Collaborate without boundaries

8/8/18 - Day 42 - Love is Still Kind

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Today is 8/8/18.Acts of kindness are hard to detach from expectations. I am still facing that struggle. Even when you think it has been overcome, something happens to change that. After Erika appeared so ready to go to counseling with me tonight, not even to talk about us, just herself, I was beyond frustrated when she bailed at the last minute... those expectations.... My original act of kindness was to introduce her to the counselor and relieve her anxiety about it. Then I was going to leave and basically give up my much needed session after her moving out this past weekend. So my plans changed on the fly. As much as I was thinking in my head, why keep trying to help you if you won't try and do something to help yourself, I just stayed quiet. Instead I elected to offer my hand again and invited her to my next session. As expected though, I got no response since he was with her.

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So I am starting to notice a trend, Erika only talks to me when she needs me to do something for her. I do not mind doing things for her, but I just feel used. Is this how God feels when people go all in just to fall off when things get better? Even talking with my counselor today, we established her behavior is and will for sure catch up to her. I feel bad, I worry about her so much.

Lets look at this realistically.....

You are supposed to wait an entire year for every 4 years you were with someone before entering into a new relationship.

----- She waited almost 15 minutes I feel, yes it is complicated she says, but still......

It seems that most things her and him do together involves going to places that serve alcohol (sports bars, bars, ect...)

----- Her fathers side of the family are borderline functioning alcoholics and she is a school teacher.....

She is spending a good amount of time with his kids

------ Stats say the relationship will fail, innocent kids do not deserve that.

I know it is not my role to judge, but I am worried that this is going to end badly for someone I care so deeply about. She knows my concerns and tossed them unfortunately.

I am not going to go on, I just needed to get some venting done.

 

So anyways, on Sunday I invited Erika to my session with the counselor and it was looking as if she was going to go. Well that went the other way today when she decided not to. "I'm not going  to come this time" my response was just "okay". Not much more to say there. After my session I did tell her when the next one was and that my open invitation still stands. Her anxiety doesn't appear to be getting any better, in fact it looks to be worse. I can't force her to get help, but I can offer. I was actually upset about her not showing tonight, I was almost sure she was going to come after the Sunday morning breakdown she had.

Also earlier in the day, she was at the house and finally found the letter from Day 39. She didn't say anything about it until I asked her. Probably should have just kept my mouth shut, but she did say thank you and it was good. I guess  it is better than most on here get.

  • I know the struggle, hang in there, no expectations. It's ok to vent. We all need to now and then. All anyone can do is pray and ask God to intervene and show the other the truth, so leave it n his hands and with on him.

  • It is best not to point out what you do in the dares by asking.  

    With the increased anxiety, it could easily be from Christ's conviction, with her knowing she's in the wrong and making  foolish decisions.

    It is a pattern it seems for our spouses to spend time in bar type atmospheres so much more when they choose to walk away.  That commonality doesn't last.

    Have no expectations of her showing up or not showing up to sessions.  And let it go that she cancelled or may cancel again at the last moment.

  • do not dwell on all the points you made looking at this realistically.  It just gets you more and more looking at her vs looking  at God.  

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