Collaborate without boundaries


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She came home the last two nights after 3am.  Usually I never hear her come in.  The first night I stayed up to pray if it was time again to admonish the behavior.  I felt nothing.  I prayed the next day and still not much.  I had the sense of Be still....and desist the idea of me trying.  Then I listened to a CD I have listened to in a long time.  The song Be Still played.  God or a coincidence?  Well do to schedules we didn't see each other after work.  

This morning at 315am I meet her as she comes in.  I pray fast.  I ask her if this is right coming in so late as a mother.  She says she has to deal with the no sleep not me.  I told her that isn't the issue.  That she's been doing this for 5 years.  And it's not right for the kids.  And I'm not bringing it up for me.  I told her she has a reputation at work and in the neighborhood and the kids I'm sure have or will hear Your mom's a ......   And I let her imagine the word in the blank.  I told her her friend I know isn't staying out this late all the time and who knows if your still very with him and him and him.  


She remained silent as always.  I told her as I hugged her I felt sorry for her.  She mockingly said Pray for me.  I said what's wrong with that?  

Lately it seems like she's like a tiny air bubble.  Stuck just under the water surface.  Not able to break through the surface tension.  She now will humor me by inactivity listening to me vs how she use to walk away or start a conversation with one of the kids to interupt me.  The other day I asked her to wish me luck and she kind if did.


It seems evil Always senses the tiniest growths and attacks.  She had stayed CV home and gone to bed earlier just before this.  2 nights in a row we went to bed at the same time.  One night she indirectly let me know she was shopping on her phone.( Not texting).  I said if you want help let me know and if you want to fool around let me know.  No response.  I know ladies.  Not to romantic.  One night she even kissed me goodnight back.

I have peace through prayer.  Leaving it in God's hands.  

  • I wish my wife was still at home.  Does she allow you to cuddle?

    I think my wife bailed too soon.    My wife even let me hold her even after she left and I slept over her new apartment.  She still loved me and wanted me in her life.  But I think maybe she feels she can replace me with someone else and have her needs filled by them.  So I can only pray that if she is seeing someone else, that God intervenes in that.  I don't know for sure, but I think her nature would be to seek another man or come back to me, because I do not think she has fixed her codependency issues.

    but back to you, I see progress and I hope I have a chance with my wife, as yours shows encouragement

  • Snaz I caught myself lol when I read does she cuddle.  The polite answer is no.  I am glad we are under the same roof a few hours a day.  But the disadvantage of living together is the constant tension and stress and resentment they show because you're constantly in their space even if you're on a separate floor.  And it gives them so much more opportunity to spew venom.  Even when you try to be you in Christ it is like walking through shards of glass.   It isn't as bad now.  But it's rare to get a quick kiss back.  


    Listen to Sender of the Storm - Part 1(Play full teaching), it may or may not be the answer you are looking for.  I just stumbled upon it yesterday and it was definitely meant for me.  I held my wife upon a pedestal and most of the time she was more important than my relationship with God.

    Love you brother!

  • Snaz, didn't mean to sound like it is easier when the spouse isn't under the same roof..  I know I am fortunate that she did end up staying at home even though she talked to realtors, had houses to look at, and called at least two D lawyers.  

    Thanks Sunny..  I will take a look time permitting.  Maybe tonight. In the beginning months I did look for her for comfort vs God and I am sure I held her higher although theoretically I knew God was higher.   Good to hear from you.  Consider journaling.  I keep wondering about you brother.

    I came home early today from work.  No, not to check on her. I heard her in the bedroom.  Isn't it funny how we assume the worse so often.  I imagined the noises I heard was her packing to move out.   She is getting ready to hit the town.  I came into the room and talked to her about the kids schedules tonight as she was combing her hair.  I then told her what I needed to get done and said I should still be able to pick up the kids.  she says she was planning to.  I then said, In case I don't see you tonight, and went to give her a kiss.  She allowed me to kiss her on the side of her mouth.  She and I both remained very calm and I showed her how the cat wanted my attention so badly.  I said goodby as I left and she said goodby too, although as usual, barely audible.  

    I was in peace today.  And am thanking God she isn't blowing up at me this evening.  I do realize that this morning's talk was o much better than the months of talks that we use to have in the beginning.  And it wasn't anything near as stressful as many of you are having to deal with right now.

    Peace be with you.

  • Tim I know you are standing for what you beleive God is calling you to do.  My perspective of a woman is this.  When you told her your reasons you're  questioning her behavior is because of the kids.  It may have come across as you, her husband, really didn't care what she did, and a woman always wants her husband to care what she does.  Do you ever think all of this could be to wake you up and shake you up?  I am praying for you

  • Sunny thanks for sharing that, it was a good listen.  I immediately thanked God for the Storm I am in.  Without it I would not have grown closer to God.  I may not have realized the bad traits of character and wouldn't have spent so much time trying to cleanse myself of them.  Thank you it was a great perspective.

  • Candie, even when I was saying it something didn't seem right.  And it probably was pride that had me not saying it hurt me when she is out like that.   But I think my thought was not to make this out to be about me, for one, not to sound selfish, and two, she would worry about what the kids much more than me.  I don[t know really, but you are right, I should have let her know in some way it hurt me too.  

  • She came home last night, Friday night/Saturday morning at 130am.  Pretty early for a weekend night, for her anyway.

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