Collaborate without boundaries

showing anger

  • Comments 6

It'll be 4 and a half years in less than a month since she saw us as d.  4 years since she told me.  

I took a daughter to a wedding yesterday.  Over 9 hour drive round trip.  She told me how wife still believes in God, but mom says she has a lot of issues she is dealing with.  And she learned in school marriages without intimacy do not last.  She told me not push God.  (I dont)  Because wife does not want to hear it and she really does not want to go to confession.  Not sure how those two had this type of conversation.

We got back late.  I sent wife a text while she was out saying daughter is home safe.  This afternoon wife asked kind of like questioning my motives, why I text that.  I just said it was a long drive and late and thought I would say she made it home safe.  Later she asks, so what was that talk all about.  She walked in on daughter and I talking about some ideas the daughter had.  Wife then said, why don't you crush her dreams too.  I said, i have apologized about everything.  It is your choice to hold on to the hate and anger.  She said what else is there?

 I do not ever remember her sharing much in dreams or me crushing her dreams.  I remember her wanting to start a small franchise business and another small business  And I pointed out a lot of reasons why it wouldn't work for us.

Then she began clearing off the table for supper.   i went to help and she said, i got it, i want it done now.  like I was moving to slow.  I was not.  I bit my tongue.  This is The first time she has cooked in a long time.  It was a good meal.  But she didn't cook enough porkchops for everyone, but she cut some of them in half.  they were huge.   As I went to dish up, she said for me to take the big one.  It shocked me she would offer that to me.  But I took half of one, not knowing if she was telling me to take a big, full one or a big half one.  Better not to question it with the attitude she just came up with.  She ate watching tv.  I said while we were eating at the table, the porkchops are good, they almost have an applewood flaver or a slightly sweet flavor.  She then said why it had that flavor.  I was surprised she answered.  

At times it feels so close for so long that all she has to do is give in, to let go of her pride, to just let go of her stubborness.

Not sure if she has been showing attitude because I spent so much time on the trip one on one with the daughter or if she overheard the daughter sharing her thoughts with me.  Or for any other reason.

I guess it doesn't matter to the why she is being mean again.  But it does get old, but it is easy to get over or not let it bother me, knowing I will be just fine without her if she chooses to leave.  And that is only because of Christ and the peace He offers.

She also said the daughter felt guilty if she didn't go with me and that's why she went.  Wfie was not trying to be mean when she said that, well, that wasn't her first intent anyway.  She said daughter said she was going for her since it was really her duty to go with me.  She said she told daughter that, no, i could have gone by myself.

lookiing back, the first months of this trial i would have thought I won the lottery with her being only this upset.  

  • Once again, I am awed by your endurance.  Don't waste time trying to figure out where her version of the truth came from.  It often comes out of thin air.  They need to pin their misery on something, and their spouses the most likely target.  My husband has been "miserable for years".  It is absolutely not the truth.  Misery loves company, and she is inviting you to the party every way she can.  

  • Thanks Lynn.  Mine, unfortunately, had plenty to be upset about as far as the past.  I use to tell her I may be  60% of the problem, but she was 40%  But you are right, they sure do pull some stuff out of thin air.  And try to pin it on us.  The good thing is we are all trying to not accept an invitation to the negativity party.  Before the dares, I would have brought food and drinks to join in the party.

    I am amazed how your husband and others, will bring up the girlfriend and expect you to understand and feel sorry for them.  , i have not had to deal with the in my face talk about the other guy/gal.  That brings up the heat of the trial to a whole new level.  We all have our crosses to bear, none of it being easy, and I am grateful for Christ, and Christ working through each one of you, helping the others when felt called to do so.  I wonder how much the creators of this site realize how much I and others are helped because of this community.

  • And if anyone is monitoring this site.  much appreciate your gift of this site.....But please change the colors used on this site.  I have a hard time reading the words many days.  LOL.  

  • Hey Tim.  Have you ever thought that maybe ask your wife about what she would like to do with her life now that the kids are older and going away to school?  Ask her about the businesses she might want to start.  Maybe as a side thing, but ask.  I think she feels that she has given her life to her family and now everybody is moving on.

  • There is a way that we can tell our spouses that something they want to do is impossible.  Instead of just outright saying it's not possible or it won't work, the correct way is to try and see if it is feasible.  If she really desired to do either small business, get with her and see if there is a way to make it work.  We are supposed to support our spouses.  So involve her in all the planning and you help,  do all the logistics, see how much it would cost, and if it is feasible.  If it is try to make it happen, if it isn't maybe plan to see how you could get there to make it happen.  The Love Dares talk about sharing our dreams with our spouses.

  • I agree with Snaz, see if those dreams from years ago are still alive in her or even new dreams.  See what you can do to help them come true.

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