stretch me and that is not comfortable.  But what is needed.  Thanks a lot.  LOL.  

    I have had no proof for some time come my way about the other guy(s).    Maybe a couple years.  She leaves her phone out  a fair amount, even with it face up where a call or text would show up for me to see.  Before it was rarely seen.  But I have not been told in any way she is done seeing them, flirting, etc.  

    She is now taking a daughter out now and then to at least some of the same restaurants/bars she frequents.  I would think she wouldn't do that if the guy or guys would by chance be there.  

    I will have to read and reread your response to get it to sink in.

    Thanks for coming back to the site.

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