Collaborate without boundaries

22 minutes

  • Comments 4

She was sick last night.  I called her this afternoon to check on her as well as discuss some other things.  She talked to me in some detail of having food poisoning, what's going on with the kids schedules, etc.  It was a pretty stress free call.  She was relaxed.  She talked pretty much in a conversational tone.  There was no smugness, hurrying up to get off the phone, or frustration that I was bothering her.  Pretty much a new first.  I even ended the call ( not wanting her to think I found her letting her wall down and her being caught off guard.)  The call lasted 22 minutes.  That;s the most conversation we have had in this trial.  Maybe in our marriage since having kids.  

IN the past there were two times that she started sharing a bit more than normal and all of a sudden she jumped on me that i was just prolonging the conversation like I always do.  (I rarely call, unless pretty much needed.  and I never try to prolong the call.  I typically try to get off the phone quickly to avoid getting in her space and the anger that frequently would be thrown my way.   It is just crazy how our spouses come up with this stuff.)

I guess I am just sharing what I am sure looks so minimal to many, but is a big step for us.  Sharing because so often all we see on this site is the hardship and no movement forward in the marriage.  but at the same time, what's most critical is see each of our movements toward Christ. and as you see, we are all doing this. Thank God.  

As most of you have heard or experienced, after a spouse lets her or his guard down, the next moment or the next day they put the wall back up to justify themselves and to prove to us they haven't softened.

But, if you stay standing for long enough, when they soften even for just a moment, the potential for her or his wall to go back up lessens.  And I am certain that her wall will not go up because of softening on this call.  She won't soften further for some time, but she is at least right now at the point she doesn't feel she has to retaliate with hardening back up.  

I"m trying to remember to have great expectations in God's divine providence for me, and having no expectations of what she will or wont do.

Peace be with you all.



  • I'm listening to Brandon Heath Love Never Fails as I read this and I can't take it. Overwhelming joy. The sweetest 22 minutes of your life to date. Congratulations.

    Man the stuff my wife has come up with. I couldn't write a non-fiction book that good.

    You know I had my wall up for years. It came crashing down. It had to or I would have suffocated myself.

    Praise God for His ultimate plan of sending Jesus to us. No idea what I would be doing otherwise.

  • Great news again. Praise God. Looking for more good news from you very soon. Stand fast and see the salvation of the Lord.

  • Stand still. My bad.

  • Tim, those little things are gifts from God to remind us that HE is in control not our spouses.  Something as simple as my husband telling me "I'm on my way home" instead of "I am on my back up to the house" or if he is really pushing me away "I'm on my way up to your house".

    For someone who told me my words hurt when I explain that I don't always say what I mean and that should be ok, he sure knows just the right variations of words to hurt the most.

    its My house, it my car, its my everything, except our dog, that is ours.

    I am blessed in hearing this small miracle has happened, it gives us all hope.

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