Collaborate without boundaries

Day 26 Love is responsible part 2

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Last night was really hard.  I will just leave it at that.

This morning on Facebook a friend, a pastor that used to work at our church posted a writing from a Dr. friend of his. It was about disconnection, depression, and suicide.  

He was let go at our church under really poor handling by our new incoming pastor as a downsizing.  He was a fabulous pastor an a truly great guy.  He fell into depression and is still struggling with it.

The writing was amazing and opened my eyes to so many 'hint's' my husband had been giving me through the years that if I had just known what they were I could have been there the way he needed me to be.  Instead I only knew he needed me when it got to that horrible deep sadness.

I then re-read dare 26 which I didn't do 2 days ago, and didn't move on to another dare either.  I got stuck.  I got into my flesh, and I made many mistakes in all that I have been learning and leaning on God for over the past 72 hours. 

Rereading dare 26 along with the writing I realized how I had failed my husband.  It was in 2 ways; showing him encouragement, and compassion.

I went to him and told him how I needed to ask him for forgiveness.  He asked for what, and it allowed me to share it with him in detail.  It was special because it truly was from my heart and not a bad place.  I LED MY HEART!  It felt so good.

He told me there was nothing to forgive, and I told him yes there is but it is okay if you aren't prepared yet to forgive me.  I understood.  We talked a bit more about what I had been doing and that it betrayed my true self.  I today him that if given the chance I wouldn't ever take for granted the amazing honor it is to be for him what he is for me.   He thanked me!!!

A good morning.  Thank God.

  • There's always something to forgive. We aren't perfect. If everyone understood that it would be a lot easier to communicate.

    My daughter was talking about suicide a few nights ago because of the celebrities who keep killing themselves. She asked why someone would want t do that and I said because sometimes they feel like the world is just too much to handle. She said how can you tell if someone wants to and I said there are all kinds of signs. I told her many times people will say or do things that are obviously leading toward suicide but people just don't care enough to do anything about it. The whole time I'm talking to her I'm talking about myself but she doesn't know that. She's seen me depressed this last couple years and heard me mention "ending it" but she doesn't think it could happen to her dad. Or anyone around her. 45000 people didn't kill themselves last year for no reason. The world sucks sometimes and people like me (and your husband) need help.

  • I hate to hear that about the pastor. I hope he is continuing to follow God's will in his life.

  • The good moments, enjoy them, remember them, but make sure you, as you did, thank God for them, and that you enjoy Him all the more.  and that you know the good moments are only there because of Him.

  • I know what you are feeling, I had beaten my self up over not seeing that the reason MH gave up on trying to keep the house nice, was because she was dieing inside.

    All we can do is live for this moment and trust God for the rest,  if we wallow in self pity we are doing just what the devil wants. he wants us Discouraged, Dishartened, Depressed, and Dead, and he has 6000 years experience in his trade. So don't give him a foothold, your husband doesn't see this you will have to live it for him to see.

    A friend of mine who taught from the Bible for 10 year found he wasn't saved when he saw his young wife go through a trial and lean on God for her strength and peace, you never know what the Lord has for you to do.

  • Depression, anxiety and worry are horrible situations. But one very important fact we must realize in each instance of those... (And you should tell your pastor friend this) That we cannot see where our shortcoming is in dealing with it, because we have taken the issues upon ourselves. How do I know? Because were depression is, Anxiety is, worry is.... Is where we trust God the least and we deal with it our way... Hence, being here.

    Lay it on the Heavenly father. Be forward. Dont be nice in your prayer. Be real... Lay it out as it bothers you... You dont think God knows your thoughts? But now take it a step further. When you pray... Dont do it when you put on make up or drive to work. Get on your knees... Why? Your body is connected to your mind. Your mind and body send signals to each other. So. BE HUMBLE... Get on your knees. And if your that desperate... Lift up your hands to Him. Why? Well when a child is dependent on a parent and they need them, what do they do? Run to you with their arms wide open to be picked up and held and comforted and they are coming to you for help. So, why do we not take that same love, that same dependency to our Heavenly Father? Jesus did. Remember when He would go off to pray? It was loud. It was crying it was dependency on His father. Our father in Heaven.

    REMEMBER WHERE WE WORRY MOST WE TRUST GOD THE LEAST... So focus on those least areas and hand them to Him completely.

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