Collaborate without boundaries

7/10/18 - Day 14 - Love Takes Delight

  • Comments 7

“Today is 7/10/18.The dare was requested early in the morning and completed right after work. We took two of the dogs for a walk together. It was a nice enjoyable time together. We talked about some of the books that she is going to take with her on vacation with her parents, her favorite things (Roller coasters, haunted houses, and walking) along with her favorite food being mashed potatoes with chicken gravy. I gave up my opportunity to watch the movie War Room tonight so I would spend that time with her. Glad I did, since she decided to tell me today that she is going with her parents for the entire week now and not just the weekend. So I won’t get to see her again until next Friday. Looks like I am going to need to be creative with the dares now.”


So we had a pretty deep conversation before we went on our walk. Paraphrased below.

Bret: So this has been bothering me for a bit now, why did you say yes to me?

Erika: Because I thought it would make it better.


Bret: So how do you feel now?

Erika: I don’t feel any better or worse.


Bret: One more thing that has been bothering me, the other night you told me I was your best friend, on our engagement post on facebook the first thing you said was “Marry Your Best Friend!”

Erika: I don’t get it, did I miss something?


At that point I just let it go. I think I was just frustrated today because she went to look at an apartment and was so stoked about it she was willing to overdraft her bank account just to get the application fee in. Turns out the guy needs the security deposit tomorrow of $500 which she is not able to come up with.

Does she just want to get away from me that badly? If she is not happy with me, I don’t want to try to keep her here. It is not fair to her, but I can’t and won’t pay money for her to leave. How did I miss the signs for so long? How did I let us get here?


Every Night I sit down to do my journal and in front of me hangs 10+ pictures of us and our adventures. It reminds me to be happy for the memories we made together. For that I am grateful and thank God. It is the strangest feeling ever, deflated yet motivated.



  • .

    Every night I went to sleep with 16 years of what I thought was good times, not knowing my wife was dieing, remember it's what the other one feels not what we feel but what THEY feel.

    Remember yoe can't fix any thing without the love of christ, he alone can do anything in the heart, but wait on him.

  • When the dares become harder to do, like when she's away, it becomes an opportunity to get  more out of the dares.  Because you have to rely even more on God to complete them.

    It is crazy how irrational our spouses get.  such as yours not thinking it through that she wouldn't have enough for a security deposit, let alone enough for the application fee.  That's good you are not assisting in helping pay for  her to move out.  Let that fall all on her if she does move out.

  • She may be thinking she's seeking happiness.  but what she really wants/needs is joy.  And joy is of God and doesn't fade unless we allow it to.  Whereas happiness is of the world and it always fades based on circumstances.  And circumstances always change.  So, keep your testimony consistent showing the joy and light of Christ, and she may choose to seek what you have.  Christ.

  • Don't worry about trying to keep her there or you doing so.  Because, really, there's nothing you can do to stop her from following her free will.  Even God won't take  that  away from her.  But he may offer her strong suggestions how to use her free will.  

  • In my experience they do want to get away that badly and nothing will stop them. Their mind has crossed a point of no return. It's a point where only God can intervene. They are going to seek out anyone they can find to validate their choice and reject anyone who opposes it. God is in complete control though, no matter what advice she gets. He will put her on the right path in His time.

  • Josh,

    I pray every single day for His love.


    That’s a good way of looking at the dares while she is gone. I will be honest, I was considering putting them on hold until she returned, but you have encouraged me to continue on. You are right, she is being irrational, but there is nothing I can do at this point. To be honest, I think she is trying to run from her problems, from the stress, from debt, and from the old and dull. I told her last night that I am not going to try to stop her from moving, but that I am not going to assist either. I explained to her that it goes against what I believe in. This morning, 7/11/18, I also told her she was able to stay at the house as long as she would like. To me, the house is our house, just as much hers as mine, even though my name is the only one on the deed. I am not going to try to keep her there, I just want her to know that she is welcome and it is a valid option to me for her to stay.

    I pray God sends her a sign, something to get her back into the church. She needs it. I just was talking to the Priest on Facebook messenger and even mentioned to him, if she would just understand, God will take the burden off of her. He can handle it, while we will buckle and break to the pressures.


    You are spot on, it almost reminds me of myself in the past, I have done some downright stupid things because at the time, it made sense. I had people enter and exit my life based on my views at the current time. If they lined up with mine, they can stay, if not, then they were pushed out. Emotions make people so irrational it is crazy. I just hope God is able to enter her life before a real crisis happens.

    Side note, I fibbed and she will be here today also. So I do get to see her this evening, she had a slight change in plans.

  • P.S.

    I only made it to around 6:00PM with my fast. It was a stressful day and I had to break my fast.

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