Yesterday was a good day. My wife actually called me and even though it was short and not very nice, it was soo nice to hear her voice which I hadn't for several days. I had an instant flood of joy that I haven't felt for a long time when I saw that she was calling. She told me that she wants to leave our cell phone plan which we have togather and wants to get on her own. As much as it hurt to hear this from her, I was nice and told her I would help her do this if it was really what she wanted. I then told her how nice it was to hear from her and she hung up the phone. It's becoming less and less hard to be unconditionally nice to her because I can feel this permanant change the Christ has made in my heart for Love. I thought I knew what love really was but boy was I wrong. Everything I did was motivated by nothing but selfishness and selfcenteredness.
Establishing health rules of engagement. This is something that we never had in our marriage. We would both argue our points before until both of us were blue in the face and then one of us would eventually storm off and sweep the whole arguement under the rug unti lthe next one came up. Since Des isn't here or communicating with me, I will write out my own personal rules to "Fight" by. I have prayed all day for the wisdom to know which rules I should fight by and these are the rules that God has laid on my heart.
I will not raise my voice under any circumstances and escalate the arguement. I have always gotten too heated in arguements and Love lets the other win. I will pray for the stregnth to be kind in all circumstances with my wife, especially in a disagreement.
Second, the moment the conflic arises, I will seek to hold her hand and listen rather than speak. I will hold my tongue if any hurtful things are said and I will be slow to anger and respond with a soft gesture.
Third I will never go to be angry and will seek to resolve all conflict before we let the sun set on our conflict. I will pray constantly for the stregnth to abide by these rules and ask God to make a permanant change in my heart to put these rules into practice.
Remember, she will not be able to continue to justify her actions if you are nice, if you are loving. So the venom will get worse before it gets better. But seek out Christ to humble your thoughts and responses.