Collaborate without boundaries

Day 5 - I could have used this one yesterday!

  • Comments 6

Today was hard, I was frightened he might actually leave after I hurt him so badly last night.

I asked him the dare question and his response was "What would it matter if I told you?"

I told him it would matter a lot.

He didn't answer and then I did one of those three!  

He will be trying to look for something or do something, like tonight he needed a charger that worked.  He had loaned me his because mine had broken as well.  I have a different one now and offered to give it back to him.  He said no.  I got it for him anyway.

He said, that is one!  When you do things when I ask you not to.

Sounds so simple but it is nearly impossible all the tools and skills I have yet to even be consistent in much less have as second nature yet will be needed to honor this for him.

I always told my girls I shepherded at church that you always know when you are doing God's will because what He has asked of you is so far beyond your ability on your own that you will be forced to lean on HIM for the strength and wisdom to do His will.

This is exactly what this 1 thing is.  SO beyond my capabilities that God will need to carry me through and guide me through the mine field of my selfishness and arrogance to think I know better what my husband is thinking and that I must give him what I think he needs.  UGH, so far to go...

right now I think my husband thinks I am not sincere.  I know it is a process.  I just want to Honor God through this process.

 

  • you are right, He thinks you are not sincere.  He sees this as a ruse, to win him back, and then you will be back to your old self.  He thinks no one changes, especially overnight.  And he will probably try to trip you up, to make you fail, so he can justify himself and say, see, I told you, you haven't changed a bit. You are the  same person you've always been.

    So, you need to stay and  continue to  stay in the dares consistently as you can.  and in time, his fear of you going back to your old ways has a better chance of diminishing.

  • My wife is doing the same thing, through her dad, and it is daunting and hurtful. God in His grace though is sufficient and, if you ask, will give you grace that you can share with others. I need this grace because my father in law has written me off, as far as I can tell, and iterprits everything I say to my wife. So I stick to the dares and hope he sees the difference too.

  • I think I was the same way. I did things that I though was nice even though my wife didn't ask for them. I wasn't speaking her love language.

    I guarantee he doesn't think you are sincere. My wife actually told me that she wasn't taking me back this time because every time she does I change for a while but then go back to the me she doesn't like. I don't agree with that and feel she is exaggerating but that's a moot point. Her perception is all that matters. So realize that it is just going to take time for your husband (and my wife) to see true change. What you and I have to do is ACTUALLY change by forming new, better habits than before. Put God first in everything and our spouses are bound to want us again some day.

  • It is right to admit that you are wrong and be corrected by God. I know only my own situation but my willingness to blame my wife for leaving instead of taking my part and being willing to say I drove her away with a stick made of the things of the world that I had gathered around my self, those things did not foster trust in my wife, and I must wait on God and pray and hope in him. I can place no hope in her because she may never come back. God won't force a person's will.

  • Well said Josh. Even yesterday I blamed my wife for leaving. However if I had followed God's ways years ago this situation may not even be happening. It's every it my fault as much as it is hers.

  • I clearly saw my own faults in my marriage.  Speaking your spouses love language and them speaking yours is imperative.  I thought my marriage was easy.  But it wasn't.  I wasn't putting int he effort to speak her love language every day.  For me words of affirmation mean nothing,  but she needed that.  So when some other guy spoke her love language, while her husband didn't, it was pushing all her buttons.  What she did is on her, but I failed my part as the husband that was supposed to build up is wife.  I take my blame, I just wish she would have tried to fix things instead of running away.

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