Today's dare I didn't talk to him about it but I have decided to accept him for who he is a while ago.I use to get on him about not finding what I found to be important. (I don't know how this is even important anymore, he doesn't want to be with me). I know it was just about too late but when we started having problems about a month and a half ago, I did that. I realized the small stuff wasn't important and that I rather be in a relationship with him then trying to change him (which in the past I admit I tried). Outside of the dare I asked him to eat with me and some friends... here's the just, So I made the mistake and asked my husband if he wanted to come over to our friends house since I was going to cook for them. He responded, I’ll see. I left to start cooking and he sent me a text saying eat without him he is not hungry. I thought I went in it without any expectations from him. Well we he said no my feelings were seriously hurt. I do miss spending time with him and cooking for him, but tonight was an epic fail. Then my family back home is having issues there I just feel like it is so much. Again I spent majority my night crying and confused. My friend told me we should be praising God and not feeding the devil again. She repeated deut28 and played praise music for me. I’m still hurting inside. The thought our my marriage being over is killing me. I feel like I can’t do this. I keep trying and I just don’t know. I do not want to be without my husband! Maybe that is why I will never progress any because being without him is not sitting well with me and I am not doing okay. I don’t know at what point people are ok with the mire fact their spouse threw/ throwing them away like trash! I don’t know what I’m going to do. Yes, I am still worried about my relationship so I guess I am an epic fail, I’m not strong enough for this, I keep trying to get it, trying to re-focus and I’m distracted because my heart hurts so bad! My friend told me to ask for God’s will be done, truth is I’m scared and afraid. I just want my family put back together. Call it selfish, call it stupid, I’m just being honest. I feel like I’m losing this spiritual warfare. But I’m thinking about just going ahead and taking my ring off, he doesn’t want me and he doesn’t want this relationship and I’m angry and hurt, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!? Every time I get some strength and hope it all just keep washing away. What am I to do!? I can’t find that peace that everyone keeps talking about, and I’m questioning if I’ll ever find it. I’m going to keep listening to the Christian radio station in hopes I can find that inner peace or hope. If not I may literally loose my mind (Which is one of the reason’s I want to take off my ring, so I won’t feel tempted to have hope in this marriage, I’m sure its over…I can’t live in the denial anymore. It is what it is even though I feel stupid, I’m not an idiot and he has told me several times. And of course my response is “I’m going to fight for us”. Maybe I am an idiot). And I know there is a good chance when I get home he may not be there. It shouldn’t be this way. Me having anxieties if he’s home or not or even if he love’s me or not. FYI, I may not regularly do these journals anymore, I think I need a mental break. I do feel like I really may have a breakdown, literately, I’m that close to the edge. I'm trying not to be negative but I want to be honest. No reason to lie or halfway tell what's going on in my head **feeling abandoned and dying of a broken heart**
Today's dare I didn't talk to him about it but I have decided to accept him for who he is a while ago.I use to get on him about not finding what I found to be important. (I don't know how this is even important anymore, he doesn't want to be with me). I know it was just about too late but when we started having problems about a month and a half ago, I did that. I realized the small stuff wasn't important and that I rather be in a relationship with him then trying to change him (which in the past I admit I tried). Outside of the dare I asked him to eat with me and some friends... here's the just,
So I made the mistake and asked my husband if he wanted to come over to our friends house since I was going to cook for them. He responded, I’ll see. I left to start cooking and he sent me a text saying eat without him he is not hungry. I thought I went in it without any expectations from him. Well we he said no my feelings were seriously hurt. I do miss spending time with him and cooking for him, but tonight was an epic fail. Then my family back home is having issues there I just feel like it is so much.
Again I spent majority my night crying and confused. My friend told me we should be praising God and not feeding the devil again. She repeated deut28 and played praise music for me. I’m still hurting inside. The thought our my marriage being over is killing me. I feel like I can’t do this. I keep trying and I just don’t know. I do not want to be without my husband!
Maybe that is why I will never progress any because being without him is not sitting well with me and I am not doing okay. I don’t know at what point people are ok with the mire fact their spouse threw/ throwing them away like trash! I don’t know what I’m going to do. Yes, I am still worried about my relationship so I guess I am an epic fail, I’m not strong enough for this, I keep trying to get it, trying to re-focus and I’m distracted because my heart hurts so bad!
My friend told me to ask for God’s will be done, truth is I’m scared and afraid. I just want my family put back together. Call it selfish, call it stupid, I’m just being honest. I feel like I’m losing this spiritual warfare. But I’m thinking about just going ahead and taking my ring off, he doesn’t want me and he doesn’t want this relationship and I’m angry and hurt, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!? Every time I get some strength and hope it all just keep washing away. What am I to do!? I can’t find that peace that everyone keeps talking about, and I’m questioning if I’ll ever find it.
I’m going to keep listening to the Christian radio station in hopes I can find that inner peace or hope. If not I may literally loose my mind (Which is one of the reason’s I want to take off my ring, so I won’t feel tempted to have hope in this marriage, I’m sure its over…I can’t live in the denial anymore. It is what it is even though I feel stupid, I’m not an idiot and he has told me several times. And of course my response is “I’m going to fight for us”. Maybe I am an idiot). And I know there is a good chance when I get home he may not be there. It shouldn’t be this way. Me having anxieties if he’s home or not or even if he love’s me or not.
FYI, I may not regularly do these journals anymore, I think I need a mental break. I do feel like I really may have a breakdown, literately, I’m that close to the edge. I'm trying not to be negative but I want to be honest. No reason to lie or halfway tell what's going on in my head
**feeling abandoned and dying of a broken heart**
Your friend is right you should be praising God. He is not letting you go. He is trying to mold you.
Remember, each time you have this longing for your husband, so is Christ for you.
You have to take a hard look. You are so focused on the worldly things. Your husband, your ring. You think taking your ring off will stop the temptation? No... It wont and that is not what it is either. You are justifying what your intentions are by saying that. What you are truly doing is being manipulative. You are hoping by taking your ring off, it will open his eyes and hurt him, even if just a little.
And trying to change him. You cant. Your not God, so stop trying to be. Love your husband for who he is. Not for who you want him to be.
Yes there are thing that need to be dealt with, but Christ will do that for you.