Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
Thursday, March 25, 2010-------- Day 19: Love Is Impossible.
I have realized that most of these love dares have been challenging and without God's guidance and strength in my life it would be humanly impossible to fulfill these "love dares" on my own. Yes; day by day I am learning that as a painful lesson in my life that I need to rely only on God to give me the supernatural strength to love. "Father; Abba; Daddy"----- I come before you in my brokeness and I want You to show me where I stand with You and Abba; Daddy I just want to ask You for the strength and grace to settle my eternal destination and want to be assured that I will be among those who are counted in the Lamb's Book of Life. Father God I will never deny You or your Son.
The fabulous reality is: I CAN'T DO IT! Only God's love will draw this relationship together, my love will fail every time...no wonder she said she couldn't do it! She, nor I, ever really could - God designed marriage to be fulfilled by HIS love through us - hallelujah!
I'm more secure in the fact that God has ordained me in authority over her and how to pray according to His will, submissively to Him in that authority. God is WORKING! I am gaining more peace and patience. By His grace. I know more blows could be, and most likely are, coming, but He is giving me the assurance that no weapon formed against me shall profit and that He will restore the lost years that have been stolen away. He did it for Job, and will for me, as I remain in His righteousness, faithful to my vows to Him and to her, more and more submissive to His will.
Each rejection is a reminder of how I've treated my Lord and Savior, who continues to love me unconditionally. That "soft answer" that I HOPE I will be able to give her, will begin to say it all. I look forward to the prospect of another chance with her - not so much for what it would do for me, but rather what it will do for her...I look forward to blessing her with God's love through me!
I feel like I am growing with God. but am losing my husband. He talks of nothing but divorce and what it will be like and dating other people and everything. My heart clenches every time he says something like that. I want to give up. I want to tell him to quit calling and coming by. I want to just be done with all this pain. I won't....but I want to. I can't fix this by myself and I know that but I feel so helpless and on some days very hopeless. Everything seems impossible right now. I couldn't do dare 18 because we don't live together and he won't go on a date. I greet him every morning with a text saying have a great day and I love you. No response, ever. I know that I am not to have expecations but its hard to look at the phone and see no response. I need peace in my heart to let things go and not think negatively. Please Lord, grant me peace to continue on this journey with you, please continue to open my eyes to my selfish ways, please continue to work in J's heart. these things I pray in your name, Amen.