Collaborate without boundaries

Day Three - I never have liked roller coasters

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Yesterday would have been day three but the Lord had different plans.  As I had my whole 'plan' set up to get him something he would have no idea I would have thought to get him, my car began to sputter up the freeway as I approached our valley.  WOW!  This can't be happening.  

While I know enough to know I have to take it to our mechanic, my first call is to my husband, or was it, or should it...  UGH....  Crying because I didn't want to disturb him or put him in a position to have to do something for me, I called.  He immediately said go I'm heading over.  It was tense when he arrived because I think he expected me to explain to the guy what was wrong but instead I explained it to him to talk to the mechanic.

I apologized as we got into the truck and he said no problem.  He told me rather than renting a car he could drop me off on his way out and pick me up on his way back in if I could get off when he was heading back up.  I said of course and thanked him.

When we got home I was a bit disappointed but he made us a simple dinner and we talked about our day.  I was sure to stop, look at his amazing beautiful eyes and listen when he talked.  I had forgotten how beautiful they were.  

Then I told him I was heading to bed.  I went to him and asked as I do each night, will you be sleeping in our bed or out here.  I promise I will keep to my side.  He said he wasn't sure.  Maybe was better than no.

I woke up at midnight and he wasn't there.  I went out and he was on the floor with his blanket bed and pillows.  My heart broke as I knew the pain he would awaken in from his back.  As I stood and watched him sleep all that the days have held that were good drained from my soul and I was heart broken for what I had done to us.  I wanted to come down to him so badly and beg him to come to bed and not hurt himself.  To tell him how sorry I was for neglecting him.  How very special and cherished he was.

Instead I stayed a few more minutes looking at the man I have loved my whole life and walked away practicing Patience and Kindness as he was asleep and to wake him with my selfish need for him was WRONG.  I got into bed and cried myself to sleep, but somehow it wasn't as sorrowful because I know I had pleased my Lord.

Today we picked up the car, my husband took it for a nice long drive and when he got home I told him I had to run an errand.  I went to pick up our dog's food, and then went to a place he goes with a dear friend of ours for lunch I have never been too.  I had requested from them what his favorite thing was to get there and I picked it up.  I surprised him when I got home with it.  

I could tell he was excited but didn't want to show it.  He told me to stop being nice.  I told him he deserved nice and so much more.  

He is not being a bit harsh, my room, talking about selling his music equipment, etc.  pushing me away. The Lord is my comforter.

To bed to read day 4.... 

  • When you feel you want to do something more than the dares, do as you did in not waking him for your desires.  

    Be cautious in asking to much if he will sleep in your bed.  

    he will say things like  stop being nice, stop doing things for  me, etc.   It is partly that it opens his  eyes that he is not justified in what he is doing.  

  • You see things from a new perspective once this trial begins. How beautiful their eyes are. All that stuff you noticed when you first met them and gradually forgot about over the years.

    His choice to sleep somewhere else is his choice. I struggled with this for a long time and I let my wife have the bed while I slept on the couch. After much prayer and advice from other Christians I became aware of the need to sleep in our bed in order to show unity. She was very angry over that, and never did sleep in our bed after that, but I had to make it her choice to show division, not mine. He knows you want him to sleep in your bed. You don't have to ask him. It probably only makes him mad when you do.

    You neglected him and you see that. But don't blame yourself. Here you are trying to work on the marriage and he isn't as willing. You made mistakes and he made mistakes. It took both of you to get here. So try to be content in the fact that you are putting forth so much effort to do what is right in God's eyes right now.

    It is so much harder to live a righteous life. Wouldn't it be easy to move on and find another person? Then get rid of them. And find another. It really would be. But that's not the way God designed this. We have to be faithful to Him and our spouse no matter what.

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