Collaborate without boundaries

Day 12 - Let Him WIN!

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So I don't know how I got my day count so off, but I am actually on day 12 today.

A good one after yesterday.  

I woke up depressed which is odd because I have never had that feeling before.  We talked a bit this morning and it was very hard because I knew I was not prepared to talk rationally.

I ended up leaving the house in tears and hurt.

By the time I got to work I remembered what has been stated so many times here.  His choices not mine, his actions are not mine.  All I can do is let him make them, stay the course of getting right with God and pray God blesses me with my marriage and my husband being mine.

I called him and told him I was sorry for the way we left things and to know that I will do my best to honor his requests the first time even when it goes against my nature to let him make decisions that hurt him. 

I got home and it was civil and that is the best it can be right now.  We celebrated our dog's 6th birthday and sat together in the living room for a bit.

It was time to go to bed and I turned the heater up because it is so cold on the ground.  When he got back from taking our dog out he said it was very hot in here.  I said it won't be when you are on the floor.  I turned it down to where we normally keep it at night and told him I just wanted to see how it felt when he was laying down.

He assumed I didn't listen to him and turn it down and yelled at me and told me to do whatever the *&^ I wanted to because that is what I do.  I told him I did what he asked but I was waiting to see if he wanted it different before I went into the bedroom.  

I got very angry in our room and mad he had to make the night end like that.  That I had done what he had asked and still he would do that.  He NEVER yells or cusses, but he did both.  It hurt.

I came in and was arguing with myself out loud.  

a bit later I started to cough so I went to the hallways to get some cough drops.  I told him that I had done what he asked.  He said after 5 times, I said no I did it the first time and wanted to wait to see if it was okay when you laid down.  He said oh, I'm sorry.

I thanked him.

this is so hard.  But I realized as I was arriving home tonight that I have always put my husband 1st or just under God since we have been together, but it was never noticed because I loved them both so much and their desires for me were always the same.  Until they weren't.

That's why when he told me how horrible I had been towards him it crushed me, I couldn't separate his judgment from what God must think of me.  I failed them both.

I now know that God is the one I need to be singly focused on.  pleasing Him and finding my comfort, and identity in Him alone.  He gave me my husband to be his partner, not to take His place.  Maybe this is the only way the Lord could grab me back to be His and HIs alone.

I took every opportunity to let my husband win today and it will be my goal to do that every day from now on until it is a habit.  This is what he needs to know I respect him enough to allow him to be in charge of his own choices and eventually choices for us.



  • So often in this trial we look for ways to make things better for  our spouse.  And these things get them so angry at times.  Keep the thought of stick to  a dare a day no more no less and it will help you from doing to  much and pushing him further away.

    or if you want to do something like  turn the  heat up, ask instead of just doing. Let him make that  decision.  

    They make their life so much harder but that is their choice and  God can use that to gain their attention just like he's gained  ours  in this  trial.

    Glad you came to realize all the things you mentioned, that you have learned in this trial.

    Now, continue to  seek His wisdom and strength and  grow in endurance in Him.

  • Thank God for the civility and  that venom isn't always being spewed.  

  • When God had me give MH to him it was so painful that I was screaming but when I was finally able to let go he gave me a vision of our family back together. God has a pedistal for himself and we are not permitted to put anything on it but Jesus. He has what it takes to teach this and give us the strength to walk in it.

  • He chooses his actions. You choose your response. It's not easy but you can choose to react positive to everything he does.

    It's so hard to see ourselves in any kind  of negative light. When someone points out something about us that they see as negative it's hard to accept but it is such an opportunity to grow. He has to do the same though. It can't be just you.

    Like Tim says, don't make any assumptions about anything. Take care of yourself. If he is cold let him turn the heat up. Let him ACTUALLY be in control if you want to let him win. ASK if you can do anything, don't just assume you know what needs to be done.

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