Collaborate without boundaries

Day 57: Love promotes intimacy

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He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.—Proverbs 17:9 NIV


Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.

--Today was one of the toughest days in a long time unrelated to this dare.  I think God is testing my strength.  Prayed a lot today…wondered if God got tired of hearing from me.

First, I received a text message from MB at about 11am:


“Hi Adrian,

I’ve read your response regarding a new schedule. It is pertinent that I have weekends also with Anabell and Lincoln. Both of our attorneys said that the 2-2-5-5 schedule works well for working parents who share custody.  I have a call into my attorney to find out next steps to make our time best for the children.

I am available to stay after school (which I always need to anyway) to help assist you on your pickup days. You mentioned back in June that pick up was tricky for you, so with the kids being with me in the same building, (Bella just a few short blocks down the street) I can be here to help with your pickup days.  I’m usually here until 4:30-5:00 and can be here to help you in those days.”

After the above text message I felt it was best to just ask her to talk about the kids schedule.  I ended up having a good conversation with MB today after school.  Not sure exactly how to feel about it, but I think it is a positive step. 



I asked her if she wanted to talk about the kids schedule.  She initially sounded hesitant saying something like “shouldn’t we wait to discuss it with someone that could help us.”  I said “I just thought we could discuss it together.”  So, we went into the adjacent classroom and I just told her that “I just want to make sure you are okay with this new schedule and if you think the kids will be okay with?”  We talked for about 20 minutes about it.  I told her my concerns and she voiced her concerns.  We agreed to give the schedule a try and to be flexible that if it does not work we can talk about it and make changes.  She was nice about it all.  She seemed very tired, sleepy looking.  I am glad to break the ice about the topic. 

I also told her at the end that I am open to sitting down and talking about any concerns or topics she wanted.  That don’t be afraid to voice any issues directly at me, I told her that I promised to listen and take what she has to say.  I actually had “Day 53: Love fights fair, rules of engagement” in mind.

Regarding this dare, it was tough to apply given the current state and our interaction today.  The book made the point that I need to talk about my personal thoughts and struggles with my spouse in order for MB to feel safe about talking about hers.  I should show that I am willing to be vulnerable so that she can do the same.  So for today and building from our interaction, I just thanked her for our discussion regarding the schedule for the kids.  I let her know that I feel that we can better handle whatever situation better if we just talk about.  She seemed to agree with that when I told her.  That was pretty much it.  I asked her a lot about her students, teaching, school so far.  She seemed to be responsive. I know these are baby steps, but just trying to continue building a bridge even if I take steps backwards sometimes.

  • Enjoy the rememberance of the good conversation, and then thank God for it.  and  let Him know you enjoy Him all the more.  

    She may or may not act a little colder the next time or two you talk to her just to show  you she hasn't  softened.  If she does harden back up a bit for a short time, let it  not get to you and know God will use it for good.

    she saw your patience and kindness and your testimony.  

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