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God's perfect timing

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I have heard many times on this site about God's perfect timing.  So, as most of what I say, I just repeat what I have heard others say.  Kind of like a parrot.   And I have now and then had a flash of a thought what is God waiting on with me and our marriage.  Over the years I read how even in the hard moments many people here will have nice moments, dates, conversations, watch movies, and similar moments with their spouse.  But with us, other than the first few weeks out of this nearly 5 years since she considered us divorce, she has really shown nothing but anger, pure venom, and at best ignoring me.  Until recently where she will maybe nod her head or say a sentence now and then to acknowledge she has heard me.  But those first few weeks we declared our love for each other, kissed, and these things would last for a minute to a few hours maybe, until the venom and hatred from her spewed again.

And I think I did a decent job, like all of us have, in learning from the dares.  Though I know all of you didn't have such a long learning curve as me.  And i have wondered not often or for long, usually just a second or two what is He waiting for.  His timing is perfect, but what isn't right for things to either work out or not?

And then I began to see that I need to love her for Christ's sake, for the covenant.  And not because I wanted to avoid a d at all costs.  So, I know for a long time, I have loved her I guess as we are to love our neighbor.  So, i probably have loved her the same as the strangers i see walking down the street.  I have done my best to remain patient, biting my tongue where i thought I'd bite it off, and show kindness.  She has mentioned things like it is weird how I always make the bed now.  (pulling the covers up doens't really make a bed, but....)  And I always make sure she has a towel already for her in the shower, and a few things like that I have always done since the dares have taught kindness.  She doesn't mention any of these other things.  But for the new people, do not worry, your spouse, even if you are separated, notices the changes.  Even if they dont show appreciation yet.

So, for a few weeks, and a little more so for a few days, i have been trying to remember to love her as a husband should.  Not just because I am suppose to love everyone.  I mean, I love the death row inmate just as much I suppose.  

But I have felt there is more before God's perfect timing will take place.  And in prayer this morning, it kind of jelled.  I have had this thought in the back of my mind probably for a few years really.  But it came to me this morning.  Or He opened me up to the thought more so this morning.

And that is, if she has had physical affair(s), and is still in one, why will I forgive her.  You see, in the beginning and up till recently, it was similar to why i love her.  I will admit when I found out how attached she was to these guys, especially one or two or more of them, but especially one of them, it was the first time in my life I had forgave anyone for anything.   i could hold onto  a grudge better than a starving dog  could hold onto a good, meaty bone.  And the forgiveness I immediately knew wasn't really for her, but for me.  But, as time went on, i still had forgiven her, but as loving her, it became to continue to forgive only to save the marraige.  Those nuns really taught the lessons of a marriage is a covenant and the sin of adultery.  

So, in prayer this morning, i have realized if I ever find out she has had affair(s), then I must forgive not to save the marriage, which I would be doing for me, in the guise of doing it for Christ, but i must forgive her for Christ alone.  And that although I don't realize it now, but eventually if we reconcile and the newness wears off, the forgiveness will be replaced with hurt or bitterness I suppose.  But if I forgive for Christ as we are to forgive 70 times 7, and as we want to be forgiven, then it may be harder on the front end to forgive, but will be lasting and the real reason to forgive, when i forgive for Christ's kingdom to be advanced.  For Him first, in all things, even in forgiving her.

Ugh, hope this isn't too choppy or makes some sense.  It is to long for me to want to read it and make corrections.  So, good luck for anyone that had patients enough to read this far.  LOL.  

So, I am now wondering what needs to be done before His perfect timing comes to play out.  I do know that we will never be perfect for His timing to be now, but sometimes I think He holds back to force us to stretch to Him in this journey.

One other thing that has come to mind for months...And I use to hate when protestants use to ask me this when I was young.  And that is, Do I have a personal relationship with our Lord, Jesus Christ.  I still get a little stiff when those words come to mind.  But I have been trying to focus on why I don't feel that deep relationship with Jesus like I should.  And have been working on that too as of the last few months.

The note on protestants, please do not take offense at that, it was in no way meant as a negative comment.  At all.  In any way.  

  • I had the patience to read it. You did good. Not many typos lol. I dont know what to tell you because I rely on you for advice. And I dont think I will be of much help but I can tell you to hang in there. I know that his time is perfect and I know he will do what is best for all of us that want to honor him

  • At some point, I am going to have a computer and a few minutes alone to respond!  I love where your head and heart are!

  • Hey tim, all I can say is Gods timing is perfect. We dont know When and How his timing will take place. As we all know and have been reminded numerous times, we just need to be still and patient.

  • it perfectly makes sense. In every step taken by our respective relationship, it is always during God's perfect timing. Remember my post sometime december 22 that I happen to find out the huge possibility that previous rumors about my hubs are true? I believe it was made upon perfect timing. Imagine if it was revealed to me at the early part of my walk? I could have lashed out on him and may aggravate the already ugly situation. Because it was perfectly timed, I was able to respond in a much calmer and kinder manner which took us to the point where my hubs was the one who asked if we could actually pray.

    as for the reconcillation of our respective marriages, God's timing is always perfect. Maybe it is not yet now or sooner than we want because there are still so much more things that we have to learn which can greatly benefit our restored marriage in the future.

  • My dear brother, we have been on this journey for oh so long.  I am in awe of your patience and your constant desire to believe the best.  I guess when we are in most of the pain of the roller coaster ride, we don't always see all of our growth.  In our talks, you remind me not to go back to Confrontaional Candie and I just remembered I don't rely on her as much as I used to.  I guess that is growth.  We must accept God's will and timing even when it is hard.  Remember all things in God's time, we just don't own His watch.

  • Thanks everyone.  

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