Collaborate without boundaries

Day 92: Love lets the other win

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Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.

-- My goal for today’s dare was to give into the “space camp” disagreement (MB signed-up Bella for space camp without my consent and now wants me to pay for it, $500) we are still in and just make that point that I don’t want to disagree on that topic anymore, pay it, and do it in person after school. I felt that God was leading me to give-in in this recent “disagreement.” I believe He was holding off until today to give in on this, because it was heavy on my mind this morning.

So, I arrived at the school at 4:15pm (I told her via text earlier I would leave at 4pm) and said my hello’s as I walked into her classroom.  I then asked MB if I could tell her something and she said “no”. No explanation why, just an emphatic “no.” I then followed up again and said it will be really quick and she said “no” again and she walked out of the room.  Bella heard the short exchange and said, “well that was mean of her” as MB walked out the door (I felt bad Bella saw that).  So, I just let MB be and gathered the kid’s back-packs and waited in the hallway for MB to come back and say goodbye to the kids.  I said “goodbye Mary Bell, have a nice evening” as she was walking away. She did not respond.  

So, I waited until we got home and I called her and left a voice message saying something like:

“Hi Mary Bell, just wanted to call and let you know the reason I wanted to talk this afternoon…I know we are in a disagreement regarding “space camp” and “broadway show” fees. I just to say that I don’t want to be in disagreement regarding it anymore and I want to put your preferences first.  I believe we both know how we feel about it, but I just want to give-in and put it behind us.  So, I wrote out two checks to cover the cost and just placed the checks in your mail slot at the school. Just wanted to let you know. Hope you a nice Friday evening!” 

Also, early today MB sent a very cold email to me with the following points:  

  • I owe her $55 (which I paid today)

  • Asking me again for my financial assistance for space camp/broadway show (which I paid via the love dare today)

  • She agreed she will get my commitment first

  • She owes me for Lincoln’s soccer

  • Swapping of Lincoln for Bella, which I need to talk further with her

  • Requesting I pick-up kids at 4:15pm or get my church friends to help

  • Requesting we see a “co-parent” expert

  • Asking me again not to give her any more gifts…she will no longer accept anything from me

  • Said my father refused to leave my vehicle and verbally harassed her(!?!?)…it should not happen again


Also, at the end of the day, MB sent me the following text (note I told her via text earlier in day I would be there shortly after 4pm):

“Adrian, Please do not come to my room unannounced. Please give me an exact time when you will be there and I will have the kids packed up and ready to be picked up in the lobby. I do not appreciate being asked to talk to in front of the children.  Our communication is best through email.   Mary Beth”

How much worst can it get??  Not sure what is going on with MB these days!  Despite all this, l am so entrusting in God at this point, all of her behavior is just not doing anything to bring me down.  I think I now understand her behavior.  I figured out, I can’t do anything to change her, God has to do it.  My job is to continue being kind and being love…which at this point, is the only thing I can do…and pray!    

  • Her distance is her fighting against anything associated with you. Don't ignore her wishes, and be careful not to push her, Just let God handle his part. She knows that you love her, but that love is a lie to her, so just stay consistent.

    Try to keep your communications that don't pertain to the dares to a minimum. Hang in there I know you have a lot of people praying for you.

  • She is being very cold.  But where you ask how much worse can it get?  Much worse.  But, she seems to be acting fairly steril or professional about it, so she probably won't get worse in a lot of ways.  Things may or may not get worse before it gets better, but don't even think about that.  IF it happens, and that's a big if, just be aware and keep leading your heart.

  • But the fantastic thing is that all her behavior is not bringing you down.  That is so cool to see how we all are finding peace in Christ where the world says we should strike back.

    About her saying your dad harassed her.  Just as Eddies wife took claimed it was harassment inviting her to church or sending her a religious pamphlet. (Or something along those lines)  It's really Christ's conviction they speak of as harassing her.  Not you, your dad, or anyone else.  But that's good, she feeling Christ's conviction. pray she recognizes it and reacts according to how she should.  

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