Collaborate without boundaries

Day 13 love fights fair

  • Comments 6

It is so sad but I can't bring this to him to discuss, our line of communication is just not that open and he will just view it as my telling him what to do.

So I will do what it asks of me to do for my part.

Today was today...  I left work and I always check to see where he is on our life 360.  He turned himself off. I thought it was a mistake but when I asked him he said oh i'll turn it back on.  But he never did.

The group is me, him, and a dear friend of ours.  It crushed me.  He has us sign up years ago so he would know we were okay and we would know he was because his job can take him to pretty icky places in the city.  I commute so it is a wonderful feeling to know he is watching out for me and me for him.  Our friend is alone now so it was always so sweet that she knew we were looking after her. 

When I got home I was upset, he normally moves the trash cans away from the street so I can park, but he hadn't.  the small things that showed he care are all but gone.  I rammed my car into one of the trash cans so I could park (no damage done).  I came in and I wasn't in a great mood, I dropped all my stuff and he asked what was wrong, I told him I just needed to use the restroom.

When I got out I had collected myself.  We had a good talk about a bunch of stuff and he actually shared a lot with me.  I feel so bad for the depression and physical pain he is in.  I don't understand it but I know it hurts him deeply.

We went out to dinner and when we got home I asked when he had decided to shut off the 360.  He said 2 weeks ago.  I said no, when today did you?  He said about noon.  I asked why, and he didn't have an answer.  I told him it really hurt.  He said then I guess I will turn it on, I told him no, do so when you feel like you want to.  

I went to our room and again he is on the floor.  its breaking my heart.  

God be with my husband and heal him.

  • Don't feel bad about it, find your comfort and safety in your God. I want to encourage you to try and let God stay at the center of everything, and view the things threw goggles mad of the gospel. it helps me love and speak kindly to my father in law, and all the others involved in the situation that I feel hurt by.

  • For now, consider it a good thing the 360 is off.  It can easily turn into a form of snooping to check up on where he is, and then the flesh becomes active and you begin wondering why is he there?  Why is he spending so much time at this location?  And you may begin to question him about it instead of remembering love believes the best.  

    Do not worry about him shutting it off.  It is just another way of him showing you he hasn't let his wall down.  The same with the garbage cans.  He's justifying his behavior to himself.  Let these things go.

  • Why run into the garbage cans, was it a way to prove a point to him he didn't more them?  To gain attentioon?  to get a reaction?  It rhey were in a parking lot would you have hit them?

    And why show attitude when you came in?  To gain attention?  Nest time just come in as usual and seek privacy while in the bathroom or bedroom to calm down in prayer.  Or reading the bible.  

  • It's great you are being compassionate and are concerned about his health.  But let it go and let God use the hurting due to sleeping on the floor for his good. We change for Christ when we are in pain  physical or mental.  When we are in comfort, our flesh says why change for God?  I am just fine right now.  

  • Tim, he didn't see nor know about the trash cans.  It was me being hurt and lashing out at something that couldn't hurt me back.  Bad choice but at least I didn't lash out at him.

    As to when I came in, I am someone who puts everything where it belongs, so just dropping it all and going to the restroom wasn't in character so he asked me what was wrong.  Truly I had to use the restroom and it was better than barfing what I was really feeling.

    I will trust that the Lord will lead my husband back to a place where we find oneness with Christ.  I can't but have it hurt.  What if there is an earthquake, or something else and I don't know where to find him and he can't find me.  I do understand the 'snooping' thing but that isn't me.  I have never been like that.  It has always been about the way her cared for me.

    I just miss him.  Deeply.

  • I miss my wife deeply also. It's a feeling that just doesn't seem to go away, even with time.

    Before my wife got me kicked out I was in the exact same boat. I tried to discuss things with her but she DID view it as me trying to tell her what to do. She said is was manipulation. She loves that word so much.

    Two years ago I was so much like you say your husband is now. My wife was doing what you are doing. She was fighting for me. She even got to the point that she got tired of it and told me so. She warned me that if I didn't snap out of it she was leaving. I was so depressed though I didn't listen. Your husband needs help. I wish so bad I could talk to him. It just sounds so familiar. The biggest mistake I ever made and I can't undo it now.

    It took my wife actually leaving to snap me out of it. I began to go to church regularly after that and opened up to the gospel. I began to realize life wasn't what I thought it was. I didn't need to be depressed. God had given me more than I deserved and I messed it up.

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