Collaborate without boundaries


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i told her how the cat was trying to rub up on and be friendly with the dog.  She listened, not with a lot of enthusiasm, but she didn't turn her back.  I had forgotten about talking to her back, and much of the time as she was walking out of the room or house.  

She was getting ready to leave for the night and brought me a paper on a house her coworker was selling cheap and could possibly be fixed up and flipped.  She is starting to share a bit, things like this.  Rarely, but she'll now and then say there's soup in the fridge when I come home.  Things like that.  It came to me, does she realize this house is just around the corner of the house he lives in?  Does she realize if we buy this house how I will be spending a bunch of nights and weekends working on it, and if she is still going to his house, I may see it without spying on her?

Then as she's walking out the door, she says, I have an opportunity to get a kitten.  I say, no, you are not getting a kitten, no.  She gets a smirk on her face and leaves.  And it leaves with these thoughts popping up into my head:  This is the first time I have told her no in this trial.  It is not fair to get another cat when I am the one that feeds it and the kids take care of the littler box, and the cat always wants me to hold it, and the kids didn't want this cat she got about 2 years ago.  

and it reminded me of when we first met, how she had two cats and I couldn't visit her for long because I would turn blue and could not breath due to being allergic to her cats, and she dropped them off at the humane society because of my allergies.   And all I have ever thought is, how can a person just dump off their pets?  And then when the kids were really young, she asked if she could get a cat.  And how I was absolutely crystal clear that there was no way on earth we were going to ever have a cat in our house.  And yet, i come home from work, and there is a kitten running around.  Then 16 years later, she comes home with another kitten, when no one wanted a cat after the first one died.

And how I always told her, if we ever get a pet, be a cat, dog, bird, fish, we would never, ever have more than one animal.  And now, she is saying two cats and a dog.

Then I began thinking.  I am right.  it is unreasonable to get a kitten now.  And then I later think, should i let her?  And i pray a bit.  Then go for a walk with the dog and it hits.  Love lets the other win.  So, is it reasonable?  3 animals in the house?   Will it really hurt me?  It's a long term commitment.  

So,   do i let her win?  If she brings it up, I will let her know what the kids will think, and is it fair to them, and if she really wants one, then, she can have one.

But the thought just hit now.  If there's potential for us to still d, is it right to bring another animal into the picture.

Side note.  Dreams.  Ugh.  Had one where she came up to me and shared with happiness she was pregnant, but would not answer if it could be someone elses.  In real life it would have to be someone elses, no potential due to no physical contact we me.  And how I was willing to raise this kid.  And how she would linger on telling me she never cheated.  

Well, LD makes an impact, Love lets the other win.  

As usual, didn't proof, hope it makes sense.

  • any update on the kitten?  

    Though I am in no position to really comment right now.  Yes, I think love lets the other win, to a degree.

    Perhaps love letting her win would be a discussion about it to build unity in the decision and not a direct no.  You have very valid concerns.

    Just my thoughts.

  • And then the next day the two year old cat threw up.   And i clean it up.  Not something it has done before.  That is just another reason I dont want another pet.  Nothing against cats or dogs or any other pet.  

    She hasn't brought the kitten back up and I haven't either.  But it has crossed my mind a few times if I should bring it up.  sad to say, it didn't occur to me to pray about if I should bring it up or not until I saw your reply.  Thanks Par.

  • After a time it gets hard to determine what should and shouldn't be allowed or give in to.  I agree, Tim.  Pray.  Me, personally, would say no more pets.  It seems like she is still testing you a lot of ways; pushing your limits.  But, yea, pray.

    As for the dream.  I can relate to dreams that disturb.  I just had an awful one about my daughter this morning when I fell back to sleep after getting up to feed my dogs.  I just kept saying in the dream, "This is just a dream." but in the dream it felt real.  I woke up very disturbed about it, but some of the content of the dream I know that I know did not come from God, so I've pushed it from my mind and spent time alone with God to cleanse the debris that was left of it in my mind.  I normally pray before going to sleep asking the Lord to stand guard over my mind at night while I sleep to keep out anything that is not of Him.  I didn't this morning and I got slammed.

    Pray about it and let God sift through what you need to pay attention to and what needs to be tossed out.  Remember the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy and he is very clever in how he does this.  He can plant things in our minds as we sleep and come to cause despair through dreams that seem so real.  Ask God to set a guard over your mind when you get ready to go to sleep.  It has worked for me every time I remember to pray.  After this morning's dream, not likely I'll forget again.

  • In prayer, it came to me that I should open up a discussion if she wishes to talk about getting a kitten.  If she wants to talk about anything, then I should be open to listen to anything she has on her mind.  (It just came to me, that was one of many things that hurt her for so long.  I didn't take a lot of things she said seriously or give her words consideration.)

    And if she is serious, then pray more upon if we should or should not get a cat.  But love does let the other win, where there is no harm.  (But to me, I find myslelf focusing on 3 animals is too many for us.  And I should also focus on her wants as well.  No offense at all to those that have more pets than that.)

  • I asked her about the kitten.  She just frowned and shook her head no.  Then we talked about an hour about the kids, there schedules, and pertinent things.  We talk more about the kids now then we have ever (but just about schedules, school activities, and the aggravating things they do).   But no conversation about how our days were or anything personal.  

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