It's been less than a week but I'm ready to give up. Danny is telling me how he doesn't want our marriage to work and how we're both unhappy and we'd be better off divorced. Today after i gave him a 45 minute foot rub I asked hm if he could switch 2 things in his past what would they be. He said meeting me and his dad dying. Maybe I'm just being petty and selfish but that hurt me so badly. I calmly asked him if he would switch those things if we were happily married, he didn't say anything so I said you would trade everything we could have (like having his future kids and such) and never meet me. He just said yeah. That cut me really deep and I felt like someone punched me in the chest, it physically hurt. Instead of breaking down in front of him I went to our bedroom and shut the door and prayed. Is God listening to me? Can He feel my pain? If He is and can why is He letting it continue? I know He cares and has a plan for me but it's so hard to see through all the pain and hopelessness that I am feeling. Does He want me to stay with Danny or does he want me to go ahead with the divorce? This is all so confusing. One minute Danny is telling me how he doesn't want to be with me and the next he's telling me he loves me and he has sex with me. I don't deny him anything, I never have, but the mixed signals are confusing. I get my hopes up and then he turns around and dashes them, I don't know how many times my heart is suppose to break before I feel peace. I'm trying my hardest to stay strong and be a good wife. I'm trying to pray as often as I can but I'm starting to feel so hollow, like does anyone care about me?
Please pray for me.
I know this is tough and you may not even like what I have to say, but remember I have been where you are right now. Pretty much all of us have, so do not give up! Remember this is a journey between you and Christ NOT you and your husband. Once you truly realize that, you will probably get excited to complete each dare to His will not yours. It took me a week in to this journey to really realize this—to realize I had to let go of control. I, too, had mixed signals in the beginning, and then those mixed signals definitely went away since he said he wanted a divorce, then a week later admitted to an affair, and two weeks later had moved out. However, I had a sense of peace in every single one of those situations because of Christ and the fact that I had given up control to Him. That is not to say none of those things did not hurt, but the hopelessness and hollowness was no longer there. Praise God! I tell you this because it CAN happen! I truly believe once you take your focus off of Danny and put it SOLELY on Christ, you will see a complete change in yourself. God IS listening. He DOES feel your pain—dying on the cross is the ultimate pain He endured for us, but yet still feels our continued pain each and every day. There are things we must go through to GROW. Once I realized that— my “woe is me” turned into me PRAISING GOD! I would not change any of what I went through (except for the pain I personally have caused due to crossing my own boundaries), because I would not be where I am with my walk with Christ without enduring all that I have. It still is not easy, but I know God has my best interest in mind. His will is endless blessing for each and every one of us – we just have to remind ourselves of that rather than being stuck in “our will.”
I hope this helps. Try to just focus on each day’s dare the best you can – no manipulation – pray about how God wants you to complete it. Then that is it. Give the rest up to Christ.
Praying for you!
Christ is molding you. Despite what your husband does or says...YOU KEEP MOVING FORWARD WITH THE DARES. This is about you and Christ. Yes, it hurts. Consider it a blessing. You went to the Lord with your pain when your husband just laid you out. Praise God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are being molded in HIs image. Continue. Continue. Continue.
I am going to be flat out honest. You need to start trusting Christ. That question you asked is not part of the dare. Quit doing things your way.... You have done things your way this whole time and look where you are. Start doing the dares and thats it, no more no less. Let Christ show you the way, and allow Him to take your burdens.
And yes He is listening... You are not. Without being humbled you will get no where.