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Day 10: Love is unconditional

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God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

—Romans 5:8 TODAY’S DARE Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse—something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

  • For Day 10 of the Love Dare Challenge: Love Is Unconditional-- I actually plan on cleaning up the apartment while my wife Rebecca is volunteering at the church office today; which is Tuesday, March 16, 2010 and one of the days that she volunteers her time by helping out at the church building and by me doing that; it will demonstrate to my wife that I will demonstrate my love to her for the sheer joy of being her marriage partner.

  • I don't think I can do this anymore. He doesn't want to make it work. He wants me to be perfect. I want to make this work, but can one make it work if the other is resolved to leave?

  • Marie,

    Yes.  One can always make it work, eventually, if you are willing to have & show 'True Love', the kind that never gives up & never ends,  no matter how long it takes for him to come around.  

    God promises us that its impossible for a spouse to really divorce us, if we have kept our vows to them.  They may buy a divorce decree, but to God it means nothing.  You are still 100% completely married in Gods eyes, if at least one of you wants the marriage to last & stays faithful to their spouse with True Love.  That means no dating or remarriage, you wait til your spouse returns & repents, as long as it takes.  Always showing love & service to them at every chance.  But one thing is for sure - God does not honor or recognize unjustified forced divorce.    To him it's as good as a blank piece of paper.

    It may take a long time for your spouse to come around but God never asks us to give True Love unless he can promise that our spouse will one day return that love.   Every marriage can be saved, if at least one spouse will hold on as long as it takes & show True Love continually, no matter how our spouse treats us.  Though we may need to protect ourselves from especially physical abuse.  

    The wonderful feelings of being in love, that come from our showing True Love, will help us get through the hard days while we wait for them to repent & love us in return.

    True Love always wins, it conquers all in the end. True Love lives forever.  

    Jesus Christ taught us to love even those who don't love us, those who may even hate or hurt us.  Because he knew that True Love will eventually win out & save our spouse from hell someday.  Thus it is worth having True Love so you can save your spouse, for they are in great trouble with God for breaking their covenants to you, but if you love them anyway, you can save them from an eternity in hell.  They will one day repent from hurting you & all other sins, but then live forever in love with you.  

    True Love makes all dreams come true eventually.

  • Thank you Starlight! I am trying. I am too stupid or stubborn to just give up. I am not sure which it is! He is making me nuts. He held my hand twice today on his own doing, and commented how much he loves his family, but he says he doesn't think we will work out! I HATE THIS FEELING!!

  • Marie,

    You are a strong & wonderful woman.  I commend you for your love & strength & desire to have this True Love.  For True Love is very rare today & very few are willing to do what it takes to have & keep it. But the rewards for having True Love are eternal & all powerful & will one day bring you the greatest happiness & blessings imaginable.  

    I know you can do it, but it takes God's help to endure & gain this kind of love.  Pray to him everyday for the love & strength & inspiration you will need to love someone who may not love you back the same yet.   I promise you it will be so worth it.  Just keep remembering the guy in Fireproof & how he cried as he confessed his wrongs to his wife & realized he couldn't live without her & begged her to forgive him.  Your husband will one day do the same to you.  You are his everything, yet he probably doesn't realize it yet.  When our spouses break their covenants to us it clouds their thinking & they forget how important & precious we are to them.

    Love him up as much as you can & serve his every wish as much as you can each day, even if he doesn't deserve it & even if he is being mean to you.  If will make him see his bad behavior even faster, the nicer you are to him.   But do ask him to do your little wishes here & there too, if it won't upset him, as much as he is able to.    So he can have the opportunity to serve you, which will help him fall deeper in love with you.   For we grow to love those whom we serve. So help him serve you too if he's willing.    His feelings of love & desire to serve you will also grow the more you really appreciate & are greatful for every little thing he does for you.  Gratitude works magic!  

    Try to not argue with him, give him anything & everything he wants, unless it is something bad or evil.  But also ask for what you would like too, but with no expectations.  If he does it, than give him lots of love & appreciation for doing it.    

    Doing these things will cause you to fall more & more in love with him, no matter what he does.  With stronger feelings of love, you will then be able to keep loving him until he one day can reciprocate it back to you.  I wish you the best with this.  

    You are wonderful for trying so hard & I know God is so appreciative of you loving his son, who he knows may be hard to love.  God will reward you with everything you ever wanted someday, as you strive to have 'True Love', which is the one thing Christ came to earth to teach us.  

    Fairy Tales can come true, if we will only believe in the kind of love that makes it happen..

  • Starlight, I just joined this today.  I am a woman on Day 10 and my husband is undecided if he wants to stay married.  We have been married 7 years and he had an affair 18 months ago.  We have been trying so hard and he is tired of my sadness and hurt.  I finally reached a point where I could forgive him and I was able to see life so much clearer with that filth of unforgiveness.  I am doing the Love Dare and I pray every day all day but I hope I am praying the right things.  Your words to Marie were so uplifting and so kind.  They spoke to me and I know I can get thru this.  Thank you so much!  I hope they help Marie as much as they have helped me.  I am definitely going to keep reading here as it is amazing to know that I am not alone in the fight for my marriage.  

  • Kelbran,

    I am so sorry to hear that your husband is threatening to leave & that you have had to endure his adultery. I know how painful & hard that all is, I have had to endure the same & it is only possible to endure it with God's help.   And he will give us anything & everything we want someday if we can but hold on til everything is made right in the end.  

    That you can still love your husband shows that you are filled with God's love & are a really incredible person.    I commend you for being so wonderful & strong & being willing to do what you can to save your marriage.    You do have the power to save it.  God puts all the power in the righteous spouse's hands.    God wants every marriage to last forever & he gives even 1 spouse the power to make that happen.  Eventually all unrighteous spouses who commit adultery or who abandon & divorce their spouse, will repent & change back to the person they promised they would be.    True Love conquers all.  If you have True Love you can eventually save your husband from the Devil who has him bound & you will save your marriage for eternity.  Your husband will eventually be pulled back to you because of your true love, which is the most powerful thing there is.  No one can resist it forever.

    The fact that your husband is bothered by your sadness & hurt means that he hasn't truely repented completely yet for his affair. Repentance is far more than just stopping the sin or the affair.   He may say he has repented but if he has he would be so sorry for all the pain he has caused you & he would want to love you unconditionally the rest of your life & make it all up to you.  He would understand your pain & tears & do anything & everything to help you trust him & have faith in him again. He would not feel worthy of your love but would want to work to deserve you again.   He would let you talk out your feelings & he would answer all your questions & do anything you wanted.   He would be digusted at his past behavior & your happiness & peace would be his only thought.   Until he feels that way, you know he has not repented & is still under Satan's influence.  

    You must realize that since your husband is overpowered by the Devil right now & he doesn't know what he is doing.  He can't see you for who you really are, his princess & queen, his true love, for his mind is clouded. Thus he may think he wants or needs to maybe leave to find happiness.  But that is just the opposite from what he really needs to do.  God says it is impossible for him to find happiness if he abandons you or neglects you in any way.   There is no one in the whole world who can make him truely happy but you.  He may think he is happy for awhile with someone else, like any kind of drug does for people, but eventually any other relationship he has will fall apart & bring him more pain & misery until he realizes you are the only one for him.  

    Until he repent & loves you with unconditional True Love he is easily led to do wrong by the Devil.   Try to not take anything he does or says personally,  I know that is hard not to do.  But he is just talking to himself, as if you are a mirror.  What he says to you is usually really how he feels about himself.  Deep down he knows he has hurt you & feels really bad about it, but he isn't willing or strong enough to repent right now because the Devil has such a hold on him.  But in time, either your love or God's love, actually both,  will eventually help him to repent.    

    Stay strong, rely on God for your strength & direction as to how to love him & what to say to him.  God will help you, for you are doing the bravest & greatest of all things, you are loving someone who is difficult to love.   That is the hardest thing in life to do.  But you can succeed & God will bless you so greatly for doing this.   Be easy on yourself, even if you aren't perfect at this.  We all makes mistakes & say or do things we regret at times, but keep trying & you will get better at loving & serving him & the love you feel will grow for him & comfort you & get you through the hard times.  

    I pray he will respond to your love & you both will not have to go through more than you already have.  And you will at last be able to enjoy True Love from each other.  But remember, he has to learn to serve you to gain that True Love for you too.   So ask him to do little things for you too, if it doesnt' upset him to do so.  Especialy things that require touching, foot massages, back rubs, etc.  to help him feel those feelings for you again.  I will post a fabulous story in a day or so that gives a great example of this.   But be assured God is on your side & you can't lose him, in the end. And all you love & hard work will pay off more than you could ever imagine.  Let me know how it goes &  thank you so much for your kind words to me.  

    Sincerely,

    Starlight

    Even if your husband eventually seeks divorce & goes off like the Prodical Son did, one day he will return, in this life or the next & make it all up to you, IF you want to wait for him.  I don't mean to dwell on if he leaves, but it helps to see the long picture so we don't have to fear as much in the mean time, for if we know our spouse is ours & there is no way they can ever get completely & forever away from us, for God does not allow men to abandon their wives, your husband will one day have to repent & return & love you forever more.  And at that time he will see that pain he put you through & have incredible love for you & want to lovingly make it all up to you for eternity.   To understand this gives us peace & strength & a reason to hold on & do everything we can to love them & stay faithful to them until they repent & keep their vows to love us as  they promised they would.

  • I am at a loss.  My husband left for his mothers house for Christmas.  I knew he would want to do Christmas apart but I am still sad.  N and I actually have been talking a bit more these past 2 days about our realtionship and he is mad, really really mad that I "decided to pretend like nothing is wrong, that I changed into this ho hum, nothing is wrong at all atitude and didn't even consult him" makes him mad.  He said that because I decided to dramatically change, I don't hear his feelings at all, I don't care about what he wants, or that he is so unhappy, that I am forcing him to be the "bad guy" if he were to say that he just can't "do it" anymore.  I was hurt and I tried to take a deep breath and get through our conversation.  He left, and I didn't lean on God, I went right back to my ways of doubting.  I ended up calling N and asking him if there was someone else, I wanted to talk to him about it if there was.  He yelled at me and said that I always do this, he was screaming at me, and I sent him back a text that said I was sorry...I was thinking the worst of him.  That i am no longer living in a place where I think the worst all the time but I do let them creep back in when I am insecure.  That it was one of the major things I needed to work on.  I'm at a loss right now. Just so hard to stay positive and radiate joy when N is so busy telling me I never loved him, that I am a horrible person, that he doesn't think this is going to work...

  • so my husband has been gone 5 days now and I continue to pray and do the love dare on him even though he is not here, i know this is going to be a long journey. I keep crying and keep praying, This is not in my hands only in God's I am just human. So I keep telling myself I am waiting and I will worship God even while I wait. I know what My heart is saying and it can be deceived, I need all the prayer I can get for myself and the boys to lean not on our on understanding but on his.

  • I'm on day ten, I started this because I realised that my marriage was heading for a bad place. It seems ironic that on the day where the dare is about loving your partner for everything they are, flaws and all I find out that he's lied to me.

    A few years ago he bought an adult magazine and that hurt me deeply, like I wasn't enough for him. He destroyed the magazine and swore he'd never buy another one because it upset me so much. I found one in his bag yesterday. Its not the magazine I'm upset about now, its the fact that he knew how I'd feel about it but didn't care enough about my feeling to not buy it.

    He knows that  I know about the magazine, but I can't bring myself to say anything to him. Not because I don't care, I am just so hurt that I'm trying so hard to make this work but it seems so pointless. I can't find the words to express how sad I am. I'm not angry, just plain sad and heartbroken.

    I love my husband more than words can describe. I'd forgive him in a heartbeat...if he'd only turn to me and say it. But he's pretending like nothing's wrong.

    In one of the earlier love dares , I asked my husband was there anything I've done that irritates him and he siad that I never gave him a chance to apologise, that I always tried to make it better because I didn't like any strife. He 's right, I'm the one who always tries to kiss and makeup, even when I have nothing to apologise for. He told me he'd like to be able to apologise when he's wrong in his own time. I promised myself that I would give him the space to do that. Only...what if he doesn't? What if I don't mean enough to him, for him to apologise?

    How can I trust him with the big things when he lies to me about a stupid $3.95 magazine?

  • Today- I finished a CD of some of my wife's favorite 80-90's Rock bands. Made sure the mix did not have any trigger songs to relate back to my infedelity.

    Last night I suffered a minor setback. During our counseling- I became aggitated with what/how the counselor was directing things towards me... my patients wore thin and I raised my voice and spoke my mind... not my heart. It took me the rest of the night and some this morning to recover. My wife has seen the positive changes in me since I started the Love Dare. Although she has not come out and asked me- I suspect she knows what I am doing. She was encouraging with this setback to let me know that out of everything that has happened in the past 15 days... this was my first setback with controlling my anger.

    How could I have been so weak to have a cyber affair? I have the best thing that has happened in my life right beside me...

    I pray constantly through the day to give me strength to stay with this and not let the little setbacks cause me to quit.

  • I am on day 10 today. I love my wife so much, and in the first 10 days, God has shown me how the love that I once extended to her was not a true love. The book and God starting speaking and revealing to me on day 1 how I needed to change. God has completely changed my heart in the few days so far and I have rededicated my life back to His service. I once heard an analogy of a triangle. With God at the top and a husband and wife on each lower corner. As we both start looking to God and following His will for our lives and growing closer to Him, we on turn grow closer to out spouse. I want this so badly. My wife is so cold to me right now. She says she loved me as a friend but not a husband. She doesn't know if we will work and she can't help her feelings. I cry a lot because of the pain and loneliness I feel. God has promised me we will work out but sometimes Satan tries to discourage me from my life changing journey. I love my wife more than anything. Our 3 and 5 year old daughters have to know things aren't right between mommy and daddy. It hurts me more knowing they are seeing that. Please pray for me. I will do anything to win back the woman I love and long for her companionship again.

  • I am on day 10 today. I love my wife so much, and in the first 10 days, God has shown me how the love that I once extended to her was not a true love. The book and God starting speaking and revealing to me on day 1 how I needed to change. God has completely changed my heart in the few days so far and I have rededicated my life back to His service. I once heard an analogy of a triangle. With God at the top and a husband and wife on each lower corner. As we both start looking to God and following His will for our lives and growing closer to Him, we on turn grow closer to out spouse. I want this so badly. My wife is so cold to me right now. She says she loved me as a friend but not a husband. She doesn't know if we will work and she can't help her feelings. I cry a lot because of the pain and loneliness I feel. God has promised me we will work out but sometimes Satan tries to discourage me from my life changing journey. I love my wife more than anything. Our 3 and 5 year old daughters have to know things aren't right between mommy and daddy. It hurts me more knowing they are seeing that. Please pray for me. I will do anything to win back the woman I love and long for her companionship again.

  • Really having trouble keeping the faith. Washing the car tomorrow but tonight family thing was ok but on the way I asked her if she wanted to go to with me tomorrow and got a short to the point NO. I just think she staying around til my son gets married in October and has her duck in a row I hope to keep the faith and God will bless our lives togetherness.

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