Day 5 - Love is Not Rude
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
Note: This Dare was completed on Monday, April 30th, 2012.
This dare was at first slightly difficult to accomplish. I've asked my fiancé this question in the past (the first attempt at "The Love Dare") and he kept saying, "There's nothing I want you to change." I tried to press and come up with ideas to help him think, but he just became frustrated and it turned into an argument.
This time around, I had a feeling that it was going to take some effort, but I felt as though I could go about in a nicer way. Earlier that day, I asked him if he could think of a few things that he wished I would do differently; something that makes him uncomfortable or irritated. I assured him that regardless of his answer, I had no ulterior motive, other than to better myself in this relationship. I told him that I was not going to react negatively or be upset with what he said. He told me he'd think about it.
Fast forward to the evening, I asked him again, via text, if he could think of a few things and perhaps have them ready when I called in a little bit; he said okay but wanted to know why. Once again, I assured him that it was not for anything bad and that it is important to me. I told him that I would tell him in good time, but for now, I am not ready to tell him; he respected that.
Later, when I called, we chatted for a little bit and then I asked him the question a final time. He once again said that he couldn't think of anything. I could sense that he maybe wanted to say something but was afraid of my reaction. I tried to assure him as calmly and nicely as possible that I was not going to be upset with his answer; regardless of what he told me. I told him that I'm always voicing my concerns or irritations (more often that I should) and that he should feel comfortable voicing his. I told him that I loved him and that I want to improve upon the things that irritate him. I also told him that this was part of communicating effectively as a couple. If we cannot tell each other the things that upset us, then how can we expect to grow?
He finally came around and very, very slowly started saying a few things here and there. After testing the waters, it became evident that he was much more comfortable expressing his irritations (and he did so in a very loving and gentle way - just like him). It actually turned out to be a very wonderful conversation that I believed help us grow closer.
The following items are a list of things that make him either uncomfortable and/or irritated:
I plan on discussing the aforementioned areas needing improvement later, but would like to post this journal before it gets too late. I am starting to feel ill, but will work on my improvement plan soon. Stay tuned for an update!
These are all good areas to focus and lay these burdens upon Christ to mold within you. But I do have to point out that the intimacy one is hard to lay upon Him. Seek out the intimacy that does not require sexual areas. Look at seeking oneness even before marriage.