Collaborate without boundaries

Day 4 - I FAILED!!!! EPIC failure

  • Comments 5

I did great on the challenge today, it was kind of a back and forth with my husband it actually felt so special.....

            Then.....

I had a dental appointment and I hate the dentist and I was in real pain on the way home.  I went to pick up our prescriptions on the way home.

I was crying when I got home and got emotional which is the LAST thing I should be as I say things I don't mean, they come out wrong and without a doubt I hurt him.

I told him I wanted to hug him, and he said why don't I hug you.  It was beautiful, until I went into the bedroom to get changed he went to the restroom and came in and asked me why I was crying...

Long story short I told him I missed us, I thought on the way home how nice it would be to be held because I was hurting.  I told him I knew I didn't derserve to ask that of him and that I knew he didn't feel it.   UGH!!!!!!

He took it all wrong, it wasn't what I meant.  I meant to say that I know he was still protecting himself from me.  but he looked at me like I had stabbed him.  I told him it wasn't what I meant.  I told him that I know how much he loves and cares for me because he is here, he hasn't left even though.

I explained that I was so sorry, I told him I knew he was seeing the changes in me, I could feel it, it was amazing.  please don't take this miss step in words as me not growing and learning.  I told him how much I loved him and how much he means to me.

He just told me that he has just realized the depth of his care for me, because he didn't react the way he initially was going to.

I failed, I knew I should have waited in the car to stop hurting so much, or just gone into the bedroom and not asked for what I selfishly wanted and didn't deserve.

What kind of person am I that I couldn't be comforted knowing he cared, and talk to my Lord about my pain, and left him alone.

I just don't know if he will ever open up again to me.  I felt it happening it was so sweet.  then I ruined it.

 

  • God's grace covers our mistakes, and how wonderful that is!  We all make mistakes because we are human, and it is unrealistic to hold yourself to a perfect standard.  When we do feel like we have made a mistake, God simply asks us to admit it and ask for forgiveness, and move on in the strength of His love.  

  • Right Determined, Amymg1 God uses our weakness and shows his strength, you showed true broken humility and the pain in your heart, he saw it, Don't forget God is in control.

    Commit your way unto the lord and he will bring it to pass.

  • right now, when hurting, look to God for comfort only. And if your husband offers comfort that is great.  but have no expectations.  that is what gets us off the path at times.

    As Determined said, God covers mistakes.  

    your flesh is looking at a mistake as the ultimate disaster.  Maybe this took a half step back. but you have taken several steps forward in building testimony.  Your testimony was not broken.  Just continue to  lead your heart vs letting your emotions lead you.  And stay consistent in the dares.

  • When you have a good reaction from him when you do the dares, it is so easy to try to take control and pull him to where you want him vs leaving it to God to  do the work.  Enjoy the good  moments like the phone call.  And then be still and let God know you enjoy Him more, and  you know it is only because of Him that the good moment happened.

    Be in God's peace.

  • Its impossible to not be emotional at a time like this. He asked and you told the truth. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

    Maybe when he asks stuff like that you could make it clear to him that you are going to tell him exactly what you feel and that doesn't make it right or wrong but its from your heart.

    He doesn't realize it but his care for you is his choice. I say this all the time but love is not magic. Love is a choice. He can choose to love you and it WILL happen. You can choose to love him also, in spite of his choice. Christ chose to love us when we hated and crucified Him.

    Keep doing the dares as they say and let God work on your husband while He works on you.

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