Collaborate without boundaries

Day 5: Love is not rude

  • Comments 3

Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE

Day 5: Love is not rude


He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him. —Proverbs 27:14



Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.


--I knew it was going to be difficult to talk with MB today while we are both at our daughters horse back riding lesson (Plan A).  So, for plan B I drafted a hand note...this is what I gave MB today via a handwritten note:


“Hi MB, it was nice seeing you at B’s horse back riding today.  I am continually seeking self reflection and soul searching about the way you are affected by our relationship.   I know you shared some issues previously during our counseling sessions and I have been really reflecting on those items over the past several months. I would also love to hear if there is any more you’d like to share either positive or negative, particularly negative? If willing, please let me know at your convenience.  I will be all ears.  Thank you!”


The problem I saw with the note is it is easy for her to reject or not respond.  So, she did not respond as I expected.  At least it communicated that I was interested in knowing more on what affected her in relationship. 


  • Be careful when doing the dares to bring attention upon yourself.  We sometimes do that wanting underhandedly to say, Look at me!  Look at how I am changing.  Could you have been doing a little of that when you bring up 1.  I am continually seeking self reflection......2.   Asking if there is anything positive.  

    The dares can be tough to accomplish, such as during the horse riding lesson.  And we often justify changing the dare to make it easier by writing a note or sending a text.  But it just takes a few seconds to say, What 3 things irritate you?  Could you have found time in the parking lot while your child was in the car to ask her before she got in the car?  Would there been a moment you could have asked her by asking her to step back a bit from the others?  

    Just really try to do the dares without putting them in writing.  

  • In everything when doing the dares, have no expectations, even of her not responding to the note.  

  • Great tips, thank you for that advice!  I will keep that in the back of my mind.

Page 1 of 1 (3 items)