[Love] believes all things, hopes all things.
The positive things that I can think of my wife Rebecca is that she is caring, compassionate, considerate,loving, is a good cook, can multi-task a lot of household responsibilities without any complaints at all, and is an open and honest person who does not hide her feelings at all, and is a great judge of character.
Now; it is going to hurt me to come up with anything negative to say about my wife, because in reality there just is not much I can find wrong with her as far as things that annoy me---- but I would say this with love and not in a nasty or mean-spirited way; but my wife cannot take criticism, not any criticism at all--- it could be positive criticism but nonetheless if she perceives criticism as something that puts her down or makes her look foolish, then she is easily offended. Another thing that is negative about my wife is that she does not consider that I have feelings also; that I try to contribute to our marriage as an equal partner; I have been unemployed since April 03, 2009 and between being paid unemployment benefits and what's left in the Saving's Account in the bank; I really feel like I do not contribute as much as Rebecca does; I want to find a job that brings in a household income, but I also would like to finish my college education and get my associates degree in Web Design.
To: the adminastrators of Love Dare--- Day Seven---"Love Believes The Best".
I humbly apologize about ranting and rfaving about my wife Rebecca's negative attribute's; even though she really does not know that I am not really participating in this Love Dare Challenge; I want her to know that I really do appreciate her for all she does for our marriage and she is the glue and foundation that holds it together by doing more than her fair share of paying the electric bill; paying the phone bill; paying for the groceries; the car insurance; the renter's insurance; and listen's to me when I am just in a bad mood or just being ornery or grumpy. I feel like I should not have to make a seperate list and burn it; because I am going to believe the best of Rebecca everyday and that means that there will be nothing negative about her that I can mention; just the positive attributes.
I had posted on Day 1 and now it is Day 7. My husband Richard has been out of the house for over a year. On Day 4, he sent me a text asking if rather than I rent a room to a stranger (to help meet the monthly bills) to let him move back to the spare room. I had to wrestle through issues and pray about what God has been teaching me these past three months. It was a tough decision, there is no turmoil in my home, but peace and quiet. But the Holy Spirit has been teaching me about him being Love and on Good Friday the focus was on gentleness and peace. After a day of struggling, I surrendered to what I was being led to do and told my husband yes that he could move back in. He has agreed to a set amount of money to give me; which is exactly what was lacking to meet the bills for two kids in college. :) I did not ask my husband what 3 things I do to irrate him as Day 5 said, but will do that when we sit to talk out the details of the move. I really don't feel anything for him. I look at him and try to think of what I feel and nothing.
I spent just a few mintues on Day 6 with him as he stopped by for a few minutes. I read in a devotional that Acceptance and Surrender need to work together. I know that the Holy Spirit is changing me and I'm allowing myself to experience the Love of God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Sprirt and the benefits of my faith.
Today is Easter! Richard and our 3 children will be over for Easter Brunch. Our kids are in their twenties and are wonderful to the both of us.
Day 7, I will make my list of positive and negative things and put them aside.
Tim... More than her fair share? Maybe that is one of the problems of your marriage. Gods plan is for you to be ONE... You complete each other. Even with the financial problems that come from being unemployed. At the end of the day, no matter the situation, you only have God and your wife. Remember for richer or poorer, sickness and health. As for criticism. No one likes it. And it is not something that is needed. And by not doing the negative list, you are not following the dare completly. You are trying to control the process. STOP... Do what it says, no matter what you think is best. This is Gods plan, not yours....
This dare was not as hard as I first thought it would be, but it did make me sad remembering all the things I love about my husband that are now gone. I chose to thank him (thru e mail) for singing to me (karaoke), everyone knew he was singing to me, sometimes I would tear up because I could hear the love for me in his voice. Everyone in the room knew he was singing just to me, it really was beautiful. I have to admit I cryed for an hour after I wrote up the lists. I realize both lists were the same, it made me sad to think that he hasnt said anything nice to me in over a month now. There is good & bads in everyone. I need Gods love & support today, this has been a rough dare...I really miss my husband... God ehlp & protect me...
I find that i have done this numberous time over the last few weeks while i've been trying to explore
the things that others love so much about him because i have recently had a hard time finding them. This has really been an eye opener. I have blocked these for a long time. I remember thinking in the past why i loved him and seriously could not come up with one single thing. God has shown me many this week.
He had been spening as much time as possible away from home and me. He says he need time to think. I understand i know God is working on him. So being alone i have had lots of time to think. I have really concentrated on not being selfish and demanding his attention. I have reviewed/reread the last 7 days material. I pray hourly for strength to endure the dare and that I have the patience to continue to ask for Gods will. I pray for the safety of my husband and that he will keep his mind open to hear God speak to his heart.
This was not easy, especially with what my husband and I are going through. I wanted to shower him with all this praise about loving me, and patiently waiting for me to get my head on straight, but I knew that wasn't what I needed to do. That just irritates him, I needed an attribute that was tangable, so I thanked him for being a great cook and making sure his family was being fed. He just looked at me and said your welcome.
I thanked my husband for working overtime to take care of us. My husband is making this hard for me. I'm so ready to give up. I have tried over and over to think of the good things. He has insulted me, he gets upset at everything I say, he criticizes me and most of all he has no patience. Its hard to love someone who seems like they dont deserve unconditional love. I broke down crying today because it was hard to be caring and loving and all I was getting was rudeness. Today was my husband's mother's birthday. She would have been 43 but she passed away 13 years ago of AIDS. His nasty attitude made it hard for me to be here for him. I've always been the one to believe in all the good things. I feel like by looking at the good things, I may be overlooking something. It makes me feel like I'm allowing him to walk all over me. He says things and I just eat it up. Its a hard task and I'm going to try. I'm wondering if I could do it because he is so irritable and it makes it so hard to do. This challenge is harder then mourning the death of my mother( THAT WAS REAL DIFFICULT AND I WAS PREGNANT).
It was easy to list my wife's positive attributes. For so long I focused on negatives but today I could only list four negatives. Why? I was a fool for so long but today I can honestly say that for me I have dwelt on my own selfish desires for years. When she didn't meet my felt needs, she was bad, lazy, uncaring, etc. I treated her so badly.
I told her I wanted to thank her for being such a great mom. Our daughters have the best mom in the world. As someone who had the worst mom in the world, I see the things my wife does with our daughters and I stand in awe at her love, wisdom, and care.
I took her out to eat for lunch today and we spent the afternoon shopping in or town's shops. She even let me put my arm around her waist. After I physically hurt her, yes it was an accident and not an act of violence, she has told me that my touch burned like acid and she hated my touch. The reason that accident hurt her so badly is that touch is one of her love languages followed by spending quality time with her. I did both today. It was the best day we've had in months.
Nevertheless, tonight it felt as though we had taken two steps forward today but tonight we went backward 1-3 steps. She told me that I must continue this journey but that she doesn't know if it will be enough to save our marriage. At least she also told me that it didn't mean it wouldn't be enough but that right now she just doesn't know one way or the other. Taken in a positive light, it was one step back. Taken in a negative light, it was 3 steps backward.
I've been such a fool for so long. I'm a pastor and I've helped so many couples save or fix their marriages but I can't do the same for my marriage.
It was easy to list my husband negatives, Maybe is because I am still really hurt? I trying so hard! He is great dad when wants to be he goes to church but he still has very closed hurt. I am going to have the Lord help me this. We have lots of yelling fights but these pass 7 days of this journey I have learn to listen. I can see in his eyes that I lost him. We have been threw a lot these past 8 years. We have hurt each other with hurtful words and actions. But up for the fight with my Lord Beside me. But there one thing that really hurts is that my husband left he partner behind and YOU NEVER LEAVE YOUR PARTNER BEHIND....
I am trying desperatly to beleive the best. I do realize all of the positive attributes about my wife and I love her unconditionally but I keep falling off the wagon so to speak when it comes to some negatives. I just have that strange feeling again as I did when I discovered that she was having an affair with another man. It comes and goes. I know it is in gods hands and I have to trust in him. I will continue to pray for her.
If anyone sees this - I really need prayer to be able to do this dare. I have started this up again after putting it down and I will complete it. I just need the Holy Spirits guidance on opening my eyes to be able to do this list. I am angry. hurt and frustrated and feel blocked.
Well today is day seven for me. My wife is still not responding. I need prayer, help, and little help. Its like she is given up and I am at my wits end. There seems to be nit picking here and there. I to point of filing. It seems when I thing God is fixing this something else goes wrong. Anybody got any advice or encouragement. Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I don't want too loose my wife. But I wont keep hurting.
i need to do this, just don't know how. god give me strength, he is seeing someone and it hurts sooo bad.