Day 9 went fine. I was so happy to be home Friday night, after a nightmarish week at work. Was exhausted as I woke up earlier the whole week and got home later at night.
Day 10, I failed miserably, miserably. It started out fine, I stood up at 6, started the washing (because I knew my husband was planning too), thinking that I will save him the trouble. I had my daughters birthday party at a local Restaurant the morning, so I had a couple of errands to run, pick up the cake, get the helium balloons and make up the table. When we got at the Spur, they overbooked with two more parties at the same time. I was soo upset. (My husband don't do the party thing, so at least he missed all the drama). I tried to talk to the manager and he just shrugged me off, telling me they know how to do kiddies parties. That did not help. In the end we tried to move the tables to try and create at least some privacy and it turned out to be not too bad.
The afternoon, my Mom organised me a surprize baby shower. It was totally unexpected, but it was really nice. My grandmother got irritated with the bunch of 5 year olds that all wanted to help. I told her she shouldn't worry. It does not bother me, and it keeps them happy. We were supposed to go for a barbeque at my parents the evening, but I excused myself saying I was just too tired.
I called my husband, told him that he does not need to worry about the barbeque, I excused us because I am exhausted. (He has not been to my parents house since the affair) Then he dropped the bomb, we are getting visitors and they are staying overnight. I was so upset. He did this, just because he didn't want to go to the barbeque. He could have just said no. I would have taken it. I was already tired, he did not even think to even tell me, never mind ask if I was ok with it. I felt he was so spiteful and inconsiderate. Then he went all juvenile, and told me he will never invite people to my house again. I told him he is missing the point. I never invite people, without asking him first. He did this just to get out of the barbeque. And for the first time in years my family is all at home, my sister came too visit from the USA - and I have to go greet them alone. I said to him, he must try to understand how tired I am too like cancel it - only to hear he had other plans from the beginning. Then he asked me if he ever keeps me away from my family. I told him as a matter of fact he does, because I won't go to dinner or lunch invites if he is not with me. We cannot be having this seperate lives, that is why our marraige got into trouble in the first place.
I cried for an hour, before I was able to collect myself and put a smile on my face and be ready to receive our visitors. Saturday night I couldn't sleep, I just cried. I can't believe that this is what God intends for me. Sunday morning, I read through the dare again and realised how I messed this up. I should love him regardless, for better or worse. Even when I don't feel like it. I was still feelling crap though.
The only thing I could think of was too clean the cupboard surface in our room he has been complaining about for a while now. I also went for a walk to the river with them, even though my foot was paining from the previous day and I felt like crap. This morning I struggle walking, but at least it feels like I did something good. A little step towards redeeming myself.
you need to understand that all these burdens are to be left at the Lords feet. Lift them up to Him and focus on His loving grace.