This a day i was hoping would never come,this was a day i have prayed that would be averted,on this day i asked the Lord to take this cup from me but it was not so.On this day was mediation/settlement day.I trained my client this morning and i fasted and prayed all day yesterday so i was in great spirits(if you guys do not,i would encourage an occassional fast to get the heavens attention).Carla(my darling wife) got in late yesterday evening so i did not see her,when i was done training my client she had already gotten dressed and left the house even though it was to be hours before we had to be at court.Just as well for i took the oppurtunity to pray while getting ready for what would transpire.I just prayed and meditated on His word.I have entertained the thought now have come to the conclusion that there is another person in my marriage and it aint Jesus(although He is so maybe there are 4 people in this love square).ICourt settings are not my thing and lets just say i believe most lawyers are going to hell,anyway as i entered the waiting area i saw my darling wife.I asked her if did she think that this guy would be faithful to her?She pretended as if she had no idea what i was talking about but thats ok..She went on to say if i would not have done what i did we would not be here.i also asked he how is it that 2 christians who are walking in the mercy of God incompatible(that is her reason for divorcing me)?She had no answer.Well we met the mediator and she was quite pleasant.I told het that we hit a dry patch in our marriage and i had done some things that and said some things that i was not proud of and even thought divorce was what i wanted until God got my attention(i stopped drinking,working like a madman,stop playing playstation for hours upon hours,realized some real character flaws in myself).I realized that i do love my wife and i want our marriage to survive but my wife was not of the same opinion.My wife did not let the fact that we were in public stop her from spitting fire(she can not help herself).My wife excused herself to put money in to meter and i told the mediator that this would so much easier to endure if i did not love her,BUT I STILL LOVE MY WIFE!!!!.Then i started crying,then the mediator started crying.I can not remember the last time i cried,i thought i was all creid out.Anyway we were asked all these questions in how it relates to kids,transportation,vacataions,and then the subject of religious preference comes up.ARE YOU KIDDING ME? MY WIFE BLURTS OUT,WE BOTH OUR CHRISTIANS.I COULD HAVE CROACKED ON THAT ONE.I paused and then i asked my darling wife what kind of example is this setting for our daughters??I then asked wher is the forgiveness in this matter.She replied i have forgiven you.You have forgiven me but yet you are divorcing me.I told her that God is nowhere in that.She replied that God kept her through the mess i was taking her to which i replied the trust him the rest of the way in out marriage.Not to be showed up my wife with flames coming out of her nostrils says that i do not want to be married to you anymore,she does not find me attractive anymore,i do not love me anymore;to which the mediator was dismayed.I said thats fine because I still choose to love you unconditionally.She replies that i need to get on with my life because she has.When a boxer has been hit so many times the punches start to lose its sting and those words did not faze me a bit(i was protected by the armor of God)She was starting to get incensed.Several hours transpired and we had not gotten through all there was t ogo through.She wanted to rush through things so everything could be wrapped up but i was not going to rush through the process just for her convience which incensed her more.I felt my anger rise bc i got tire of her accusing me of harrassing her when i send a text to let her know that things do not have to be this way and that she is ready t omove out to which i replied please do so today(Im sorry God for i really did not mean that).Needless to say we have to say we have to reschedule another mediation session to wrap it up.Form there we met our lawyers,yeah.I said i wanted the house to which she agreed to.She was so disappointed that things were not wrapping up she could not sit still,it was kind of funny.She told the lawyers if she could move out bc she can not saty in the house bc she is being harrassed to which i replied please do with the way she is carrying on.I do not want to harrass my wife.Well i lived to tell the tale,i told her that if she wanted she coulde give me sole custody of the kids because what i am seeing is that she really wants no responsibility.Even as i am writting this she is outside talking on the phone.Do i still love my wife?? YES. I am going to continue to pray for her and i ask for you to pray for Carla Whitfield.I have heard it said that that a person's relationship with God is an indicator of how well they treat there spouse and from what i have seen of late it is true.
Augustus, my dear brother.
A second chance just might be on the horizon for you. With the next mediation, you may have a chance to allow her to see you live by the Spirit...not instinct (Rom 12:1&2; Col 2:6; Gal 5:22). She's not apt to change her direction until she can reflect consistent love from you. In other words, she is a mirror reflection of your attitudes and words which is why God gave her to you - to perfect your integrity and metal as a man if you let it her.
Remember, God looks at the heart, no man can, (1 Samuel 16:1-13), so quit judging her and trying to box her into what a "Christian" would or would not do. God has made us in His image with emotions and desires, but the thing He wants is for us to yield them to Him (Is 55) as His ways are not our ways, nor His thoughts ours.
Be prepared for your very next encounter with Carla, to agree with her, and thank her for pointing out the things she has - they are to make you better, not bitter. The choice is yours. PLEASE, stop the tug-of-war with her, and allow God to demonstrate His love toward her, He will draw her unto Himself (John 6:44).
Sometime, you will have an opportunity to pour your heart out to her, recognizing the time the cried of her heart felt like personal attacks on you and your character. Those cries were desperate for your love and acceptance, not judgment or invalidation. Listen intently for the cries of her heart - Jesus does that, as we cry out to Him...tears that are never ignored (I Chron 15:20; Ps 39...many others). You must listen to her heart, not her words. Ask for God to give you supernatural intuition and discernment - He'll give it to you.
Looking forward to God's blessings on you and Carla - it ain't over yet!
OM MY GOODNESS!!! it has been said sevral times that i have been judging her and eve nshe has said it but i never in my heart thought so but ti must be true,and im so sorry.I am not my wife's judge,i am her husabnd and i love her.I am dense.i will pray for discernment and super natural intuition.Thank you all who have told me this.God bless
Augustus do me a favor and pull her last name from the last sentence in your post. I agree with Stephen, this is between you and GOD not you your wife and GOD. You work with him and let him work with her. The first thing you need to have prayers answered is faith, you have it but you are also trying to help him along by trying to convince her of things when she doesn't want to talk about it..
There is probably no further reason to point things out she has probably heard it all from you from the marriage to the kids. If not put it all in one letter and let her know that you would like her to read it but that you will not "harrass" her anymore you are leaving things with GOD. I went though the same thing as you telling her what I felt about things when she said she did not want to talk. Eventually I prayed to GOD about what to do and only mentioned things (mainly by email) when it was confirmed 3 times in reading or by hearing.
GOD has forgiven you for your weakness toward the end when the devil came in and caused you hurt, thank him for it and pray for strength in the future.
Augustus I hate to tell you this next part because I feel hypocritical, I am not sure that I have this much faith because I have not been tested as hard as you but here goes. In perfect faith you will not hurt as much because you know no matter what happens GOD will be with you whether she leaves or not (by his will) . I try to work on this state but I wonder if anyone besides my mother and Job have/had it. I believe I would give up my life for Christ in a second but at times I wonder whether I could fully listen to him if I had to give up my family.
Louis is correct about dropping your wife's last name, maybe her full name from this. We seldom see the significance of anything but our intentions. I know for me, God has put me to my knees on this issue. James 2 says faith without works is dead..much of the book of James is about the evidence of our faith. Our intentions are also dead if they are not met by our spouse as we believed them so strongly to be. In other words, what you believe in you heart should be understood by your wife by what and how you do what you do.(Make sense?)
The greatest thing you can intentionally do is to protect her dignity. Check into this aspect of your relationship, by studying the word dignity and then become a student, learning what brings and what takes away from her dignity - do the former, abandon the latter. This is especially critical because you have children. For them to honor their mother and their father, they must see you honor their mother in this way...this is so VERY critical!
Don't try to convince her. Study Rom 5 and I Cor 5, and learn what God says about the ministry of reconciliation. We must never put ourselves into a demanding position with our wives, especially when she is living in unbelief. Remember the story of the man who came to Jesus with his sick child. Jesus asked him if he believed, he said yes, but help me in my unbelief - don't we all need to pray this, "Father, help me in my unbelief; give me faith, eyes and heart of understanding!"
Prov 15:1 is a constant for us, amped-up or not, we MUST render a SOFT answer. Use this model that I am learning to incorporate into my dealings in life, motivated by my situation with my wife:
3. Listen - intently, without thinking of a response/reaction, just hear her - you'll hear her heart this way.
5. Respond as God would give you utterance
You will have many opportunities to engage your spouse in the process of ministering reconciliation, but first and foremost reconciliation with the Lord must occur before there is a platform of it for the two of you. This applies to each of you individually with and before the Lord.
The Bible say "Cast your burdens upon the Lord and He will sustain you; the righteous shall not be shaken." (Ps 55:22).
Be thankful in ALL things (I Thess 5:18), is the last thing I want to encourage you to do/be. All day long, "Thank you Lord!" should be uttered, believing God has you where He wants you this moment, and every moment of the day as wait upon the Lord.
In it to win it!
You are one of the sweetest and kindest men I have ever had the pleasure of entering my life I truly hope that the lord is able to open your wifes heart and allow her to see the amazing man before all of us that we have all come to care for and route for. You deserve to be as blessed as only the lord can may your blessing come and allow everyone to see and hear the wisdom I know helps me get through some days.
ty as alway
this was my reply to your kind words but I thought u may need to hear it twice so u realized u are appreciated and valued and an amazing husband no matter what happens those traits are life long.
I wish I had the wisdom to share with you today to let you feel that the lord is carrying you through this and that the path he has set forth for you is the right one for you.
Always in your corner always praying your wife can open her heart as well so the lord can set her path straight once more.