Day 9 Forum: Love Makes Good Impressions - Recent Threads

Day 49 - Love Makes Good Impressions

BeckyA — Fri, 10 Aug 2012 14:23:21 GMT

There is no simpler yet important way to show my love for my husband than with my greetings. Since beginning the dares, I have woken up when I hear him wake up downstairs so that when he comes into the bedroom, I can tell him good morning. I read my dare and pray while he’s in the shower, and then talk about what’s upcoming in the day in the few minutes that I get with him before he leaves for work. I message him with a good morning after we’ve both been at work for a couple of hours. I meet him at the front door as often as possible at the end of the day. I have noticed that about half of the time, he greets me at the front door.

What a difference all of this has made! Even though he still has such boundaries on any physical relationship, I feel closer to him than ever before. I know more about what he does day to day and how he feels about the things around him. This past week, he’s been sleeping better than he has in months . He seems more relaxed at home and happier in general.

I spent some time on this day with my dad and my brother. My mom is still so against me standing for my marriage that she will not speak to me if she has the choice. She wasn’t happy that they needed my help, but my dad needed the use of my truck and had to get out of the house for a while. After helping them out, I took my brother with me and my daughter to meet some friends at the pool. He did all of the work, and I got to just sit back and visit with friends.

The day was also my first day back to praise band rehearsal. I’ve been on my mic a couple of times in the last month, and it is hard to let myself go that much. When I get caught up in worship, right now, I tend to cry. I’m not willing to give up too much of my evening for rehearsals, and our worship leader was very understanding of that. He kept the rehearsal short, and I was home in time to say good night to my daughter.

My husband was on the computer when I got home from rehearsal. I said good night to my daughter and went downstairs to watch TV. He came down a few minutes later and we visited and watched a movie. A few months ago, he would have stayed upstairs on the computer. I know that Christ is working in him, and I know that my husband is seeing and feeling the changes in me and in us.

more work....

Manorahsjoy — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 08:39:00 GMT

Hubby rang the door bell down stairs so I let him in, and waited for him at the top of the stairs.

As soon as I saw him, I smiled and said hello.

He said hi and asked if the cable guy had been in.

I said not yet but that they were in the way (This all being said as he is walking up the stairs)

When he got to the door, I gave him a kiss.

We got in the house and I showed him the "will be back later" note from the cable guy.

As he read it, I put mu arm around his waist and waited. ( That was the continuation of the greeting because I didnt feel the kiss at the door was enough)

That said, the task was complete, the cable guy did come back that evening and I spent the rest of the night trying to rehearse all that i have learnt in the passed 8 days about Love.

How will I change them from now on?

well, I think that I need to be consistent perhaps.

Before, well now... when I am in a bad mood I dont wanna do anything especially for him, but I think that I could make that extra effort to make each greeting meaningful by being quick to listen and slow to speak.

By not being in a hurry to move on to what ever it is that I want to do next.

I need to exercise patience.

Day -9 Love Makes Good Impressions

JasonEmigh — Wed, 11 Jul 2012 12:40:39 GMT

I'll have to wait until she gets home tonight as she wasn't home last night, but with "him". I am plannning a nice warm welcome but doubt that a kiss or even a hug will be received at this point. I have been praying for her much and for God to touch her heart, but it's a struggle to remain strong as nothing I seem to say or do matters. I am steadfast in my commitment to our marriage and am faithful that it will improve.

Day 9 - I feel lost

Dan — Thu, 24 May 2012 12:18:16 GMT

I started the Love Dare 10 days ago, after my wife told me that she wanted to separate and get a divorce. The last 10 days have been extremely difficult with many ups and downs.

My wife comes from a family that has strong relationships with Christ. I have always participated, attending church every Sunday, but I have never fully embraced it until now. On the day my wife told me she wanted a divorce I turned myself to prayer. I didn't know where else to go. The next day, I was led to the movie Fireproof, and ultimately to the Love Dare. Since then I have felt Christ working through me in everything I do, whether it's work, chores, or my marriage. I am truly humbled and thankful.

The last line of the first dare sums me up completely, "Everyone must be quick to her, slow to speak and slow to anger." That is the exact opposite of how I have lived my life, but exactly how I should live my life. I have had a bad habit of being stressed, selfish and irritable. All to often, my wife has been the person it's been directed at, when she has had nothing at all to do with it.

For the first 8 days, we lived in separate rooms of the house. We barely spoke. It was a tense atmosphere.

On Day 8, we had a tough discussion about what our next steps will be and what has led us to this point in our marriage. I accepted everything my wife had to tell me and told her I am to blame for everything. I apologized for waiting so long to realize that. I know that I have been selfish, unkind, unsupportive and rude. I have put my job first and her second. I know now, in hindsight, that I missed many opportunities to repair our marriage.

She has tried time and time again, but I have been ignorant to it. She actually suggested over 6 months ago that we watch Fireproof. On Day 8, it had the humbling realization, that now that I am ready to change, now that I will change, and now that I am changing, it is too late. I have pushed her to the point where she is tired, scared and unwilling to give me another chance, for fear of being hurt again. She says she loves me, she does not hate, she wants to be friends, but that she just can't do it anymore.

The morning of Day 9 was different. We were cordial. We spoke to each other. We communicated via email throughout the day (unfortunately about apartments she would like to look at). When she got home from work, I greeted her on the porch with a simple smile and a "Hello, do you have groceries you would like help with?"

We cooked dinner together, we prayed together and we ate at the dining room table together for the first time in probably a year or more. We had a conversation. We laughed, we joked. It felt so good! It felt like the early days of our relationship. It was great to show her how I'm changing.

Then I blew it. We had planned to make time to talk that evening about budgets and what she could afford living on her own. Instead, I took control of the conversation and I told her that I have not given up hope on us. I told her how I feel God working through me every day. From the tiniest details, like answering my prayers for assistance with moving a rock, to the obvious examples of when I feel that he further humbles me when I slip and stumble and revert to my old ways. It's because I know he's with me every day, that I haven't given up hope. I know he's here working in me and our marriage and it gives me so much hope. I should have realized this years ago and put him in the center of our marriage from the start.

To her, this was my attempt at rehashing the previous night's conversation in hopes of changing her mind. She was right. It was. It was me being selfish, pushy and controlling and trying to capitalize on a good thing. I took it too far.

She stated that the previous night's conversation felt like a huge burden had been lifted from her shoulders and that we could now be civil and friendly and work together towards divorce. She was worried that I misinterpreted it. And I had. My hope was that we had cleared the air and that we could work together towards repairing things. It ended in tears. Her in the bedroom with the doors closed stating she didn't want to speak to me.

I later sent her an email apology, which in hindsight was also pushy. I sent her a sample budget of what I think she can afford based on her current income. I know she has an appointment this afternoon to look at an apartment.

I feel completely lost. I'm truly humbled and feel like I'm at the lowest point of my life. I know God has a plan for me and that it gets harder before it gets easier, but it's hard for me to grasp, as I don't understand what I am supposed to do next. I can't imagine my life without my wife.

I feel terrible, disgusted and embarrassed that I allowed us to get to this point. It makes me sick that I am the person who has pushed her to the point of exhaustion where she feels as though she has nothing else to give. I'm the reason she is afraid to try again, because I have hurt her so many times in the past, she can't believe that I won't hurt her again.

Sorry for the extensive post. My 30th birthday is next week and we have chosen not to inform family until after that. My birthday is shared with her brother, so we are waiting in an attempt not to upset everyone. In the meantime, I haven't had an opportunity to share with anyone, and have kept everything bottled up inside, avoiding family and co-workers.

I have frequent conversations with God every day. I know he is listening and his is with me. I pray he will continue to work through me and our marriage.

Day 9- ugh this is hard

Missy is Faithful 2013 — Fri, 18 May 2012 01:12:34 GMT

Ok....so I sent him a pic of me smiling and said

Just saying hi. Hope you had a great day and wishing you a great night.

He responded...(at least he noticed)

Enjoying life I see....

That's good....

Doing good trying to not read into it. But it is so hard!!!

Day 9 - New to site

Chrissy — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 20:56:21 GMT

My fiance left me and our family two weeks ago tomorrow. He was in the midst of taking the Love Dare challenge, but something happened that make him stop trying. I am at a loss after starting the challenge a few days after he left and being on Day 9 now myself, but there doesn't really seem much that I can do since he has made it a point that he wants nothing to do with me to the point he even called me a bad mom. I know he is hurting and the hatred he has been showing me is something he must get through on his own but it hurts me so much because he is the love of my life and all I want is for him to come home so that I can hug and kiss him then tell him how sorry I am and that I forgive him as well as myself for everything we have put each other through. Only recently did I accept God into my life and thankfully through prayer, I have been able to do my best at dealing with losing him. In saying that, I still hope daily, even hourly, that he will want me again and since with God all things are possible, maybe he will change his mind, or maybe he never will. Has anyone else's spouse left them while they were in the process of trying the Challenge? My fiance has always been a man of God and even though at times I think his attention to God has been different, he is a loving and caring soul and I cannot fathom what has occurred to make him be so hateful towards me. We both did wrongs in our relationship, but just like the love God has for us, I would have stood by him no matter what. Maybe I was simply just not the one he feels he was meant to be with and maybe the challenge was just too much for him. Any advice and prayers would be greatly appreciated, thank you in advance.

Day 49 - Love still Makes Good Impressions

Jenn — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 04:34:33 GMT

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Day 49—Love still Makes Good Impressions

“Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.”

Since there was no communication between my husband and I today, the dare was not completed. However, since this dare during round 1, I have changed my greeting to reflect my love for him. How can I not now? I am always so excited to see him since it is rare these days.

I cannot get my husband off my mind. I have been working very hard on the house with the help of my family. I would love for him to be a part of it, but know that is not in God’s plan right now. I am doing exactly what God has instructed me to do. I am fighting writing this right now because I do not quite understand why He wants me to open up about it. It is going to be more of a “what the heck are you doing Jenn?” for those reading it…or so I think, but here it goes—

Three weeks ago at 430 in the morning—the day my husband was moving out—I woke up with this INTENSE feeling of God wanting me to write down exactly what He was telling me. I have never heard His voice so clearly in my life until that moment. I went and grabbed a card out of my stationary collection and started writing exactly what He was telling me. It was in the form of a letter from Christ to me. I don’t remember exactly what it says right now because I have sealed it and am not to open it until told to do so, but a part of the letter was a list (He obviously knows my love for lists—LoL). I was to do exactly what was on it—putting ALL of my TRUST in Him. A few of the items consist of our remodel that has been at a standstill since our “marriage blow up”—

1. Do not contact [your husband] unless told to do so

2. Make one more house payment

3. Finish the interior painting as if you are keeping the house

4. Finish the bathrooms

5. Replace the carpet

To end the “letter” He said, “[Your husband] will be joining you in Hawaii. (We are going to Hawaii as a family in May and as of right now obviously my husband is not a part of it…yet)

I have tears streaming down my face as I even write this now. It is a whole lot of mixed emotions from excitement and happiness to fear and even a little bit of doubt (being honest). In a way it is all still unreal to me, but I have not veered from what He told me early that morning. I have been working diligently following His plan.

Last Sunday when I wrote my journal entry for “buy your spouse something unexpected that says I was thinking of you,” I had thought I was not able to complete the dare that day. Once I was done with my journal entry I started doing my bills and in the stack was my mortgage bill. It hit me—I am completing the dare today. I am writing a check for one more house payment. If that doesn’t represent, “I’m thinking of you,” then I don’t know what does. My husband has absolutely no clue about any of this. When he comes by on occasion to pick up his mail he is thinking I am getting the house ready to sale because prior to him moving out we talked about putting it up for short sale since I cannot afford it by myself. I had no clue what God had in store for me though.

No matter how much I am feeling all of this is stretching me financially, physically, and emotionally— I am trusting in Him with everything I’ve got.

I don’t expect anyone to really understand this, which is where some of my fear is stemming from. I have told very few people about it. Two of which I asked to just trust me and they have every step of the way as they’ve been so graciously helping me with the house. Even as I close this entry I still feel God reassuring me this is what He wanted me to write this evening as He knows I am still questioning the ‘why’ of it as I even write these last words.

This song has really summed it for me during this journey - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emgv-VRtMEU

Day 9: Love Makes Good Impressions

Natalie — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 03:02:19 GMT

Day 9 Love Makes Good Impression "Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them" I thought today would be hard to do since we don’t live together and we don’t see each other on my day off, but luckily we had a date today to see a movie. He showed up and came in the house and startled me but when I saw him I smiled and hugged and kissed him. We talked for a few minutes about his day and what he was doing and getting done. I then said let me put my make up on so we can go and he said he needed to get on the internet. He went into the dining room and sat and I was about to go into the bathroom but instead I went towards him and kissed him affectionately. He looked at me in surprise and said “what was that for?” I said “because I wanted to is that ok?” He just nodded and smiled. I got ready and then got the baby ready to take to her aunt’s on the way to the movie. We talked on the way there about wireless services. It seems he wants to cut his line off ours just so he can get an iphone. I rolled my eyes and yes he saw it, but then I tried to kid it off cause I realized that was annoyance and a little bit of jealousy. Then I suggested if he got an iphone that maybe he should consider getting his older daughter (from a previous marriage) an ipod touch so they can video chat since they are so far away. He really liked that idea. As much as it hurt me to hear him talk about doing all these things on his own without me involved I just listened and encouraged him and said whatever he decided I would go along and help him in any way I could. We then went to the movie and we saw Act of Valor. Goodness I saw so much pride in his eyes and the way he talked about the missions and the things they were doing in the movie. He used to do some of that stuff in the Air Force. At the end we cried together and I hugged him. All the way to my house he talked about his Air Force past. I can see that the Air Force is the time he was most alive. I just stared at him in pure aww and pride. I’ve known him since I was 13 and the military has changed him so much. Well it has me too, but with him it’s a different kind of change. It hurts me to see him in this stand still of his life. Like I know that he will always feel that what he does is not anything compared to what he did. When he left my house we hugged. A long hug. I told him good luck on his interview tomorrow and I would pray for him. That I would miss him this weekend since I’m going away on a woman’s veteran’s retreat and wouldn’t be able to contact him. When I let go I could see he was tearing up but I didn’t ask why. I just felt it his anguish. I’m going to read my dares for the next few days, but I will not be able to perform them if it involves getting in contact with him. I won’t have access to internet or phone. Just my books, woman veterans and horses. I will be back hopefully Sunday evening when I return. The book asks how can i make this greeting an everyday thing. well it already is. When i see him my face lights up and he sees it. When i'm with him for long periods of time I'm all in him and what he is talking about. This by far was the easiest dare to me.

Day 9 - Love Makes Good Impressions

Jenn — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 05:24:11 GMT

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Day 9—Love Makes Good Impressions

“Think of a specific way you would like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and enthusiasm.”

At first I was not sure how this was going to take place since I never know if he is going to stop by the house or not, but he ended coming by a couple times, so I was able to greet him enthusiastically with a smile. I simply said “hey babe.” It wasn’t too difficult for me to do this because I am happy to see him any chance I get regardless of the heartache it causes.

I am finding out that The Love Dare is really good at reflecting on one’s own weaknesses. The chapter notes “a loving greeting can bless your spouse through what they see, hear, and feel.” This would be an area I certainly could have/can improve on especially when walking through the door after a day of work.

Another piece of the chapter that captivated me and is reiterated often in this book is that love is a choice. I have always questioned that statement until I was given this situation. I continue to CHOOSE to love my husband even in the most difficult time of our marriage—the falling apart/ending of it. It is no longer thinking I am a victim or it is about having self-respect. Been there done that. It is about doing what God has been preparing me for—showing HIS love unconditionally.

This leads me in to the rest of today—it ended up being a bit more emotional than I expected. I tend to feel a bit more vulnerable when my husband is around. We talked a lot more about the house, which makes this that much more of a reality. The blessing I am taking from it – he is thinking about options other than what he originally told me (foreclosure or moving out/sticking me with the payments). He didn’t like the ones I suggested (stay where he is since it is rent free or stay home while we try to sell the house). However, he did bring up refinancing in his name, so he would keep the house. It is HARD to talk about this type of stuff, but I know I cannot ignore it and KNOW God is with me. He did ask for help with filing. I kindly said I would not help with that piece since I do not want to divorce. He thankfully understood.

He also told his mom and brother today. I saw his mom Saturday afternoon. Mind you, that morning is when my husband told me he wanted a divorce. She stopped by to pick up her mail (her and my father in law are also in the midst of a divorce—ironic to say the least). Prior to her coming over I prayed for wisdom because I was not sure what to say or not to say. She asked where my husband was. I let her know that he was staying elsewhere and left it at that. It was not my place to tell her what her son had decided. I then listened to her talk about how horrible my father in law is. That is the best I could do—just listen. After she left she had texted my husband asking where he was staying. He ignored it. When he stopped by yesterday I encouraged him not to because she has a right to know and is also still going through her own hurt, so it is not the time to not be talking to her. So tonight he went out to dinner with them and shared the bad news. Now everyone knows.

I still have a sense of peace despite the heartache as this gets more difficult because no matter what the outcome, God has my BEST interest in mind. I am constantly reminding myself of that.

Day 9: Failed

HKOakland — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 05:48:23 GMT

I had a good opportunity to greet him with love this morning but I didn't. I failed big time. He said Good Morning and I just ignored him. I hate that I let my feelings control what I do. He tried again later and I responded. I made an effort to be positive and texted him I love you when I was having a hard moment with a flashback. Normally I would text whatever was on my mind without a second though. Change is happening. I greeted him with a kiss on the cheek when he picked me up. I will try to every morning great him with LOVE so our day can start on a positive note. Usually it starts negatively and that just sets the tone. I'm trying to change that since I'm one that's irritable in the morning. My resolve is to do this tomorrow and pour all my LOVE into it. OH I can still say goodnight with LOVE so I guess the day will not be a complete failure after all.

Todays Dare..Not wanting to do it!

Vanessa Cline — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 15:58:07 GMT

Just as I type the Subject I realize my heart isn't in this today. My life and emotions are constantly a reflection of what Dustin is doing in his backslidden condition. I know I'm not the one that can rescue him but it hurts so bad like last night when he leaves to go party with his buddies. My heart is just ripped into shreads..and what is worst is not knowing if hes okay as he never calls or texts. I know that this isn't an "out" to marriage for God. He can fix anything..I dont' want to doubt it, but its hard..

Todays dare.....I'm not sure how I'm going to respond. I am working while he is partying on the river with his friends so when I see him again of course I dont' want to greet him warmly. I want to be mad and make him see how he hurts me, but I know this is not the reason for the dare. So I will do my best to greet him sweet and let him know I missed him. I in no way want to condone what hes doing with his friends and let him think that I'm okay with it. I guess that's the part of being selfish is wanting him to see how bad of a husband he is being and again I get that this is not about that...so I will try.

Dare 9

Jaime — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 17:28:27 GMT

Today I won't be seeing my husband so I had to greet him in another way. Usually I wait for him to text me first in the day, so I waited until about 2 oclock for a message and didn't get one, so I texted him a funny good morning message. He said "Lol u 2". He usually doesn't wish me well or anything in anyway, so I guess that could be good. He said he was painting so he would text me later. Normally I'm cranky with him in the mornings so hopefully he noticed I wasn't today. He will be coming over tomorrow morning to pick up our son for the day so I will think of another good way to greet him in person since I was unable to do it that way today. I really miss him!

Round 4 - Day 129

Melissa — Fri, 13 May 2011 19:46:23 GMT

I knew that I was not going to be seeing my husband today so I was going to have to do something over the phone. In the past I have done the, "Good morning, hope you have a great day," text message or phone calls, so I wanted to do something different. Instead I decided to send him a message before bed. All I said was, "Sweet dreams (husbands name)" I have so many ideas on how I would like to greet my husband personally, but I guess I will have to save those from when I do get to see him.

Not seeing or speaking to my husband for over a week has been difficult at times. I miss him and want to share this love with him so badly, but God has revealed to me that though this is the most trying part of this journey so far, it is also the most blessed!

Some thoughts after completing Day 9

Dave_71 — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 18:48:42 GMT

The day my wife told me she wasn't happy was a blessing, not for the reasons you may expect though. Didn't matter that I was unhappy as well. I was hurt... pride and ego were bruised. So I reacted in a way to protect them no matter how bad it hurt her. I left work early that afternoon, drank large quantities of beer, and when she came home, I exploded.... telling her to get out of my house. She loaded up her two kids (from first marriage) and left. I haven't spoken to her since February 17th, 2011 the night she left.

I was still fighting to protect that pride and ego the next night when I went out with my first wife's brother... got drunk, eventually passing out on his couch. The next day I woke up knowing that I needed a change, but not quite certain how to go about it.

My first wife (her and her husband have become two of my closest friends) suggested I call the Christian counselor that I had sessions with during my first marriage. I did, and it was the first step in this journey I am on now. I told him that I wasn't serious about changing the first time I met with him, but I was going to try this time. We arranged meeting for Tuesday of the following week.

Over the course of the next few days, I began to have withdrawals from alcohol (I thought I take a few days off drinking to clear my head). This was the first indication that I had that I might have a serious drinking problem. When I arrived at the meeting with the counselor, I had suffered from three days of insomnia, confusion, panic attacks, night sweats... I was completely broken. It was the counselor (Bill) that suggested that divorce, no matter whether we had both been married before, the circumstances, whatever, would not be pleasing to God. Great! My wife told me she was unhappy and I have to be the one to work on the marriage. Sound familiar?

So, I had to chose to love her. I didn't know exactly how to do that so I just sent her a text to ask her to just wait... don't rush into anything... no major decisions. Of course, she replied that she had made her mind up.

Around the time I met with Bill, I had begin to realize how unmanageable my life was and begin to earnestly seek God's will in my life. Not that I knew exactly how to do that, but I was trying. I had also realized that I was in the early stages of alcoholism and joined AA.

The next few weeks were pretty good for me. I was growing closer to God. People were beginning to notice a difference and comment on it. Things weren't any better with me and my wife, but I was focusing more on myself and my walk with God than getting her back. Then, three weeks after she left, I got the divorce papers. She filled them out online, dropped them off in a self-addressed stamped envelope, and texted me asking to return them to her. I went home, signed my page, had it notarized, and was about to send the back but God said.... wait.

Over the next couple of hours, I became distraught. I was barely able to function. I could sign the papers and have a date by the weekend... move on as she had said in a text. But signing the papers just didn't seem right. Going out with another woman just didn't seem right. Instead of turning to God, I began to manipulate the situation. If I could just talk with her, I could get her to hold off. I had always been good at getting to her... part of the reason I suspected that she refused to talk with me. I texted her a picture of the signed page and told her if she wanted it, she would have to talk with me. No response.

But man, I was a mess inside. I think I was feeling the pull of the Holy Spirit and the pull of the flesh and I just didn't realize it at the time. I spoke with my pastors wife, who is an amazing woman of God and a prayer warrior. She told me that I had began to find forgiveness and comfort in Jesus... who did Melanie (my wife) have? And then, she said that I wasn't doing enough! Really? I thought I was supposed to put this in God's hands... let Him do it, because I just screwed things up like I did with my attempt to manipulate her!

Well, I spoke with Bill and he just said what I had already heard... wait. Pray and wait until our next meeting which was 5 days away! Seriously, wait for 5 days and do nothing!!! That might have been the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. Wait. I like instant gratification.. instant resolutions.. I WANT MY WAY WHEN I WANT IT!!!! It was a difficult 5 days. I was in spiritual turmoil. I think it had a lot to do with God telling me to wait and my flesh telling me to move on. The funny thing is, what finally got me to realize how important my marriage was, was a vindictive act that Melanie took against me. On the return envelope containing the papers, the stamps were stamps of wedding rings. At first I laughed it off, but it began to hurt. I did love my wife. I did respect my commitment to her that I made in front of God. I will fight for my marriage. Ironically, my wife had witnessed enough of my sarcasm and snarkiness that the stamps were just a reminder that that was something I would have done. Something she had learned from ME!

By Tuesday's meeting,God had made up my mind to NOT sign the papers. That's not saying I haven't questioned that decision on a few occasions, but it usually the voices of people that don't know God that encourage with the tired cliche, "If you love something, let it go" nonsense. In fact, I had made certain that she could still divorce me without a problem, I just wasn't going to participate in it. I had asked God to inspire me to write a letter to Melanie and express to her that I have realized that some changes need to be made in my life, that I was responsible for allowing things in our home that help lead us too unhappiness and that I CHOSE to love her whether she wanted me to or not. It took 4 or 5 letters and a lot of prayer to get me out of God's way, but it finally happened.

Now I knew of The Love Dare (Fireproof was actually filmed where I live... I worked at that fire department a few years ago... my counselor goes to church where the producers of the movie go), but I had not even considered it for saving my marriage. It's a good thing because I would not have been in the right spirit to complete the dares. That Tuesday, I informed my counselor of my decision not to sign the papers and stand up for my marriage, but that I the urging of my pastor's wife, I still needed to do more and I didn't know what to do. He mentioned flowers, but that was just too gimmicky. This had to demonstrate unconditional love... the kind of love that Christ had for the church. He mentioned The Love Dare and it clicked. That's it!!! Yes, I do want my marriage restored, but The Love Dare was a way for me to be obedient to God. A way to exercise my faith.

I've shared my day journal entries with you so I won't go into each day, but I can tell you that the journey has been a blessing beyond what I could have ever imagined. I know I made a few mistakes early, but I sincerely sought God's direction. Each morning, I read a dare and each day He provides me a way to be obedient to Him. Each day my love for Christ grows. Each day I grow closer to God. Each day, something wonderful is revealed to me. Each day a relationship gets better. Each day, I put off the old man and put on the new. It is nothing short of a miracle and it's happened in just a few weeks.

Melanie still is not speaking to or responding to me in any way and I have no idea whether she has actually filed for divorce. It's not easy not knowing, but each act of faith make it easier for me to put this in God's hands and let him worry about my marriage and all my problems. Just as Sean mentioned in his journals, I put Melanie before God. He had to take her out of my way so I could fulfill His destiny for me. I do want God to bring her back to me, but I need to be the man that God wants me to be before I can be the husband that Melanie needs me to be. That will take time. In the meantime, I will pray for Melanie's and the kid's salvation and well-being.

I had avoided giving advice to others because of the magnitude of my mistakes and the current state of my marriage, but God made it clear to me yesterday that waiting around until you "feel" right is one of Satan's tricks he will use to prevent you from being productive in Christ. Start serving God in any capacity NOW! Get involved NOW! Lead your heart, don't let it lead you.

So I will share something I have learned in the last 5 weeks. When you feel like YOU have to do something... that it absolutely cannot wait..... WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! Step back, detach and hit your knees and sincerely ask God for direction. Sometimes the best action is NO action at all. Stick to the dares, or at least the spirit of the dares if you can't do exactly as they read. For instance, if your spouse hasn't had much success in their own eyes, pray that they will have success and tell them that you know they will be successful! Maybe you can tell them that you are praying for their success. Let God lead you. God will find a way for you to be obedient to Him if YOU ASK HIM. But YOU HAVE TO LISTEN!!! Get out of His way and give it to Him. He will not go back on His promises.

Love you guys!

Dave

Day 9

Dave_71 — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 12:31:23 GMT

:Yesterday, I felt like God was telling me something and I just wasn't hearing it. I prayed and prayed and He led me to realize that I need to be praying more for my wife... her soul... for her to cry out to God. So I did. I went to church last night. Our pastor was not there and the youth minister was to deliver the message. I was dissapointed because our pastor is a vessel and God's words flow through him. During the message, I felt God encouraging me to stay at it, to keep going at it, keep seeking Him.... that He had something He wanted me to do. I fought back tears the entire service.

I woke up this morning, grabbed The Love Dare and read Day 9. I ask God to speak the words through me that she needed to hear today. I texted her, "I hope that you have the most awesome and amazing day".

Luke 9:23 comes to mind:

"And he said unto all, if any man would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me".

Day 9, God keeps me on track

harmar70 — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 13:54:48 GMT

The Lord has this under control, its humbling and sometimes comical how we think we have this "life" in our hands. For instance I have been doing the love dare now for over a week. And when I do as the Lord tells me to do and as I read, things tend to get better. For instance, I read a passage in a book, hear a scripture or at church and the message is "LISTEN", be quite and listen, listen to what the Lord is saying, he's telling me, "I have this all under control son, let me handle this..." and its hard for me to give up the control.... My mind on the other hand races with ideas on ways to fix this broken relationship and once I open my mouth, it just pushes her away. Its not that I am saying bad things, I just want to talk about us and how to make us better. I've been praying for patience and have decided today that whenever I feel that I want to go and talk to Bethany or pick up the phone and speak with her, 'casue I miss her. I am going to pray, pray that the Lord touches her heart and tells her how much he loves her. I decided this about an hour ago and have prayed twice now. As for todays dare, i woke her up this morning and sat by her for a moment and talked a little small talk, nothing about us, then asked if I could pray with her, we prayed and I told her to have a beautifully wonderful day today.

dare 9

forever512 — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 22:43:40 GMT

My husband came to pick up the kids today for his first time with them at his place. I read my dare earlier this morning & he sent me a text today notifying me the time he would be here to pick them up. As time approached, I felt myself getting antsy. I got away for a few minutes to pray. Then the doorbell rang & I went to answer the door & with a huge smile on my face & as perky as possible, I said Hi! He looked a little disappointed becasue he was expecting to see the kids, but that's OK! My next mission was to get through the whole transition without tearing up. I told him a few things the kids needed, got them gathered up and walked them outside, gave them all hugs and kissed & told them to have a great time & then packed them in his car... I waved until they left & then I went inside & the floodgates opened. I just started thanking the Lord for being with me through all that, for giving me the strength and courage & for blessing me with such a great husband that I know I can trust with my children.

I have come to see how very few people truly trust in Christ 100%. I was a little upset when my mom told me today that she can't see how I can go on with my life and act normal when my husband is leaving me. I told her, firstly- nothing is final, so please don't assume it's all over. Next I told her that for someone who their whole life has been telling me to trust in God, she certainly can trust in him a little bit more. She didn't like hearing that & I didn't say it mean, but I realized how much her negativity and her crying constantly over my marriage was affecting my moods! I had to let her know that she had to trust more in the Lord. I pray for her always...

But I have come to see that almost anyone I talk to, whether it be my mom, my mother in law, my sister or my friends... no one truly gets the whole "unconditional" part of love. I have also come to recognize that the less I talk to anyone about the "negative" aspects of my husband, the better I feel. & the more I praise him, then I feel even better. I've come to see the relevance of the "appreciation room"... it's not just something to think, but also something to rejoice in what I say & do. I am going to try to speak only positive things about my husband when I do talk about him with others. I will try to appreciate him more in all ways!

Day 9 Video Greeting

cwest — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 00:43:00 GMT

So my husband is still ignoring all communication with me. So I got the idea of taping myself from James. I recorded a short video saying hello and that I loved him and made a silly face at the end since I used to be pretty fun to be around and would make faces all the time. I sent it via email tonight. I know he won't reply but that is ok. I felt good about sending it. Felt good about being able to make a silly face and be happy in spite of everything going on.

It feels good to be growing and being able to love someone that is being so horrible to me. It will help me love others in this world that are committing "horrible" sins. It will help me look past their actions and see their heart and their need for Christ's love. I peeked at tomorrow's dare and am going to have to spend some time thinking about what to do. I can make one of his favorite desserts, but if I can't get ahold of him. I have gifts that I bought him for Christmas, but he has not responded to my message that I had something to give him.

Waiting and Praying.

Dare 9

Serilium — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 16:22:17 GMT

Yesterday was my ninth dare. my husband and I talk frequently through the day, I resolved to answer each phone, txt, IM with a warm and loving greeting. I missed one. He called while i was still working, so I wasn't the warmest on that one. When he got home from work I greeted him with a kiss and a hug. He had to run out to the drug store for me later, and when he got home I greeted him again with a kiss. I also did the dishes for him so he didn't have to. I got up this morning and put the last load of laundry away. I tried my best. The last couple of days have been hard for me to complete. I've been so caught up in my battle of the mind. We are supposed to be doing this dare together, but I have a horrible suspicion that he has quit, but again this might be part of my mind battle. I don't know right now, but whatever the case I will keep going. I'm trying my very best not to concentrate on that. I'm doing this dare for me, to grow my relationship with God and to be the woman that God wants me to be.

(II Timothy 1:7) 7 For God didn’t give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control.

Day 49 /Dare 9

David — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 13:23:33 GMT

The last couple days have been very hard to show my love. Each time I see or talk to my wife I can feel her pull further away. Little things tell me more then I knew. I started to think I should just let go when a verse reminded me that nothing is impossible with the lord.

Getting Better

CA1982 — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 09:25:15 GMT

So maybe I am winning this ... but the days seem to be getting better. I've the consious decision, to let God work his magic. I've realized that the harder i try to fix this, the worse things get.. it's almost like i push him away... so now, i just leave it.

He got home, and instead of the usual boring "look away and greet half heartedly" I walked up to him and gave him a hug and kiss and asked how his day was. He was surprised and even asked if i was feeling ok.. hahah.. but it made him feel appreciated. And that made me happy. There was a moment or two when an argument was brewing and trying to turn the mood around, but each time, i dusted my shoulder and told that little demon with his pitch fork, to get right off and leave me alone!! I feel so much lighter. No more anger and bitterness.

And so, for the first time, in a long time, we actually had a very pleasant evening.

God is good!

dare 9- day 49

forever512 — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 21:57:31 GMT

I unfortunately was unable to do this one today. I was out shopping early in the morning & though my husband was aware I was going he texted me to see where I was and got upset becasue he wanted to leave & I wasn't home yet (it was 10AM!!!) When I did get home (I had to have someone drop me off back at my sisters house to pick up my car), he was dressed, packed and left almost immediately. I told him I didn't know he had plans to leave so early or I would have been back earlier, he ignored me. So I decided to play with my kids! I didn't read todays dare until after he left. I can try it out though another day, though I do make an effort everyday to greet him with an early morning cheerful "good morning".

He left about noon with a bag of clothes & toiletries. Though he does this almost every time he goes out with the guys, I don't think he'll be home tonight. I have my 10 year high school reunion tonight and I am going to go. I shouldn't miss it because he is being mean. He's being colder and more mean than he has been in a LONG time, but I am praying & not letting it get to me! It hurts and even annoys me that he treats me like he is doing recently, but I just love him back no matter what! I feel at peace. I pray for him all the time. I know that whatever is going to happen is all a part of God's plan, so am not interfering.

A part of me wants answers already, but I understand that God will do things according to His time frame and His will. SO I let it go. I don't worry what will happen. I know God will never give me more than I can handle. It might be hard, but I have the Lord on my side, nothing is impossible!

Dare 9

AaronGJackson — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 03:23:02 GMT

I will be attempting this dare as soon as I get back to town. Nothing much has changed, except that she broke our date for Thursday night while keeping her date for WEdnesday night. God has given me a little peace right now, but the feelings come crashing back in periodically. I don't know what to do other than pray. She says she is tired of talking about it. Well, I'm tired of living it. The strange thing is, I know that I will be alright. God has me in His hands, like he promised, but sometimes pain is inevitable. Apparently, now is one of those times. Stranger still is the fact that I can feel the Spirit comforting me, even now. I hope and pray that I can continue down this path. But I have a question for anyone who has wisdom enough to answer. Should I just leave her alone and not attempt to contact her until the next dare that requires me to? She resents my attempts to maintain contact with her because I stress her out. She says one thing one day and something totally the opposite the next.

Day 9 hmph :/

lilo — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 14:27:40 GMT

Well ive been slackin on these dares. i didnt get to read day 9 yesterday so i read it today. i knew what the dare was but around my husband i jus get nervous to attempt the dares. :/

Anyway, when i went to drop off the baby before work he jus was laying on the couch .. didnt say anything to me, i didnt even see him look at me so i gave the baby to his mom and little sister and just left. I had to go pick up the baby after work bkus he could not bring her to my house so i did. Wen i got there he opened the door and jus stood there and starred at me.. and i jus lookd at him (which normally he jus opens the door and walks away) i wasnt sure wat to do at the moment (that was my chance to greet him but i didnt :( shame on me) so then i went to where the baby was with his parents and he jus layed on the sofa chair i didnt even notice he was there.. and i played wit the baby for a second and she was sleepin and i ended up giving the baby to his mom and wen i kame back around to sit on the couch.. (not to sound explicit) but he reached his leg out and with his foot was like rubbin me down there and im like what are you doin?? and i kind of pushed his leg a little. We have not been intimate in about 3 weeks and although im dying to be intimate with him i kno i shouldnt bkus i will jus keep feelin hurt afterward. so then i was talkin about what we should do with the baby this weekend i told him he could have her since i work fri nite n sat mornin she could stay wit him since he complains he doesnt spend enough time with her i tol him i kno that you go out but i figured you could go out saturday but of course he says idk yet bkus idk wat im gunna do. in my head im like wow puttin goin out more important then your daughter.. then he complains he doesnt spend the time he wants with her. owell it is my weekend with the baby i quess i will enjoy it anyway. then i asked him if he wanted to well yu kno b intimate and he says no. im like then y r yu touching me? yu make no sense. so whatever we left it at that.. he seemd kind of down maybe trouble in paradise already his lil thing off to the side is not working out. i kno i shouldnt make assumptions but that is what i feel. he has not talked to me much today but.. im also trying to stay out of Gods way. Since i was spoken to at church its been easier not to bother him. even tho it kills me not to hear frum him.. i pray sumthin will happen. i need to make a plan...

i have a friend at church that she is wantin to help me fight this battle. She says we need to fight this with the word of God and she is gettin several things together bkus jus talkin about the problem is not goin to fix it. She is willing to fast with me and pray on my situation which i am very greatful for. But i need to make a plan on how i will fight this.. what days to fast etc.. i have been slackin jus kus i got a new job and i have to get used to gettin up super early and gettin my rest. But i need to not make excuses and jus do it!

Off to read day 10.. God Bless!

Day nine failure

Polly — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 10:35:37 GMT

I had planned a nice welcome when he got home. Instead, he called me to ask me to pick him up at work, his truck broke down. I knew he had issues with the truck when he left in the morning it didn't start easily. I had been to his place of work only once, and he drove. I am not familiar with the area where he works but he said it wasn't difficult to find. He told me directions, which I promptly forgot and didn't write down. I tried to find the place on google maps, but it didn't make any sense with the directions I thought I remembered. So I got lost, repeatedly. It was like there was a force out there trying to make me forget the directions, and the harder I tried to remember, the more mistakes I made in getting there. I stopped and called him twice, wrote down what he said, and still took three wrong turns. I finally stopped at a gas station and asked, and the gentleman there gave me very clear directions that made perfect sense to me, and I was only about a mile away from where I needed to be. I thanked him and went on my way, and had no further problems getting there. The only thing is by this time I was almost two hours late from when he wanted to be picked up. He had started walking by this time (its 30 miles to our house) and his mood wasn't very posititve. Traffic was pretty heavy and I had to wait a while for an opening to pull over to his side. I smiled and shrugged between the traffic, and he stood on the side waiting. You could almost see the dark cloud over his head. He asked if I got lost again, so I said yes and told him how, without blaming him, but saying how I just couldn't get my mind in the right place. We got home and he took the car out to get parts for his truck. The biggest positive I saw out of this was that I didn't have to hear about his day. The long ride home he hardly said a word, and he almost fell asleep. He was gone for over two hours and when he did get home, I was getting ready for bed. He said he had gotten worried that something happened when I didn't show up on time. I tried to be pleasant, to greet him with a smile, to show that I cared, but it seems that I had so many hurdles in the way and everything I had prepared before this road trip adventure just wouldn't work on the situation.