Collaborate without boundaries

forgiveness, bible, peace

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I went out alone last night for a meal.  The kids all had plans and it isn't easy to go out with friends and have them questioning what's up with her or us.

Before I ate, i stopped at an adoration chapel.  Sometimes unscheduled prayer time does a soul so much good. And i felt it last night.  And it was good.  Peaceful, joyful.  As you all pray for the community, that was part of my prayer time too.  By the way, someone in the community is in a lot of physical pain, so please keep this person in prayer as well.

After eating, I was on my way home, and found myself near his house.  The flesh quickly wanted to drive by, just for a split second, but I was glad Christ has taken that strong desire to go by away.  It has probably been over 3 years since i have driven by.  ( i sometimes have a thought of seeking great revenge on him, or his house, and the flesh would love to follow through with that, but i let the thought go as fast as the thought came to me.  And sometimes after that type of thought, i remember to pray for him or them that they find Christ's will and choose to follow Him, for there sake first, not for my comfort.

So before coming home, I went by our church.  I parked facing the tabernacle, and prayed some more.  Again for us all, and gave thanksgiving to Him as well.  

The thing that seems to be have put on my  mind lately is, Has she or is she physically cheating on me.  I quickly let go of the thoughts and remember love believes the best.    But the thought keeps coming back about each day.  Maybe since evil senses she has given in a little to her hardness (she is still really hardened, but the other night I was shocked when she said as she was leaving, Call me if you need anything.  The thought popped up, when have you ever answered the family's phone calls when you are out?  or even respond to my texts.  I only contact her when needed when she is out, such as I haven't heard back from a child, do you know if he is spending the night or if I need to pick him up before I go to bed.  things like that.)

Or maybe she is letting go of a little of the hardness, just to make life easier for her at home while she is still enjoying him.  Or maybe it is my flesh just rising up more.

But in these thoughts that pop up for a second or two, i seem to then have the thought about forgiving.  I have chosen from the beginning to forgive her, but that was for me, so I could have the marriage back.  So, i have in prayer last night, let God know if I have to forgive her for physical adultry, it is for Him.  

And you know what, more peace came.  And it was as if I was set free from more things holding me back.

another thing, i have really, really struggled with some sins that i just can not shake.  Such as gossip (not that i sit around the water cooler and talk about people, but it is so surpising, you can walk past a coworker, and he can say i can't believe so and so did this, and it is easy to respond by saying, you should have heard what he said to me the other day, does he even have a brain?  Or to talk bad about a coworker that has done so much to bring me down, talking bad to the owner who usually never talks to anyone when he comes to town once or so a year, or had actually found ways to reduce your income on purpose.  Or accuses you of lying, etc.  And spreads all of these things throughout the company.  I feel anger just typing this.  I have forgiven him, but I have chosen to limit talk as much as possible with him.  i chose last time to become friends with him, till he really through me under the bus yet again.  so, talking bad about him is so desirous, it is very difficult to bite my lip about him.  And each time I wonder, is she with him, i remember, forgive her as I want to be forgiven.  and I wonder, is God not going to let this marriage come to reconcilliation or an end until I find it in me to let go of these sins I hold onto.  to force me to come to Him more.

I also have been reading a book on prayer for quite awhile.  It was suggesteed to me in this site.  I have limited reading time.  And found I had to quite reading the bible in order to finish the book.  justifying well, the book is about growing in Christ.  But yesterday i finsished the book and got time to read a chapter in the bible.  and Thank God, it gave me a hunger that i hope remains, to continue to read His word.  

Christ's peace be with you.

  • I too struggle with forgiving, I feel like I have but then the evil little thing creeps back up and we are rminded of the pain that we have gone thru.  Although I dont have a definite other person to look to as part of the blame for everything I have social media and his bike club that I constantly struggle with as you know from my posts. I am striving to be more at peace like you are. What book did you read because sometimes I struggle with prayer, feeling like I am not praying rite or for the rite things or reasons.  I woud like to get his book you read i need it..

  • I admire your strength and endurance.  Thank you for all that you do and your support

  • The book is called The Battle Plan for Prayer.  The book I have I down loaded.  thought I was actually buying a physical copy.  It has a light tan rectangle in the middle of the book cover with the title, and that is surrounded in darker brown.

    From what I got out of the book is a deeper belief in prayer works in the beginning chapters and then the book talks about praying specifically.  For me, it wasn't a very pleasant book or easy reading book.  But I am sure that is just me.  

    I doubt you are praying wrong.  I think you would know if you were.  i am sure your prayers are being heard and will be answered somehow.  His way, the way you want, or a delayed answer.  

  • Tim you are a far better man than I.  I am so angry now with how she disrespects our marriage.  No respect for the vows she took.  No gratitude for everything I sacrificed for her.  Her selfishness is consuming her, and she believes in her mind that her choices are the best for her to move on.

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