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renewing and selfishness

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Praying while walking the dog today, it seemed like I was given the word renew.  To renew my walk in Him, to renew....begin again.....have a new beginning.  I know this morning it really hit me, but now, it's kind of sad, I have no real feeling for what message seemed He may have given me.  Renew The Face of the Earth I think is a song we sing in church.  

Another thought came to me or was given to me is selfish.  Kind of like babies, they cry, sleep, eat, makes messes, and do this non stop, never giving thanks, or realizing the parents are tired or need a break.  It is all about themselves.

And I thought that's how I am.  As a grown man.  I have fear, i want the marriage to reconcile, I want her to stop going out all the time, i want to know she's not cheating on me physically or emotionally any more.  I want, I want, I want.  And then when the flesh kicks in deeper, I want this to come to it's end, however it ends.  With her here or not.  for this waste of time to be done with.  

But how selfish of me.  What does God want?  What is His will?  Does He like marriage or divorce?  Am I suppose to forgive like He does?  Or hold onto a grudge and not forgive.  

I want, I want, I want.  Not thy will be done Lord.  What do you want of me Lord?  Not I can continue standing for you Lord.  

I can feel how unfair all of this is.  I can feel like years are taken from me.  I can feel like I am being used.  

But if I daily choose to renew my walk, and love, and devotion to Jesus, my selfishness will decrease and His will will increase.  

Not what this selfish, flesh filled child wants Lord, but what do you want Lord?

I think we all get flashes of something that hits home.  yet, when we type about it or tell someone about it, you just know they don't get the message that you got.  And it is sad, i have forgotten most of the message that was given to me.

  • I see myself in this post. ;(

    thanks, tim..

  • Im totally in the same place.  Yes I want my marriage to work.  Yes I also want it to be over one way or the other, so that I know how to start living. I hate that it is being selfish. I am 34 yrs old, and I want my family back! All of it, not just me and my son.  

    I pray for the best for my wife.  I pray Gods will is done. I pray His will is us to be back together and I get the chance to be the Leader of the House Hold again.

    I need strength!  I need to be able to forgive.  Its getting harder and harder!  

    Lord please help us!

  • The renew part hit home for me.  I have to renew daily my walk in Christ.  The selfishness comes up quickly at times but do to the LD teaching Christ's ways, it dissipates quickly.  Maybe because of being of the flesh it may never go completely away.  I think do to all of us being human we will always fight the selfishness.  We just need to keep increasing Christ in us while we decrease.

  • Brother Tim, this journey has been very long.  I know God hates divorce, but I think he also hates mistreatment of his children.  Renew your walk daily and just because you are human and looking to protecting your heart, does not mean you are selfish.  The Bible tells use to "guard our heart because out of it flows the issues of life".  Peace and blessings.

  • I think we all have this issue.  It's part of being human.  I have started asking God to reveal His plan for me, and that His Will be done.  So that I can follow his Will.   That way I can fight the selfish nature.  I do this daily.

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