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Day 9 - New to site

Day 9 - New to site

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  • My fiance left me and our family two weeks ago tomorrow.  He was in the midst of taking the Love Dare challenge, but something happened that make him stop trying.  I am at a loss after starting the challenge a few days after he left and being on Day 9 now myself, but there doesn't really seem much that I can do since he has made it a point that he wants nothing to do with me to the point he even called me a bad mom.  I know he is hurting and the hatred he has been showing me is something he must get through on his own but it hurts me so much because he is the love of my life and all I want is for him to come home so that I can hug and kiss him then tell him how sorry I am and that I forgive him as well as myself for everything we have put each other through.  Only recently did I accept God into my life and thankfully through prayer, I have been able to do my best at dealing with losing him.  In saying that, I still hope daily, even hourly, that he will want me again and since with God all things are possible, maybe he will change his mind, or maybe he never will.  Has anyone else's spouse left them while they were in the process of trying the Challenge?  My fiance has always been a man of God and even though at times I think his attention to God has been different, he is a loving and caring soul and I cannot fathom what has occurred to make him be so hateful towards me.  We both did wrongs in our relationship, but just like the love God has for us, I would have stood by him no matter what.  Maybe I was simply just not the one he feels he was meant to be with and maybe the challenge was just too much for him.  Any advice and prayers would be greatly appreciated, thank you in advance.

  • Hi Chrissy,

    What you will find, as our dear friend Sean on this site will advise, is this is journey between you and Christ NOT your fiance. Focus on each day's dare the best you can and leave the rest up to God. Do NOT try to manipulate any of them (easier said than done sometimes, I know). Read the appendix in the back of the book if you have not yet.

    Yes, there are many of us on this journey that our spouses have left. I started this challenge back in February.  A week into it my husband said he wanted a divorce. A week later he confessed to sleeping with another woman. Two weeks later he moved out. I am now on day 63 - so KEEP GOING! God will do AMAZING things in your life as well as your fiance's if you let Him and get out of His way.

    You will feel a lot of emotions on this ride, but it is well worth it whether it works out or does not work out to your will - know that it will be God's will and you will be a changed woman.

    I look forward to following you on this journey. We are all here for encouragement and accountability (that is important).

    God Bless!

    - Jenn

  • Thank you Jen and I do realize that this is a personal journey and I am still very sad because it hasn't been that long since he left.  The easy part is living as God wants me to, I realize that now, the hard part is that I do not yet know how to deal with the fact that my fiance (who is also my daughters father) is so hateful towards me, I guess that will come in time.  I know if he truly loved me the way that I love him then he doesn't really mean some of the things he has said, it's just hard to separate the reality of words verses feelings.  Prayer is helping me out so much right now and listening to KLove is inspiring me to become the person I always knew I could be.  Thank you for your kind words and I will say a prayer for you and your situation as well.

  • I definitely know all about the hurtful words. You do not recognize the man you've been with for years by what is coming out of his mouth. Just remember it is his own conviction - his personal anger/guilt/hurt/etc. He doesn't know how to deal, so he resorts to that. Keep praying and God will provide you the comfort you need. Praying for you girl!

  • Chrissy,

    The dare being a journey with Christ you must realize that your fiance is a tool in the journey. His actions will allow Christ to humble you, expose to you many things. It will all allow Christ to mold you more in His image each day.

    Before it is over it may get worse before it gets better. The reasons are once you start trusting Christ, that testimony will come through without you even realizing it. Because of that comfort and love Christ will bless you with, your fiance will be spiteful that you are in that state with Christ. But it all comes down to your testimony.

  • Thank you everyone, but as I sit here in our home without him, I am realizing he may be hurting me now, especially in saying we are over for good and refusing any communication whatsoever with me, but I hurt him too.  I can hardly breathe as I am writing this and I cannot tell if I am about to ball my eyes out or if I am so angry that I am going to hurt someone or something.  My god, what have I done...........I can't believe I must continue on this journey without him when he was the only reason I ever even became interested in God in the first place.  I need help, but I trusted and loved him so much I don't have too many other people to talk to and I can't reach any of them.  Please help me, someone!

  • We all started this journey because of our spouse. Little did we know that it wasn't even about them in the very first place. That is God's work! Your husband may have "brought" you to God, but God has now chosen YOU to be on this journey. Think of it as an HONOR. I also hurt my husband very very deeply. It took me a long time to forgive myself, but once I did - I was able to move forward with the rest of what God wanted me to do - which eventually included forgiving my husband for his own affair. If you have some time I invite you to read the journal entries. You will see how far a lot of us have come after being EXACTLY where you are. Here is the link to mine and I know many others probably would not mind sharing theirs as we continue to post daily. It is a lot of reading, but in my opinion totally worth it. It is what I did A LOT of when I first started, which gave me the strength to continue to move forward. You are NOT alone. Remember that! [be sure to start with the oldest and work your way up].

    I know Sean does not mind sharing his either -

  • Thank you for the reading invite and suggestion, I am definitely going to take the time to read as much as I can.  I just got finished officially writing my first journal entry and as badly as I wish I felt numb, I feel absolutely unbearable.  I need to rest, but my heat aches, I am hoping after another week or two maybe I can start to live my life as a single mother of three as I should already be focused on doing.  I hope my hurt doesn't affect them too badly.  I do try my best to not let them see me upset, it's just so very difficult for me with it being so early on this new journey I've been handed.  I pray to keep everyone here safe from their inner demons and to heal your hearts from any pain and suffering you may be enduring now and at any point in your life.

  • God will never give you more than you can handle...

    He will humble you and mold you in this journey.

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