I just read today's dare and I should have read it this morning. I will commend my husband for coming to church this morning. He hasn't been to church in a while. The only problem was the fact that we were outside during the message and that was not a 'good' thing. I lost sight again of what was most important and that was receiving the Word. Also, I found out the message would have been a very good one for us to hear, especially as a couple. I am very upset at myself and all I can do is follow my own advice, "don't be sorry, be better". I am struggling with it, but maybe it wasn't time for us to hear the message, I will never know all I know is I cannot do that again. As for the dare, I would have to call my husband because we are not living together currently so doing it verbally will have to happen over the phone. I am scared but I know I can't do it via text or via email because it specifically states verbally. It's a part of me that doesn't want to because I don't want to push him further away, but I trust in God to take care of all of this. It's beyond me, I can't do it and it's okay. I see God working and I'm okay...it's going to be okay! Today I was CONVICTED! I was at church today and right before service my husband walked in. He hasn’t been to church in a while now so my heart dropped in my stomach. We went to talk outside before service and we stayed out for a while. He asked me to go in before I missed service but of course I decided to stay out and speak with him. We made it in right in time for communion. Well afterwards my friend/mentor told me the service was exactly what was going on in our lives. Jonah and the whale. I felt so bad. I have been told over and over how I am focusing on my husband and not on Christ and I haven’t seen it that way, I thought I was focusing on Christ until today. I felt horrible and I still do. I cried and cried after service because I felt so bad for again putting my husband before Christ. Why do I keep doing that. I prayed and prayed and asked God to forgive me but that still didn’t help how upset I am at myself. I am grateful that our God is a forgiving God! I’m upset I missed the sermon for both me and my husband but I needed to this morning, because maybe I wouldn’t have gotten the message from God… “focus on me!” I ask everyone in this group to please pray for me to do better. I know God has already forgiven me, I’m working on forgiving myself and the first time I am seeing the reason my husband had to be removed from the situation. My focus is misdirected. Why did it take so long for me to really see that? All I can do is move from here and do better. *Wondering when this bad feeling going to leave me. I know I need to do better. The Christ-like thing would have been to go in the church and be a good example not to only my husband but to myself. I feel like I missed a very good opportunity....
I just read today's dare and I should have read it this morning. I will commend my husband for coming to church this morning. He hasn't been to church in a while. The only problem was the fact that we were outside during the message and that was not a 'good' thing. I lost sight again of what was most important and that was receiving the Word. Also, I found out the message would have been a very good one for us to hear, especially as a couple. I am very upset at myself and all I can do is follow my own advice, "don't be sorry, be better". I am struggling with it, but maybe it wasn't time for us to hear the message, I will never know all I know is I cannot do that again. As for the dare, I would have to call my husband because we are not living together currently so doing it verbally will have to happen over the phone. I am scared but I know I can't do it via text or via email because it specifically states verbally. It's a part of me that doesn't want to because I don't want to push him further away, but I trust in God to take care of all of this. It's beyond me, I can't do it and it's okay. I see God working and I'm okay...it's going to be okay!
Today I was CONVICTED! I was at church today and right before service my husband walked in. He hasn’t been to church in a while now so my heart dropped in my stomach. We went to talk outside before service and we stayed out for a while. He asked me to go in before I missed service but of course I decided to stay out and speak with him. We made it in right in time for communion. Well afterwards my friend/mentor told me the service was exactly what was going on in our lives. Jonah and the whale. I felt so bad. I have been told over and over how I am focusing on my husband and not on Christ and I haven’t seen it that way, I thought I was focusing on Christ until today.
I felt horrible and I still do. I cried and cried after service because I felt so bad for again putting my husband before Christ. Why do I keep doing that. I prayed and prayed and asked God to forgive me but that still didn’t help how upset I am at myself. I am grateful that our God is a forgiving God! I’m upset I missed the sermon for both me and my husband but I needed to this morning, because maybe I wouldn’t have gotten the message from God… “focus on me!” I ask everyone in this group to please pray for me to do better. I know God has already forgiven me, I’m working on forgiving myself and the first time I am seeing the reason my husband had to be removed from the situation. My focus is misdirected. Why did it take so long for me to really see that? All I can do is move from here and do better.
*Wondering when this bad feeling going to leave me. I know I need to do better. The Christ-like thing would have been to go in the church and be a good example not to only my husband but to myself. I feel like I missed a very good opportunity....
I wish my husband would go to church. I think he's avoiding church and all church related activities due to him feeling convicted about his affair.
Sorry you missed the sermon, but you did learn a valuable lesson. Put God first ALWAYS! Praying for you!
Hi Ash.
I am happy to hear that your hubby showed up at church. This is always a good sign. I think its about time you stop condemning yourself so much. God is a gracious, loving Father and He knows your hurt and your pain. He even know how destructive adultery is to your soul and for that reason it is the only exception He gives in His Word for divorce. But since we have chosen that we will not take that root, He will give us the grace to walk this road to recovery until complete healing comes to our soul and marriages.
I will still insist that you get the copy of Love Must be Tough from Dr James Dobson. It is the best thing I have even done to understand the nature of the problem we find ourselves in.
Remember that the enemy of our soul is doing everything to make us believe his lies and one of them is that we are not gone enough that is why things are not working out for us. There is nothing you can do to get God love and grace. It is there to accept not to earn.
You are a mortal being and He knows this. What you feel and expect is still part of being mortal and you do not have to feel as if you are not trusting or looking to Him because you are. Do not accept condemnation from yourself or anyone else.
Continue to grow and give every feeling, frustration, hurt and pain over to God and ask Him to grow you in these areas and He will.
Much love
Jackie
Ash,
You have grown in this journey and the more you grow and walk with Christ the more the enemy will interfere. And what is the best way for him to interfere? The easiest way to do it, your husband. It was simple for him this time, bring your husband to pull you away from Church. It worked.
Christ is still molding you. Those feelings you have are one of the ways Christ hopes you depend on Him.
Prayer, reading and more prayer. Seek guidance, seek comfort from the only one that can give it to you. Christ.