Collaborate without boundaries

Day 26 Love is responsible

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Last night and my sleep last night and this morning were horrific.  I was so sad because this very selfish lady I work with just got married, had found her forever, and was just getting back from her honeymoon.  I don't know if I was jealous of what she had, or angry she could find someone who loved her in spite of her selfish self-centered behaviors and my husband won't forgive me.  just WOW right?  It consumed my day and by the time it was time to go home I was a mess inside.

I got home and it ended up pretty emotional and not good.  I didn't want to talk about what I was feeling but he always wants to know and has a way of getting me to tell him everything because I have never kept anything from him.  It was a mess, totally, I wasn't being harsh or mean or thoughtless, but I was a ball of tears that put so much more burden on him when he is depressed and hurting himself that I made him feel worse then he did if that was possible.

I went to bed sad, upset and hurt.

I had three of the more horrible nightmare's in my life.  All of them surrounding being rejected and/or told that I had failed my husband and didn't deserve him or that I was a failed person to them.  In one of them I dreamt that God had to turn from me because I wasn't worthy of Him.  I had failed too much and God turned His back on me because my heart had hardened.

I woke up so scared I couldn't move.  I started to pray and read the Bible and nothing helped.

I woke up early and tried to leave before he got up so I didn't have to see him, I know he would want to know what was going on and I didn't want to tell him.

He ended up waking up and we talked it was awful  he wanted to know my dreams and when he knew them they were overwhelming.  He was encouraging and tried to set my heart at ease about my relationship with God but it didn't help, I was a wreck.

I turned the corner some point during the day realizing that God had blessed me with forgetting the nightmare's in detail so I could push them out of my heart and begin to feel HIm again.

Tonight I am grateful for a Lord who doesn't let go.  One who loves me completely no matter what.  Praise God for being the same yesterday, today and for ever.  Amen.

I haven't come close to being able to do this dare.  I am praying over it now and hope to be able to tomorrow.

 

  • Amy, God is so good, it is really great to hear that he wants to hear about your dreams,on top of that he wanted to comfort you about your relationship with God. Don't over look what is right in front of you. Give God the glory and praise him all the more for what he is doing for you,and in your relationship.

  • You need to remember to control your emotions, and your  heart.  Lead your heart, not letting your emotions lead you.  

    Do a dare a day, if  you can't do a dare, then go on to the next dare the next day.  The dare you missed you can have another chance at in the next round of dares.

  • Envy is no good. God gives you everything you need. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. Maybe you should tell that lady that you hope God blesses her marriage. That could open up a whole new world of possibilities. Could lead her to the Lord.

    It's nearly impossible to hide your emotions during this. My kids have caught me crying before. You're dealing with a terrible situation. Being sad, upset, and hurt are completely understandable. Take it to God in a long prayer before bed. Talk to Him about it.

    I had similar nightmares/thoughts early on. Still do every now and then. But, if you have confessed your sins to Christ and repented and you are living a righteous life then you ARE worthy. You are right where God wants you. Give it all to Him and let Him lead you. If your husband is part of His plan the so be it. Just let God work on you and let Him work on your husband, through you. All in His perfect time.

    It's nice that your husband talked to you about it.

    God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Not a lot of people can admit that.

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