So, at the suggestion of one of my friends, I have begun taking the love dare, in attempt to both reconcile my relationship with Christ, as well as my marriage with my wife of nine years. Though I have some slight hope that it can work, the way she acts at this point, the apparent complete lack of regard for how I feel, and that she will barely look at me, let alone touch me make it very hard to build up much faith that it will work at this point. My confidence was completely destroyed, and as I am doing this, I am also trying to rebuild who I am, improving the things that I know I need to change and that played a large role in bringing us to this point. '
I started the book yesterday, the first day back from a couple of weeks spent apart, at her behest, which in the end (as I suspected it would) only seems to have made things worse.
I did successfully complete the first day's love dare, despite it being extremely difficult for me to do so, with her insulting and demeaning me, and marginalizing and devaluing my feelings of rejection throughout our marriage as being made up to "one-up her" or to try to make her feel bad as we discussed a couple of our problems. Despite feeling angry throughout these discussions (which at her behest I have agreed to save for our time at counseling), I managed to control my responses.
Welcome! You will learn very quickly this is a journey between you and Christ not your wife. Do your best not to let your wife's actions/words get to you. It typically will get worse before it gets better (we all can pretty much vouch for that). We all start with the thought that this is going to bring our spouses back, but it is so much more than that. If you give it all up to Him, you will be molded in ways you never thought possible. Do not look ahead. Pray on the dare each day, so they are done by His will not yours. If you haven't already watch Fireproof (alone with no distractions) and read the appendix especially the part about leading your heart. We all are here for encouragement and accountability.
Blessings!
- Jenn
All of us start this out for our marriages......many find it gets difficult..
I will warn you now...this may not save your marriage from ending in divorce......
BUT....if you do the dares as intended, pray, and check in here every day.....you will surprise the people around you who wonder why you are so calm, collected, and joyful when you are going through this harsh time.......
Oh also, just from what you posted here, you and I have alot in common.....your wife sounds very similar to my wife......I started this a few months before our tenth anniversary......
Dont tell your wife you are doing the dares. She will think you are not genuine at first. If it is to be known, leave that up to God showing her.
With God all things are possible. Allow Christ to mold you ore in His image each day thru the dares. You will be a testimony to your wife, that is what will change her to see Christ in your life. It will not be easy. In fact it will probably get worse before it gets better. But be humbled to know Christ is teaching you through each moment.