Collaborate without boundaries

Day 168: Love is not jealous

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Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire.—Song of Solomon 8:6 NIV


Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.

-- It is interesting the two types of jealousy:  legitimate and illegitimate. Legitimate jealousy is the type God has for his people when their hearts are turned toward other desires, away from Him. This takes the form of having idols in our lives. An idol is anything which takes the place of God in our hearts.  There are lots of verses about idols. Deuteronomy 4:24 says “the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God”.  Legitimate jealousy also manifests itself when in a marriage relationship, i.e. the jealousy I have for MB because of her affections to someone else.  Illegitimate jealousy is something completely different. It is driven by selfish motives that are not satisfied with what we have, continuously looking around at what other people are doing or have and always wanting more. This type of jealousy is also called envy. The Bible says envy leads to “fighting, quarreling, and every evil thing” (James 3:16, 4:1-2).  Like the stories Cain and Abel, Sarah and Hagar, and Joseph and his brothers. It is my goal to replace any feelings of jealousy I have with love, humility, and gratefulness.

This evening, I called MB and left her a message saying “good job” helping with Bella’s science project (we all worked on it together as a “family”).

I am continuing in prayer: Dear Father God, I come to you in Jesus’ name.  Thank you for being a miracle maker.  Father God, please renew, restore, and bring a miracle of reconciliation to my marriage. Remove all the anger, hate, resentment, complications and thoughts of divorce from Mary Beth’s mind about me. Instead, Father God, soften Mary Beth’s heart and fill it with the love she once felt for me. Father God, reveal to me and Mary Beth our sins and block all others or paths that are leading her away from me and You. Father God, I know you do not believe in divorce and You do not make mistakes on who you choose for us to marry. Father God, I ask for Mary Beth’s rescue, that she realize I am not the enemy but her husband who God selected as her mate.  Father God, help Mary Beth see that I love her with all my heart. Father God, teach me and Mary Beth both how to respect, appreciate, listen to each other and realize one another’s worth in our marriage. Father God, guide Mary Beth to You, our marriage, church, and surround them with Christian people who not only know but live by Your Word. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

I am thankful to our God for: introducing me to someone that will help me with my business taxes; getting a response from MB regarding the workshop and for her requesting additional information about it; and allowing me, MB, and Lincoln all work together to help with Bella’s science project in MB’s classroom after school.

As a side note, email to my wife this morning:

“Good morning Mary Bell!  Just following up to the below email sting.  Now that we have the mediator date/time set-up, can we now look at dates for attending one of the workshops that I previously mentioned?  I believe this workshop will help us in the future to manage these things on our own.  Please let me know.  Thank you!”

Her response:

“Hi Adrian, please send me any information you have on the workshop you are interested in so that I can look as well. Thank you, Mary Beth”


I followed-up to her email with some additional information.  Just trusting God in the next steps...we will see!


  • That's great she asked for more info on the workshop.  Enjoy that thought and let God know you enjoy Him all the more and trust Him in whatever she chooses to do about the workshop.

  • So awesome that she responded like that about the workshop. I think I read that those workshops save like 75% of the marriages they deal with. I wish so badly that I would have know about stuff like that when my troubles first started. There's so many things I could have done differently that would have probably saved my marriage. The two things I highly suggest is 1) give her space and 2) say NOTHING bad about her, ever. I did neither of those things and not only was it a failure, it damaged the relationship to an almost irreparable point.

  • Yes, me too!  I am just trusting in God in the next steps.  No response yet based on what I sent her.  Hopefully she watch the two videos about the workshop.

    I have not given her much information about the workshop.  I have only referred to it as the “workshop.”  I only provided general information like it is going to help us “co-parent” better. I have not mentioned “Marriage Helper” or that it is a workshop about saving marriages.  She will more than likely reject it once she see that it is about “saving marriages.”    

    I do not expect MB to be willing to go quite yet.  I have a feeling it might take being "forced" to go via getting something out of it for herself (i.e. more equity in the house or a faster d------).  We will see.   I will keep you posted.

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