Collaborate without boundaries

Day 1 of my new journey

  • Comments 9

Hello everyone!

I been married for 3 years and recently had some real struggles in my marriage.  My wife found out last week that I had been visiting gentlemen's clubs for about 18 months.  This is the second time I have done this and I do fear that my marriage may be ending. 

My heart is full with pain, guilt, and fear.  I have been out of touch with God for a long time and I feel guilty that I am reaching out to God in my time of need.  I want to deeply save my marriage and I want to deeply restore my faith.  I am seeing individual counseling and trying to find ways to forgive myself and where to go from here. 

My wife and I have struggled for a long time with intamacy and I take the blame for that.  We got married then both pursued master degree's to better ourselves in our career and we really lost touch during that time while working full-time jobs.   

A friend recommended me this book.  I watched the movie.  I decided to commit to it but also fear that is The Love Dare something to turn to in a time of crisis?  I do want to be closer to God than I ever was before.  I am seeking forgiveness from the Lord, my wife, family, and myself.  I know I am better than this and want to be better than this and be the person God wants me to be.  I know this is easy to say when everything is so fresh and I feel so guilty.  That is why I am seeking for help to see if this is a good time for me to start "The Love Dare?"  Can I fix myself while saving my marriage and restoring my faith? 

I did decide to do Day 1 yesterday.  I feel I this is the right place to me and want to commit to this process.  I haven't forgiven myself.  I love my wife very much. 

 

Anyway here is my Day 1:

Today was up and down.  The freshness of the wound I have placed in her led to long emotional talks and tough conversation with her wanting to know details of the activities I have done and the times I visited.  Many times during her episodes of anger and sadness I was tempted to last out in defense about my feelings lonliness, not feeling important, and all of her wrong doings during our marriage. 

However, I was able to keep calm, take the lumps I rightfully deserve. I kept breathing and saying sorry and that I love her.

I tried to pray to God for strength but I have really lose how to do even do that and start. 

I remained calm and used patience.  I was remorseful.  In past fights we would go 12 rounds to see who could get the final verbal knockout.  Today didn't end like that but I know there will be harder days to come. 

I am trying not to read too much into it but by the end of the day my wife wanted me to sleep in the bed with her and hold her tight all night.  So I did.  She would off and on cry but we eventually fell asleep.  It felt great but I know this will probably not be an every night thing.  She is still going through the processing of receiving the news this past Friday. 

She even let me cook her dinner and help her get ready for work the next today (Being today).   It felt great but I need to keep it in perspective. 

I feel so awful and disgusting for what I have done and for the first time in my life I need to exercise patience because it is a long road ahead.

  • This can be a hard journey with ups and downs that will take you to both extremes of emotion. First of all, this process is for YOU. You saw something that needs changed, you were proactive and took a step in the right direction. This make you a great person. Put you sins at the foot of the cross and let Jesus deal with them. We are all sinners. To recognize that is a huge step. Now you make a commitment to stop. Concentrate on yourself and as you grow closer to Christ everything else will fall into place.

    God commands you to love your wife. This book will show you how to do that. It's not always easy for us. The flesh wants to take over. The devil wants to win. But he has already been defeated and you must take a stand against him.

    Make sure your counselor knows about your faith and supports you. There are many things of this world that many people who do not follow Christ will understand. Don't let worldly advice have any affect on your decisions. And look for a Christian marriage therapist. If you and your wife are willing you can get through this pain. I had intimacy issues also and only discovered them a few months ago. It has affected 19 years of my marriage. If I had worked on finding out what was wrong sooner I may not even be here right now. God works everything for good. Trust Him.

    I did all the gentleman's club stuff, watched porn, etc. Look at my profile when you get a chance. I was at the top of the sinner's list. My wife knows and even participated at times and I'm sure it has contributed to where we are at right now but on May 14, 2017 I gave my life to Christ and I can't even explain the difference. Even with my wife still wanting to leave me after 20 years I feel better now than I ever have. Letting Jesus bear your burden is indescribable.

    "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

    Matthew 11:28-30

  • Appreciate the note Eddie. Thank you for sharing. I just live in constant fear and guilt right now. Trying to figure out why this happened? Why didn’t I stop. I told my counselor today that I want to have Christ back in my life. He says that I am not ready to be spiritual yet. It was a tough session and hearing that makes me debate if I am going to go back.  

  • Drop that counselor and find a Christian one. You can go to God anytime day or night so you not being ready for a spiritual journey is hogwash.

    Draw nigh to God and he'll draw night to you. Seek him and you will find him.

    May God's word lead and guide you in all truth and righteousness.

  • From your comment, I would assume you are not seeing a Christian counselor. I would highly suggest seeking a Christian counselor if at all possible.

    Remember that God has already forgiven you for every sin you have committed. Confess them to Him and ask for forgiveness. Also, many people turn to God when they are at their lowest point. The real challenge is staying focused on Him when things are good. Remember to praise Him and thank Him for the good things that happen.

  • Just came across this verse and thought of you.

    "If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything."

    1 John 3:20

    God is greater than your heart. He is greater than anything.

  • Thank you everyone for the kind comments everyone.  These comments mean the world to me.  

  • Don't worry about forgiving yourself.  To me, that's hogwash.  What we all need is not for us to forgive ourselves, but to ask for God's forgiveness and then accept His great gift of forgiveness.  It is God's place to forgive us, and our place to accept His forgiveness.

  • Drop this councilor.  God comes first.

    Don't worry about fixing your marriage or yourself.  let God fix the marriage as the dares will fix all parts of you that need fixing.  

  • This will be a journey, one between you and Christ, not you and your wife.  She will be used as a tool to mold you.  Do a dare a day, no more, no less.  Do  not read ahead in the book other than the appendix, especially about leading your heart.  Have no expectations when you do the dares,  She will ignore and get mad when you do some of them, thinking why couldn't he been like this years ago?  things will get worse before it gets better.  But this will serve purpose.  

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