Collaborate without boundaries

Day 20 - Love IS Jesus Christ

  • Comments 5
This was an amazing chapter to read and dare to.
My salvation and faith in our Lord and Savior has never waivered since I became a Christ Follower at 16.  My testimony is for another day.
This chapter just solidified for me that the problems we are having are because I stopped being filled with Christ's love via fellowship and therefore became selfish to the point my husband felt neglected, and actually pulled away because he felt he could no longer count on me.
Two long years it went on and I had no idea I was being like that.  
Reading this chapter was confirmation that my walk with our Lord was solid but my fellowship was not.  
It breaks my heart I have hurt my husband, it shattered me to know I let our Lord down.
Today started off really badly.  Verbal conversations never end up being conversations at all.  They end up being an judgement about one of us.
I went to church alone again this week, afterwards I asked him to breakfast.  I picked him up and we went out.
He was so taken aback after the horrible conversation we had that I would want to be with him at all.  I keep trying to help him understand I have never had bad thoughts about who he is and where he stands with God.
So we got home and it was pretty awful.  A blessing in disguise was an unplanned trip up to the cabin to pay someone for doing the abatement that was needed by law before next weekend.  We were planning on going up but my husband got sick so we decided to stay home.
At breakfast we talked about just trying to get back to 'normal' for a few weeks to see if without all the hurt and stress we are putting on each other we could just be us again and see how that feels.  It was his idea and sounded like answered prayers to me.  however ,by the time we got to the car he had all but changed his mind.  
We took the trip up together and it was a blast, we listened to music, he sang, we took in God's glorious art work in the canyon and on the way down we stopped 3 times for my husband to share with me his little slices of heaven he had found on the trip by himself..
We had fun, we laughed, we talked, we were 'normal'.
As we got closer to the house he said he was stressing going back to the house.  I told him I felt the same way.  I asked can it just be a continuation of what we are experiencing and doing now?  He said yes.  
When we got home it was okay, it stayed the way it was, and I didn't hassle him about where he was sleeping or anything else.
I spent the entire time praying and praising God for the chance to be ok with where he was in his journey back to us.
I know there is so much for to work on to make my relationship with Christ all that is important.  The center of my life, daily, minute by minute.
I pray that God offers my husband healing, peace, a feeling of self worth, I know God has forgiven me but I pray that my husband will continue to have patience..
  • Such a blessing to me to see this happening to you. the Lord , in my situation, is teaching me not just to be willing to but to chose to live alone with him for the rest of my life; not that my wife may nefer come back but as you said "the center of my life, daily, minute by minute.

    Be prepared for hard times God let's them happen in times like this to build endurance, which builds character, and character builds hope, that does not put to shame.

  • Josh and Amy, a lot of people type in a word doc and then copy and paste onto this site to avoid being timed out.  Also, if you notice the page drop a bit, go up to the upper left hand of this page and click on the link to give you more time.

  • He let his guard down.  That's great.  Enjoy the moments and let God know you enjoy Him all the more.  And if your husband realizes that he let his wall down, he may choose to put it back up for a time.  so if he gets colder for a short time,  do not fear.  

    Y0u mention your walk in the Lord was solid.  And I am sure your walk was more solid than mine will ever be.  But, wasn't there a *** in the foundation of your walk in Christ if you let the love of Christ not flow to your husband as it should have?

  • THank God for the good moments and I pray they continue and get even better.  but, be cautious, for when the good moments come more frequently it is so easy to find comfort in this and slowly let go of the comfort tn Christ, without even realizing it. It can be a dangerous time.  

    And if he keeps letting his wall down, realize he will be scared. If he's doing the right thing, if it will really work out, if you really have changed or not.  Your continued testimony in being steady in the dares is very important right now.  Be cautious of doing more than a dare a day.  Your flesh will want to pull him up to where you are.

  • Self reflection is huge. You've already won a huge part of the battle by realizing flaws in yourself.

    It sounds like things are not too consistent and that means you have to be VERY consistent.

    I'm like you, in that I need to work on my relationship with Christ. To make Him number one above all. I still, even right now, place my wife above God in my heart. I know better but my thoughts betray me. I hope no one experiences what I do. That's why I spill my heart on here. Put God first. Put God first.

Page 1 of 1 (5 items)