Collaborate without boundaries

Round UP #1 - Day 1-15

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Considering I've doing this for almost the full length of time now and hadn't shared yet. I have been keeping notes in a small journal on my phone, as I have gone on the notes have gotten more detailed. I know there are questions in the book and as I head into my second loop I will try to answer those questions in more detail. I removed my wife's name, and I'm sure some details are hard to understand.. if you have any questions please ask or any suggestions.. I just wanted to share.. more tomorrow. Thank you and bless you all.

 

Day 1 (3/13) - when I started I feel I have already been working in a lot of these feelings toward ____. Trying to remaining positive in the face of such negative feelings is hard.

Day 2 (3/14) - i tried not saying anything negative and an attempt at the park to ask her to smile about a Pokémon and she snapped at me :( I was trying to be positive, but it was received negatively. Going to roll this into the coming days :)

Day 3 (3/15) - I had noticed the rose had died in the vase that I had bought for ____ a couple weeks ago. So I decided today to buy a new rose to replace it. ___ was out when I got home so I just put the flower in place. 

I found out the next day, ____ was suspicious of my reasons for getting a new flower.

Day 4 (3/16) - I kind of screwed this one up a little. I had been messaging ____ everyday and figured I had been getting too much so I had backed off. She was out at flag football with her kids from school and I called on my Bluetooth from my car. So she didn't hear me too well. I asked her how her day was going and she seemed happy and involved with the kids around her. She was busy, so I texted her her afterwards to ask if she needed anything. 

Day 5 (3/17) - I skipped the choices for this day. ____ and I have had many discussions over the past few weeks and I understand my negative aspects. Today wasn't a good day to start delving into them again. Had a tough night before.

Day 6 (3/18) - Resolved today to let things go. I can't change ____ and can only work on myself. Going to sit down sometime this week and make a schedule to work on margins in my life, need some breathing room each week. Wrong motivations a plenty with me, going to try and let go of those as well

Day 7 - Sunday, March 19th - before church this morning I wrote out the two lists and hid them in a drawer. When I saw ____, who isn't feeling well a combo of a fever and prep for her colonoscopy on Monday, she was eating jelly and I complimented her on how she can still laugh through her pains. She has always had a great sense of humor, and as much as she sees herself as a pessimist I think she has the character to be optimistic when she needs to.

For me today was emotional. At the moment I wish I could hide out at church and feel the love. It was a longer day with a seminar from Doug Pollack on God Space. I got a lot from it on patience, listening and understanding.

I was happy in the evening when ____ asked to go over the discussion points for school. I felt we had a good talk.

Day 8 (3/20) - today is overshadowed with ____ colonoscopy. Had to find a chance to burn the negative list. Unfortunately I did it as I got him and my youngest daughter wandered outside while I was burnin it. I think I explained my way out of it, but daddy must look like a crazy guy burning paper in the bird bath.

There was never an ideal time to praise ___ as she was pretty out of it and worried the whole time. I am proud of her work she is doing at her current job. She is a blessing to those kids.

Day 9 (3/21) - hard time for an enthusiastic greeting, she isn't feeling well and has to miss games. So today I simply came home and said hey sweetness and a kiss on the forehead, as she was taking a nap.

Day 10 (3/22) - Life's trials reared its ugly head, problems with one of our new car stretched out the day a little. It worked out fine in the end, cost us game night but gained us Sassy Girl with dinner.

Anyway I feel like I am already in the mode of doing something for ____ whenever I can. For this I grabbed her one of her faves from Starbucks and a surprise chocolate cheesecake for after the delicious meal she prepared for us.

Day 11 (3/23) - today I thought I would cherish ____ through setting up her foot spa while we watched a movie. ____ is still running a low grade fever with a cough. As the chapter said today i love her as I love myself and I feel when she feels. It gives my heart hope if I feel her joy through the cough she is dealing with right now.

Day 12 (3/24) - Tough one, firstly had to get in a disagreement over something. I feel ____ and I are already in the midst of a large one. The only thing today that really seemed like I gave my way willingly was watching a movie on Netflix. Iron Fist is on there, but ____ made a sigh about my choice so we moved into selecting a movie. The Big Short, great film, but depressing. 

Day 13 (3/25) - I feel today could be another skipped one. We have talked so much on our disagreements that I feel we have both hit a middle ground in resolving them. Taking the kids to see a movie and maybe karaoke laters, we'll see.

My own current rule for fights is be willing to give in for my love. I'm sure I will stand on some decisions, but I'm certainly letting the small things through at the moment.

Fights

  • Always listen first
  • Digest before reacting
  • Every word is important choose carefully

Day 14 (3/26) - today's date wanted me to give up something I would do for something my spouse wants to do. ____ is still sick and was talking about going to urgent care. So this morning I did suggest I would take her instead of going to church. I did insist. But she wanted to wait until a little late and told me to go.

I did take her when I got back it was almost 2 hours there and then the time running around to get the prescriptions she needed. Respiratory infection :( - I really should have insisted earlier in the week. So now she is on antibiotics for 7 days. While we were grabbing prescriptions she did say 'you were right, we should have gone this morning.' Because it was taking so long. We didn't know at the time of course. No worries. Any time spent with her brings me joy right now, for a couple of hours I got to be the husband I want to be, caring for my wife.

The end of the date did say Just Be Together. It looks like I achieved that. She even let me rub her back after watching a TV show, cross off another small joy to be thankful for.

Day 15 (3/27) - going into another dare that I feel I have been trying to do already for the past few weeks. Honoring my spouse. Holding her above myself. 

I have been opening doors for her, getting her things when she needs them, a tissue here and there, breakfast in bed. 

Perhaps tonight calls for a talk. A little honesty before bed. I love her so much and I avoid opportunities that will upset her, but we have things that need discussing. Let's play the rest of the day by faith.

Watched a movie that was recommended by a friend of ____. The One I Love, trippy movie about marriage and love. Weird. Not sure what I got out of it, that you love what you are familiar with.

After the movie, ___ got feelings about Fireproof off her chest, I understand where she is coming from. But other than the portrayal of the characters, I love the idea of the love dare. Regardless of the teachings in the book, it has made me appreciate my love for ____ so much more and I look forward to each new day. How I will fit in the dare that day. I will most likely start it over after the 40 days, let's keep it rolling where we can. Maybe cherry pick the best dares :)

Anyway, how our night ended was me confessing a little guilt of my own. That I was planning on getting a tattoo for my Birthday. To be honest I was expecting her to be upset at me, but for a moment she seemed genuinely excited for me to get one. No backing out now!

We finished the night out with a discussion on anger, from the lesson this week in marriage school. How I felt my anger and stuffed emotions of never wanting to upset or disappoint her caused me to become toxic in our relationship. I buried my feelings of love with this mess and it hurt us.

Tomorrow is a new day!

 

TO BE CONTINUED....

  • Not sure how much of this applies, but my thoughts are....

    Do a dare a day, no more, no less.  We often try to do more than a dare a day so that we can fix the marriage vs trusting God to fix  things, in His timing.  And also it is a way for us to seek comfort in our spouse vs comfort from Christ.

    Do a second round, but do not cherry pick. That is taking control from Christ and doing things more in your way.  

  • Thanks.. I fully plan on starting the book again. Since I wrote that entry I have felt a full redo is more important

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