Collaborate without boundaries

Day 14 ... taking delight

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Today was a day that caused me to realize the depth of our relationship and how God is using this journey and my husbands to bring us closer together not farther apart as he thinks.

I woke up from an awful nightmare.  I rarely ever have bad dreams but this one was horrible, I woke up scared and shaking.  I went out to my husband and asked him he could hold me for a few minutes that I had an awful dream.  He said of course and we laid on the floor in the living room for nearly 30 minutes.  I told him about my dream and he held me tightly.

I was able to express to him how much his love and compassion for me helped. Afterwards when I sat up he let me rub his feet for him.  It is something I have always done for him regularly and haven't been allowed to since he first came home and told me he wanted to leave.  I took such delight in the experience.

I was so grateful I could feel God with me all day, I didn't contest anything he stated and just allowed him to make all the decisions.  We didn't argue, I didn't cry, and as it got closer to bedtime I just didn't want to go to bed alone.

Instead of asking if he would come lay down with me I asked him if I could sit out in the living room with him.  He said yes, and with that I ended up falling asleep on the chair.

I woke up a few hours later and went to lie down in bed.  He came in about 3am because I hadn't gone to sleep yet and laid down with me.

I praise God for all He is doing in my life to please Him

My readings have me in the Psalms right now and I am at 142 where it talks of David's depression in light of Solomon's desire to have him killed.  He never let go of God's promises and neither shall I.

  • Remember to give God the glory, and lean in to his grace and love, and let Him know how much you love him, He will give you all you need in your husband. Remember to thank God for His love.

    It is wonderful that he is responding to the Lord and moving toward the light of the risen King, remember that this may be temporary, he may pull back to let you know he is still in control, , trust in God and let him know that he has the special place in your heart. Let God work on your been and seek heart.

  • Josh makes some  good points, including if he pulls back for a time.

    That is a great feeling to feel God all day.  Now, next time you feel yourself sliding into the pit of despair, remember the feeling of God all day and get back to  that.  In all circumstances we can feel the joy of Christ.  It may take lots of pray and bible reading to do so, but it can be done.  

  • Wow. Amazing. Great news. That one moment brings such clarity to a relationship. What it SHOULD be like. Hopefully it made a lasting impression on your husband as to what he is missing. I'm so happy that you shared the good news. Thank God for what happened.

    I'm trying so hard to tell you something helpful because I see your husband's behavior in me. I needed my wife to stick with me through my depression. I needed her to ask me how I was feeling. To ask to hold me. To tell me she was there for me. I kept pushing her away and she finally left for good. I didn't want that but I just didn't know what else to do. Just don't give up on him.

  • Eddie, thank you for sharing.  I try daily to remind my husband that I love him without limits.  That not matter what I am not going anywhere.  I tell him that I would forgive him anything because I am forgiven.  I tell him I will never want him to leave, that my life would never be better without him and that he is cherished.

    We have this cartoon on the refrigerator from when our daughter was in grade school and was picked on.  It was a picture of little boy, his arms are crossed in front of him and his head is in them facing forward.  The caption read "I KNOW I'M SOMEBODY BECAUSE GOD DON'T MAKE JUNK".

    It is so important for my husband and you to remember that God Created you.  He doesn't make mistakes and everything He creates is GOOD.

    My love for my husband runs deeper than anything I have ever felt in my life outside of the incredible love and grace I feel from my Lord.   He gives me this endless pool of love for my husband and it is because he knew he needed someone who could stand firm with him through these depression spells.  

    The difference this time is that I caused some of the sadness he is dealing with so he doesn't trust me to help him and I am on the outside looking in for the first time he has battled this fight.  God is with him though so he is not alone, I have to remember and trust in that.

    I will pray for your wife to remember what is was like to see you on the other side of this battle you are fighting and that she opens up and comes back to stand with you.

  • Thanks Amy. I see something now that I didn't see before because you said God doesn't make junk. God gave me a gift. I know it. I am able to talk to people and be very warm and friendly to them. He also gave me the ability to read and speak very well. He gave me everything I need to spread the gospel. I have denied that my whole life but I know that is my calling. Now, I feel like a first century apostle. I have to battle through trials and tribulations to get there.

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