Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
I plan on doing at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness for my wife Rebecca for day two-- Love is kind and that is to do housework around the apartment without making lame excuses.
Even though my wife Rebecca washed the dishes a few days ago; I took the iniatative or as my dad would say "the gumption" to take the time to put them away without excuses or complaining about what my wife does everyday and that points out to me I can really be selfish most of the time.
well today is day 2 obviously not sure yet what I am going to do for the day. She picked up OT at work this evening so she will be gone from 04:30 to 00:00 sometimes I think she picks up the time to get away from me but actaully yesterday she asked me if I minded if she worked for one of the other nurses which was unusual but very appreciated. SO far so good on continuing to say nothing negative. I have realized one thing in this short time holding you toungue makes the hurtful things she says to me hurt even more because I dont launch back in anger i just take it and they ring in my head like a loud bell. I think I do some work around the house today while she is gone. Just give me 39 more days God please. I had started trying to change my attitude a few weeks ago and decided to do what I could to make it work then remembered this so it seemed fitting but now she told me that she resents the fact that I couldnt change sooner so her attitude has actually gotten worse. She doesnt knw that I am doing this yet. Just 39 days
I loved this chapter out of all the chapters as it was the most creative and eye opening way to see kindness. Even my husband (Peter is my nickname) who is very analytical red it and said, "Wow I never seen kindness like this". (I bought a book for him too). He has been very kind to me and has put this dare the most into practice it feels great. You can read my reviews on the first 5 chapters at my blog site in the month of February. www.liveeverafter.blogspot.com
Ok.....Im getting a little down about this Love Dare journey. My fiance and I thought we might try it since things have been a little stressed lately which I thought were starting to make us drift a bit. I feel as if he is uninterested though. I have to make him read it, or remind him....yesterday he said we could go have a beach day and enjoy the festival, which he has been promising me for two weeks now. But I decided to overlook it and haven't said anything negative to him about it. Today he went to do some yard work which he totally forgot about our beach date. So instead of getting mad I planned a dinner date and made pizza from scratch and set up candles around the room, and made it super romantic. Well I am still waiting on my unexpected gesture...and I am about to go to bed. He hasn't read the book to see what tomorrows dare is...because we've been doing it at night so we know what to expect the next day. I miss romance in my relationship, and I feel like he's become so comfortable that he feels there's no need to impress or woo me anymore....I feel like I'm wasting my time...and it hurts to get excited and let down so I'm beginning to just shut down and settle....trying to focus on things that wont make me upset and when he wants to love me he will...
That does sound really rough. I say just give it YOUR all 110% and then you know that you did YOUR very best. It takes two to make things work but both people have to work at it. I think I would feel exactly how you feel. I read ahead in the book and one thing I know I will struggle with is not being selfish. I never thought of myself as a selfish person but then I think, well if I only do things so that he will treat me better, than isn't that selfish of me? Instead of wanting him to feel great, I expect him to make me feel the same way. I think that is totally human nature (because of course we feel hurt if we try our best but don't see it in return). I don't think my husband will take it all that serious either (which hurts a lot) but I am just going to give it my best and see what will happen.
My advice is, dont worry about him. You continue your journey and learn to love. It will make you a better person no doubt. It will teach you things that you think you already know. In fact... Personally I think it is better to do it (at least the first time) by yourself. This way, they notice things from the heart. And not expect what is coming. And with selfishness, what you are hoping for and what is done, is usually 2 different things. Don't let him know you are moving on with the dare without him, and do not let him know (other than your actions), and see what happens. But again, do not worry about if he is doing it. Leave it to Christ to deal with him.
My husband is in the Army & in Korea, I had to be creative. I let him know that there was extra money in our account, evne though I know he is spending to much time in the bar & still blames me for everything. He was touched I had called to tell him. I listened to him vent about loving me with all his heart, forgiving me & still wanting a divorce. How I commited adultery ( not in the traditional way) , how he can & has forgiven me but he just cant do it (our marriage) anymore. That everything is my fault. I took it all in, I didnt reply with anything but love & understanding of his feelings. I started crying & told him I had to go, so not to upset him ( he doesnt like to hear me cry) told him I loved him & cryed a little while longer. I reread the chapter, read some of my comforting passages in the bible ( Psalm 31:14,15 & Eccl, 3:1 & 3:11.) I am hurting, but I believe Gods will brought me here & he alone will see me thru.
Today is day 2 for me and I'm at a loss.. I feel like I should be buying some kind of gift or something for my husband and the best I can come up with is an itune card. At the same time, I think that's so not thought out or too easy. He took our baby boys out today and just called that he's exhausted so maybe I'll just let him take an uninterrupted nap instead. ??? I feel like I don't know him any more and we've been together over 7 years. I've let this go way too long. God, forgive me for letting my marriage get to this point.
This will a journey that will be hard. I have so many people telling me just to leave. I've only been married alittle over 2 1/2 years. All we can do is keep praying, I try to convince myself it's not all my fault. I just hope God's plan will keep us together. The cost of a gift isn't important. I think letting your husband take a nap is a wonderful gift, it shows you care & respect him, not to mention it is a very nice, kind thing to do..remember its never to late for a miricle...God bless you & give you strength.
First do not blame yourself. As you will learn through all this is that you are both selfish. But one things that you do not have is Gods intent for marriage. Being one flesh. But you will learn in this time a number of things. And if you allow God to work, without interfering, your spouse will learn somethings as well, just by your changes. And as for people telling you to leave. I would not call them friends. so be careful. A real friend would stand by you and help. If I may suggest. A number of people here have commented on my journals as information they found very helpful... Maybe you should read them. It may give understanding in a few areas that you have concern.
Man, this is going to be a hard one, because I am just not feeling it. I have to remember, this is NOT about doing something and expecting something in return...I am just doing this because it is the right thing to do. Grrrrr!
Did get a chance to do this today...hopefully the opportunity will present itself tomorrow.
Hi all. I am new to the love dare. I love my husband more than I ever thought I could love anyone! We have 2 beautiful children together and out of our hurtful marriage, they suffer the most. No, they are not physically abused or anything like that but they see us argue everyday. They hear the name calling, the ugliness. I used to have joy in spending time playing with my kids, but that is gone. I used to enjoy going to Church, but that joy is gone. I have no joy in anything anymore. So much is going on in my life and to have my marriage failing makes everything even worse.
My story: My husband and I have been married just 2 years now. We were together for 6 years and when I had our kids, I left him and moved hundreds of miles away. He was on drugs and I didn't want our children around that. 2 years later, I felt he gave his life to God so I allowed him to move where we were and 6 months later we got married. The day we got married, he quit working and everything (I mean everything changed). He is working now but he has absolutely nothing to do with me unless it is yelling or calling me names or cursing at me. He goes nowhere with me and the kids. He stopped going to Church. He doesn't kiss or hug me or anything else for that matter. He says his mental state affects his physical state. I get so tired of hearing that. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't feel so ugly already. Anyway, I am ready to leave my husband because I am tired of the arguing and him always putting me and the kids down but I know God hates divorce and want to try this...if nothing else to make myself a better person.
The problem is to say nothing negative...when he verbally attacks me... I can hold my tongue a bit but when he curses the children, it really makes me angry and I say things I shouldn't say. Unfortunately the kids here it. I know it is not good but it is not right for him to talk to them the way he does.
Plesae help, we need prayers. Not only is our marriage failing, we are flat broke and I mean broke...not $1 to our name. My whole family is struggling in some way or another.
I need guidance in my life.
Thank you in advance for the prayers.
That being said, I managed to get through day 1. It was hard because we started out argueing but I remembered very early I was taking this dare and just ignored him or said I love you when he started being hateful! Day 2: Nothing negative said and I made his coffee for him.
I'm thinkning of what kind act I can do for my husband today, and I know even if I do the biggest kindest thing he would not notice it or appreciate it..Well I'll try it anyway. I'll clean his house for him, we're seperated and agter I left his house has been a mess.